Love Beyond Anxiety

Chapter I-II

“Someone had to bring your toiletries and towel.” Ty said. “And your mom did want one of the girls originally, but like all of them are covered in flour and stuff. Even Adrieka.”

Skye smiled and she took her toiletries from him. “Thanks bubby.”

“You are welcome.” Ty said pulling his sleeve up, and he touched her belly, smiling when she inhaled sharply.

“Your hand is freezing.” Skye said.

“Sorry.” Ty said and he turned the water off and then kissed her softly before he turned it back on and left.

Skye smiled and she wiped her hair from her face and then got done in the shower before she dried off and went back into the main bedroom. “Mom?”

“I am here.” Cartia said coming out of the small walk-in closet and she handed her daughter a black towel.

Skye took it and exchanged her white towel with teal butterflies and a teal trim for it before she sat down on the bed. “I love your shower, mine is a little slippery.”

“Dad wants to redo your bathrooms once you guys move out.” Cartia said while opening the hair dye box. “We did not plan on any of you getting married while still being semi-dependant on us, let alone getting pregnant, otherwise he said he would have used the slightly rougher shower tiles that are like double the price.”

Skye smiled and she stood up and went to the bathroom with her mom and smiled when her mom placed a chair in front of the full size wall mirror that was at a ninety-degree angle with the wash basin. She sat on it backwards and frowned when a song playlist and sound equalizer bars appeared on it just as her mom turned the built in sound system on.

“I know, your dad went all out for our bathroom.” Cartia said while tapping on the mirror. “He said it is some sort of high scale glass like they would use on computers to make them touch screen or something like that the mirror is made off. I do not know, it works and it is amazing.”

Skye giggled and she watched as her mom put some instrumental music on before starting to dye her hair.

“I have a shade two notches down from your natural hair.” Cartia said opening the medicine cabinet. “It will show the highlights off a little more.”

“Why do you have so many hair dyes?” Skye asked.

“It is cheaper buying a full hair dye kit like this, than to buy a highlighting solution and you girls are welcome to use it. I know when Kendri has been home for longer than a weekend, because I will find the money for one of my hair dyes in the place of the box she took.” Cartia said.

Skye smiled and she enjoyed her mom’s hands in her hair and even had some laughs when they did some research on the different forms of intimacy together and then took it further to do a study on what intimacy really is.

“Time to go and wash that dye out.” Cartia said when the timer went off.

Skye nodded and she stood up and went to the bathroom and then kneeled on the little mattress her mom placed at the side of the bath before she bended over the bath. “I will have someone dye my hair just so I can have this.”

Cartia smiled and she washed her daughter’s hair before she removed the foil pieces from the highlighted areas and then washed it all out again before handing her daughter an off-white towel.

Skye toweled her hair and smiled when her mom ruffled it all up.

Cartia moved her to stand in front of the mirror and then combed her hair out before she trimmed it to be about halfway between her hips and her shoulders. “No complaints this time?”

Skye shook her head and she smiled at her mom. “I did admit to dad three months back that my hair felt better after he trimmed it that much. I am trying to get it to grow out healthy, but it gets bad by the time it gets to there.”

“Your hair might grow out beautifully as the pregnancy progresses because you are taking good vitamin supplements and eating healthier foods, except for the snacking, and your body is making a whole bunch of stuff including a little human being, so your hair does suck up what it gets. If your hair looses condition while you are pregnant, you need to get your vitamin count up.” Cartia said.

Skye smiled and she felt like melting when her mom ran her hands through her hair while giving little scratches all over her scalp.

“What did we learn a few minutes back?” Cartia asked.

“Let my husband play with my hair.” Skye said. “Stop being a baby about it.”

“So what are you going to let your husband do tomorrow, or maybe even tonight when we are going to be watching a movie since dad put apologies in at school for the rest of the week?” Cartia asked.

“I am not saying I will let him play with my hair to this extent, but this feels amazing, so I might just start to let him touch my hair this high up without squirming away.” Skye said.

“What did he do with his hands and this amazing crown of beautiful golden brown hair at his fingertips when he made this baby?” Cartia asked. “Did you wear a shower cap or something?”

Skye shook her head and she smiled when her mom kissed her head.

“I thought so.” Cartia said. “Did he ruin it?”

Skye shook her head and she took a deep breath.

“Well then allow him that privilege again.” Cartia said and she got the young woman to pull the stuff on she gave her and then handed her one of Ty’s school dress shirts.

Skye smiled and she pulled it on and she buttoned it and then looked at her mom. “I do not think black was the best choice.”

“It is actually perfect.” Cartia said and she took her phone.

