The last night

im losing you

august.

july was tough with all this ditching, broken promises, arguments and crying in rain.

august is my birthday month and so's zuzie's .

i personally feel like august would go well, but i have this one gut feeling inside me just telling me something is gonna go wrong.

i mean till my birthday, me and zuzie were fine. we fought less, and focused on schooling and tried to make time for each other.

one day before my birthday.

wednesday, august 16, 2023

me and zuzie met and just held hands way too tight, because we met after a really long time. we gossiped about the latest tea about this one couple. you know my ex best friend, liz? yea. her boyfriend cheated on her. honestly i personally feel bad for her as a woman, i really do. good for his ex ? but i hope his current girlfriend knows that he even cheats so. yea the tea is pretty good one that me and zuzie were too invested in this.

we saw them a few steps away from us so we both joked a little about that. zuzie proceeds to say, "you know fari, youre gonna be older tomorrow." "really?" says fari "doesnt even feels like im turning 15 tomorrow."

we walked home together, and as i went home my mom tells me that my brothers friends are going to come and celebrate the midnight birthday with me.

my brother, he lives abroad. i do miss him everyday. kinda wish i could just spend every second with him. sadly the starting of my teenage went without him.

i slept for a little while till 12am, and as the clock hits 12am, its august 17. my birthday. so many gifts. so many wishes. my brother on phone. so many letters, especially from my brother.

august 17

what a great day at school! my new schoolmates brought cake for me, gifts, and surprised me. cake on my face by the way. aaah! what a dreamy 15!

a very bright and a big smile on my face that just doesn't wants to fade away.

my birthday? it was a blast. cheers to 15.

somebody will now tell me they love me, and i'll

believe it and i'll live to regret it.

august 19

zuzie told me he has a gift prepared for me. i never really asked him for a gift, he's doing that on his own. i asked him the price of the gift and it costed somewhere around 12k. kinda expensive i would rather buy myself a taylor guitar with that.

we met. the air is cold, it brings peace, the sky is blue, the birds singing in a melancholic tone. i like it all. the smell of zuzie's perfume, his warm hands, his messy hair, his deep voice, his eyes, and his smile. i like it all. oh what a grace to deserve so much and the things i had once desired.

his gift was a calvin klein perfume with a small letter which smelled just like him. they both went into my memory box, the box which smells just like him.

the best gift.

august 20

i told zuzie to meet me. guess what readers!

he ditched, again.

oh lord, did i did something wrong that almost every other day you give me a heartbreak?

i sacrificed my sleep for him, and he slept exactly at the time when we were supposed to meet. i tried to not cry, but oh i did.

i wish i could accept the apology, but it made me go cold.

we continued to argue and talk less the rest of the august. at one point, we were doing fine, until this one wednesday zuzie asks to meet me. i have this fear running in me that i'll get ditched again, and im

sick of it. zuzie cant seem to understand that, and i guess thats fine. the next day was his birthday and i still couldn't make it up to him. i forgot it was his birthday, and forgot to be the first one to wish him, just like how he forgot to meet me.

when i got back from school, i wished him. i didnt had the courage to post a i********: story for him, i didnt posted till the end of the day. i ruined his birthday by not talking to him. august 31 successfully ruined for zuzie.

next, 1731, its a demise!