Better the Devil you know

Rita

Things were not easy for me. Some things should stay dead and buried never to be spoken of again, Tony is one of them. Any relationships I have had were almost pre destined to fail. My luck is truly terrible. I have managed to fumble my way through life hitting every bump and pothole thrown in front of me. My parents live in a run down old housing commision house in Dundas. I'm sure it is full of asbestos. When my brother Kyle got cancer the doctors were sure it was from the substandard building materials in the old house but mumma and pa never had the money to fight for compensation and after he passed it was pushed under the carpet and forgotten about. The university I attended was the first place I felt I was equal to everyone else so I earned a degree in business management. It was hard going to uni and working to help pay the bills but I moved away from my family when I was offered a job in the city. I loved my job as a personal assistant, the pay was great and the people I worked with were fantastic, only to have to quit because I was pregnant and being told my baby would have a disability, moving back to Dundas and having depression so deep that most days I just slept wondering how much worse things could get. No amount of money could equal the love I had for Ty when he was born, warts and all he was mine and I was his and together we would work it out. Once a week for three years, I take Tyler to the shopping complex after he has therapy. I love watching his chubby face light up with the sights and sounds around him. The awe in his eyes is inspiring, knowing that even as a toddler he will find joy in everything around him. If only I had that again, I sigh, stopping at his favourite window. He gets so excited seeing the brightly coloured balls of different sizes, trains travelling around the window on a track purposely placed to show off new and different toys. How I wish I could buy all the things he loves to look at in this window, all the windows we stare into. We come to this complex because it is near the therapist but deep down I was reliving a time I could afford nice clothes and the latest tech, almost punishing myself. The only luxury I can afford now is the lipsense I buy at a discount.

Therapy was hard this week. We both left more exhausted and emotional than last week. With his cerebral palsy, the doctors say he is a level 5, he has no head or body control, is peg fed and needs regular suction. He will never walk or talk but we go to therapy anyway giving him exercises and visual stimulation in the hope that one day things will change. I think I don’t push him because I feel responsible for his issues but my therapist seems to think otherwise. She says Sometimes things are just meant to be the way they are. The physiotherapist pushes us both till we are a crying sobbing mess on the floor and then further, breaking emotional barriers I've placed in front of us. If only all obstacles could be fixed this way. If only rent wasn’t expensive and therapy available closer to home then maybe, just maybe, we would be ok. As it is the therapy doesn't include wheelchairs, hoists, formula and utensils he needs. If he could eat like a normal toddler he wouldn't need half the things they recommend. The drive into the city every week takes forever and paying for parking means the money I was given to keep my mouth shut and disappear is almost completely gone. I was sure I could make it last but then Ty needed therapy and my parents couldn't help out a lot, only watching Ty while I did what I could selling Senegence at parties. At 25, I was pretty good at what I was doing. I had a way with people in the corporate world, showing them that no matter how hard you work your makeup should still be on your face. I tell them about my old position as a personal assistant and how my boss was always impressed with my presentation in the office. I even went back and sold to all of my old coworkers and they all left fantastic reviews for me. I was selling more products than ever and was enjoying meeting people. My manager said I could start doing makeup artistry soon and that would make more money. With that qualification I could do wedding make up and things around Tysons appointments. I was just getting Ty’s peg feed ready  when I heard a voice I had buried from the past. When I turned around, I was caught off guard. I might have my strong mumma face on but This can't be happening, I can't deal with this now. Tony said he never wanted to see me, he never wanted to see Ty. Thank god I chose the stroller today and not the heavy wheelchair, running would be futile. If I head home from here and I hurry I could make it to Cabramatta before rush hour blocks me in and he follows. I take the long way around the complex, running, looking for a way out to the car park. I see Myers up ahead, they have an elevator I can take to the carpark and get to my car.

Panic sets in and I run, I run all the way through the parking lot and to my beat-up, rusty car. I try and rush putting Ty in his seat without crying and take off. I took every back street and doubled back. It took 3 hours to make sure I wasn't followed home and Ty was asleep when I pulled into the drive. It wouldn't  have taken so long if I didn’t have to drive through every back street to avoid toll roads. City driving is a nightmare, everyone in a hurry to get where they want to go, only to get there and hurry home again. As the panic subsided I was left with an ache deep in my chest and a headache I'd kill to get rid of. I had to do two trips to get Ty inside. Opening the door with all the baggage then carrying Ty and locking the car. I had gotten it down to a fine art. Once we were inside I checked the answering machine and there was a voice I never, ever wanted to hear again.

“s**t! Not again” I say as I drop my keys on the counter on my way to put Ty to bed. Thank god I had given him his peg feed in the car when I stopped to have a cry just out of the city. She wants to meet at 8am tomorrow. If I could pour myself a stiff drink right now I would but I never know when I might have to grab Ty and make a run for it. It's happened before, stalkers throwing bricks through the window with death threats, feeling people in my house at night. I always have a bag in the car with Ty’s things in case of emergencies. At least she is coming over this side of the harbour. I can't believe she took this long to slum it and call to demand I meet her for coffee. Mrs Flintlock would make sure I know the terms of our agreement and if I back out Ty will suffer. I can't do that to my baby, not now. Things might be tough but I know they could get worse if I don’t keep on track. I just have to keep my head down, I just have to keep going. I never thought the old girl would come this far from her ivory tower, I know Tony is everything to her, and I'm sure she knows by now he has seen me. She should understand the things mothers do for their children. I wonder if they had a laugh when he spoke of me running away looking like a deranged woman. I know they are both happy to throw money around, but I'm not that girl anymore and the steaks just got higher. I call and leave a message for Detective Marshall, just so he knows that Mrs Flintlock called and wants to meet. I'm sure he will love that piece of news just as much as I did. He will just love knowing that she has my number, time to change it again. Only the 10th number since this stalker crap started. The therapists will be impressed but if they would just communicate by email they wouldn't have to keep changing our number.