“You are going to let my husband come in.” Skye said.

“Yes.” Cartia said and she ignored the look she got from the young woman before she began brushing her hair after putting her phone down. She smiled when Ty came in and saw his eyes lighting up. “Forget about the fact that she is only half dressed.”

Ty smiled at his mother-in-law and then placed a kiss in his wife’s neck before he sat down on the wash basin and then pulled his shirt over his head.

“Ty.” Skye said and she looked at her mom when she got a poke in the side.

“I am going to poke your side every time you do or say something completely unnecessary, like you just did.” Cartia said. “I told him to take his shirt off once he got here, because the bathroom is warm and humid right now.”

Skye nodded and she rested with her elbows on the back of the chair and then rested her chin on her fists.

“Thank you.” Cartia said and she began showing Ty how to brush her hair out before she blow dried it and then handed him the brush.

Ty smiled at her and then kissed Skye’s head before he began brushing her hair out. He looked at Cartia when she squirted a little conditioner onto his hand.

“Rub it over your hands and then it will take the static out of her hair without wetting it again. It is leave-in conditioner.” Cartia said. “But the key is to putting only a little on otherwise it will leave clumpy pieces that you will have to comb through.”

Ty nodded and he did as he was told and smiled when the whole process was easier. “I have no idea what you guys did, but it looks amazing, and maybe I was a little jealous because your hair got so much attention every morning with the length it was at.”

Skye smiled and she bit her lip when her mom took her straightener out. “Mom?”

“I will not let him do it just yet.” Cartia said and she began straightening her daughter’s hair before she ran her hands through her daughter’s hair and then twisted it up on top of her head and let it go letting it fall loose around her shoulders again.

“That is one thing I love about TV ads.” Ty said. “Just perfect tangle free healthy glowing hair.”

“I do not, because it took me a couple of years to get my hair to this point.” Skye said. “And half the time, they use computers to make it look so super cool.”

“I know.” Ty said and he felt like a little boy when Cartia pulled him to stand behind Skye again and he ran his hands through her hair and messed it up a couple of times before he gave it a brush again and then helped her up.

“I think Skye can learn that you do not need long hair to be able to play with it.” Cartia said.

“Mine is actually too long already.” Ty said. “But I could not go to the barber since my ‘paycheck’ was put on hold last month.”

“I know.” Cartia said and she took a pair of clippers out. “Go shower, get all nice and clean, give your hair a good toweling and then come back, and I am not going to bite your head off if you give your wife a proper kiss in my bathroom.”

Ty smiled and he took the invite and kissed his wife properly before he left.

“You are so incorrigible, mom.” Skye said.

“Yet your eyes have sparkled and gotten their depth back that I have not seen since you got back from your vacation.” Cartia said. “Sit down again.”

Skye obeyed and she forced herself to relax when her mom began rubbing lotion into her face and it was not long before she began enjoying the TLC again.

“Do not frown like that.” Cartia said.

“You are spoiling me, but I think this little lady just realized she has joints.” Skye said.

“When someone plays with your hair and gives you a head massage or a head scratch, it stimulates the nerve endings which releases feel good hormones, and those hormones travel through to the baby, so when she gets enough of those hormones she will kick and relax which will result in a more relaxed mom and baby which will mean mom and baby have better naps.” Cartia said.

Skye smiled and she shifted her attention when her husband came in again and she smiled when he kissed her neck, the heat from his body and the smell of him making her get goose bumps even before his mouth rested in her neck.

“Now that is a hundred times better.” Cartia said.

“What?” Skye asked.

“You got goose bumps when he came near while neither of you are fully dressed, instead of you flinching away and getting a dressing gown.” Cartia said.

Ty smiled and he sat down on the side of the bath and watched as his mother-in-law finished his wife’s makeup. “You are looking so amazing, I would have planned an impromptu date night if it was not snowed up so bad we cannot get a car out.”

“You have two bedrooms at your disposal for a romantic movie.” Cartia said.

“Dad said he found a couple of new animations the other night in preparation for the snow this week.” Ty said. “I will just enjoy my wife’s beauty before then.”

Cartia smiled and she put her makeup away and then got Skye to move from the chair and she made Ty sit there. She handed the clippers to her daughter and then plugged them in before she took them and handed them to Ty.

Skye took the comb her husband brought with and she combed his hair through and then ran her hands through his hair when her mom took the comb. She pushed it over his eyes and giggled when he tickled her behind her knee before she took the clippers from him and began cutting his hair. She smiled when he placed his hand on her belly and carried on cutting his hair and she stopped when he moved his hand to her bum with a few fingers in under the lace. “Tyler Junior.”

Ty smiled and he kissed her belly before he put his hand on the back of the chair again. “I will try and behave.”

“Thank you.” Skye said and she carried on cutting his hair and then did the finer trimming work with her mom’s help before she combed it through again. She dusted him off and then put her arms over his shoulders and crossed them over his chest before she rested with her chin on his head. “I got myself a real good looking husband. I just need to teach him how to shave regularly and properly.”

“I will shave properly the day you can shave more than just your upper legs where you can reach.” Ty said.

“That is mean.” Skye said and she pulled his little pathetic excuse for a chin beard. “You were so nice and clean the morning you found out I had a kissable neck.”

“And that was the last time you allowed me the privilege of getting more than just a quick kiss.” Ty said. “I will change my deal. I will shave again the day you allow me to be your husband in more than just name and the ring on your finger. I had more with you as your boyfriend, than what I have had as your husband and I told your dad straight that I actually hate being married right now. You would have had my child whether we got married or not, you would have gone through the same process had we gotten married or not, you would have still cuddled up with me, in fact you cuddled up with me more before we got married. You threw little fits less before we got married and you came and sought my company more before we got married. You slept more on my bed just by taking little naps or falling asleep on my bed while I was studying before we got married, and I slept on the couch unless we fell asleep together, but I want that back. I want the cuddly bear I fell in love with back, the cuddly bear that wanted me around when she was sick and apologized when she made a mess and even tried to help me clean it up rather than just hiding in her room and staying away from me when she was sick. I am the reason you were sick, I wanted to be there but you did not want me. You came home from court and you went to your room and for two weeks I woke up every time I heard you throwing up at weird hours of the night and the morning, but I did not want anyone else to wake up if you got mad at me so I stayed in bed even though it was killing me.”

Skye nodded and she wiped her cheek. “I am sorry.”

“Just saying sorry will not change it, Skye.” Ty said and he stood up and looked at her. “I will love you and I want to love you, and I love the child you are carrying, but I will divorce you and go against everything I have ever been taught if being married is what is denying me the right to have the woman back whom I fell in love with, and your dad knows that, and your mom knows that now. I will not tolerate the same type of empty marriage my father had because it became all about the money and the shopping and the parties for my mother. If you are going to become the type of woman my mother was now that you are married to a man who has a couple of digits in his bank account by being the son of a wealthy man who died and thus left his sons everything, including a couple million dollar life insurance, I will have my inheritance made untouchable by me or you and leave it all for my kids for when they turn twenty-one and start from the bottom.”

Skye nodded and she watched as he walked out before she looked at her mom and then began crying when her mom pulled her close. “I did not know, mommy.”

“I know, angel.” Cartia said and she hugged her daughter and rubbed her back. “But I did warn you about it and he had the guts to tell you and he needed a lot of guts to tell you this early in your marriage.”

Skye nodded and she buried her face in her mom’s shoulder.

Cartia rubbed her back and moved her to the main bedroom and then sat down on the bed with her and rubbed her back while she cried her heart out. She threw the nearby blanket over her daughter when someone knocked on the door and then tucked it in around her. “Enter.”

“Hi.” Arend said and he closed the door before he went and sat on the bed. “Skye.”

“Yes daddy?” Skye asked softly.

“I am going to be very honest with you, you need to drop this attitude you have had for the last five weeks and put effort and time into your marriage, or you will lose the most beautiful thing you have. Your marriage is like a wide open field of roses. If your husband plants roses and all you see are thorns, you will just throw away the rose because you will never see its beauty and then no matter how many times he plants roses, you will keep on seeing thorns and he will start believing that there are only thorns and he will only reap thorns and eventually blame it on the field and destroy it.” Arend said and he wiped her cheeks. “You have the privilege of knowing how your husband feels right now and the opportunity to correct it, Do Not Waste It.”

“Yes sir.” Skye said softly. “I miss Cuddles.”

“You have been having anxiety again?” Arend asked.

Skye nodded and she wiped her cheeks. “Ty said we could get a new kitten, but the rescue would not let my kitten go until he paid the full amount for her deworming shots and flea shots and stuff.”

“Did you come and ask dad?” Arend asked.

“Ty said we need to learn to handle stuff on our own even when finances are a little tight, especially when it is as a consequence of something we did wrong.” Skye said softly.

“And I understand that, and I agree with that, but in the same time if it is medically wise, I want to know about it and I will help with it even if it means he pays me back later.” Arend said. “And I am going to tell him that. When is your kitten arriving?”

“Soon as they can get her here.” Skye said softly. “They are on the other side of the river.”

“Okay. I do not care if you are eighteen or eighty, if I am alive and have the money and you or any of your kids need anything medically wise, I want to know about it and you will get a firm talking to if I find out you had a need and did not tell me. The same counts for Ty but in the same time, I cannot force him to ask me for help but you are my daughter, okay?”

Skye nodded and she took a deep though shuddery breath. “Thanks daddy.”

“You are welcome.” Arend said and he kissed her forehead before he kissed his wife and then left again.

“Are you feeling better?” Cartia asked softly.

Skye nodded and she looked up at her mom. “Thanks mommy.”

“You are welcome.” Cartia said and she kissed her daughter’s head. “I think you need to go and mend some bridges while I get stuff ready for a movie, right?”

Skye nodded and she sat up and then took her phone from the cabinet before she pulled the mini shorts on that her mom handed to her. “Thanks.”

Cartia smiled and she kissed her cheek. “Remember, he is hurting and that is evident now.”

Skye nodded and she took a deep breath and then took her box and her clothes before she went to her room and put it away. She looked at her room and then took a deep breath before she took her bedding and her phone charger, laptop and pajamas and went to Ty’s room. She placed it on the bed and plugged her stuff in before she changed the shirt for one of his hoodies since the shirt was showing stuff. She looked at her hair and at the butterfly clasp lying on the dressing table before she took a deep breath and then went downstairs and into the playroom. “Micah?”

“Yes?” Micah asked.

“I thought we were watching movies here.” Skye said.

“Nope. Dad said we can watch in their room.” Micah said.

“Right. Any idea where Ty is?” Skye asked.

“Probably out to feed the puppies with Eden.” Micah said and she climbed out and looked at her sister. “Wow.”

“Thanks.” Skye said and she took a deep breath. “Please just ask him to come to his room when you see him?”

“Okay.” Micah said.

“Thanks.” Skye said and she went back to her bedroom and began unpacking her entire wardrobe.

“You know that this is your room, right?” Ty asked standing in the door.

Skye turned and she shrugged. “I was going to wait in your room, but only my phone charger and laptop is there and my bedding.”

“I saw.” Ty said. “But in the same time, I have been sleeping in the best spare room for the last two years.”

“And there are promises of it being personalized and it never happens.” Skye said.

“Yeah.” Ty said. “I had an empty childhood, and I watched my dad live an empty adulthood until he died in a car crash with my mom in one heck of a fancy super expensive car and none of his money could save his life.”

Skye nodded and she went to him and took his hands.

“Skye, please.” Ty said and he backed away.

“Just listen to me.” Skye said softly and she touched his cheek where a tear escaped. “I am really sorry for being a selfish jerk the last couple of weeks, but I was not feeling like myself so I battled being me because I do not know how to be me when I do not feel like me and I have hurt you without realizing it. I do not want to lose you or lose what we had before I became a jerk. I want that back, with you and no one else. I love you and I know I do not say it enough. I say it every time you say it, but I do not say it because I mean it when I think about it because I have only been focusing on what annoys me and irritates me. I do not want to anymore, and I do not know how to change my way of thinking just like that. I have anxiety attacks at least three times a day when I am at school, and I thought I was old enough to be able to handle it like an adult, but all I really am when that anxiety kicks in, is a little child who wants her daddy to pick her up and hold her close and tell her that everything is okay, and when I feel better again, I feel stupid for feeling that way because I am grown up and I am even married now and I do not know how to let you take that place in my life where when I get an anxiety attack I want you to just hold me until I feel better instead of my dad. I do not know how to change that and it scares me.”

“So why did you not say so?” Ty asked.

“Because I thought it was wrong to feel that way, and it made me believe that if I told anyone they will berate me and tell me I need to grow up because I am not six-years-old anymore. I did not tell anyone because I never have an anxiety attack when you or my dad is in the same room. I know when an anxiety attack is building up and then I can choose whom I want to go to but at school there is no one but my siblings there, and Eden can hug me and cover my ears to help it pass faster, but he is not the security to stop it in its tracks.” Skye said and she took a deep breath and bit her lip before she turned away.

Ty looked at her and then went closer and he wrapped his arms around her shoulders and held her close. “I should have thought about your anxiety when I refused to move my stuff and said you need to move into my room. This is your parents’ house and deep down inside the scared little girl that comes out when you have an anxiety attack just wants to be in her safe haven and not some ivory and brown spare room that has no character when compared with your room.”

Skye looked up at him and then turned and she buried her face in his chest and tried to take deep breaths, her anxiety making her feel claustrophobic yet have a need to just be held in that moment.