Finding His Sun

Chapter Ten

Adam steadily roped and steered the stray cattle back towards the ranch. He was lost in his thoughts today, and seemed to be moving a lot faster, trying to get done as soon as possible. He wanted to get back to the ranch. He was so stupid for what he said earlier to Erin. Carry you in my arms… dumb ass. He was worried he had scared her; she had a boyfriend after all. She had a boyfriend and all Adam was, was a guy who happened to be at the right place at the right time. What did he matter? He had been with her for barely a day and he was what… falling in love? How ridiculous. He tried to focus on the task at hand and they finally got the cattle situated in the right field. After that they headed back to the ranch for lunch, to see Erin. 

Erin was in the kitchen helping Delilah with chili and beans for the men. She had finally convinced Delilah to let her help, she couldn’t just sit all day; she needed to be useful. She looked over and saw the cowboys headed her way, Adam always leading the way. She wondered what his role was here. If he was going to own this one day, why was he out there doing the hard work? He seemed to be close to all the men and that comforted her. Now she was getting nervous the close they came. What should she say when he walks in? Should she stay and eat with them, or go and eat with Delilah? She honestly didn’t even know what her role was here other than being a charity case. She finally decided to just look busy and start making the drinks. One by one the men entered and greeted her. All of a sudden, the quiet kitchen turned into a madhouse. She liked the noise, the sound of the laughter, these people seemed happy to be amongst each other, it felt like a home. She missed that feeling of her whole family being together. She missed her dad trying to cook dinner that ended up burnt, or her mom playing music while her and her dad danced slowly in the kitchen. She wanted that, but knew dreams like that die, and it would only end up in heartbreak. But why did these people make her want that dream even more? 

Adam walked in and couldn’t help but smile at Erin standing in his kitchen helping. She just jumped right into his life and started caring for the people he cared for most. How could he not smile at that? Erin caught him staring and started to walk towards him. His heart beat faster just at her moving towards him. She handed him a glass of tea and gave him a smile that nearly knocked him down. He wanted to make her smile more often. 

“How was your day with Delilah, she can be a little overwhelming at first” He said with a chuckle. 

“No, everything was great! She showed me around, it’s really beautiful here” she said looking out the window. 

She went to walk away but he slowly and gently grabbed her hand, he looked her in the eyes and smiled. “Wait here” he said and took off through the kitchen grabbed a few things she couldn’t see and kissed Delilah on the head and headed back towards Erin with a bag in his hand. He grabbed her hand and led her outside. Her heart was pounding, she didn’t know where they were going but she was willing to follow. He grabbed both their jackets and they headed outside. They walked on the other side of the barn where Erin saw a massive oak tree. They stopped underneath it and Adam let go of her hand and motioned for her to look to her side. She gasped at the view. On this little hill on the other side of the barn you could see the whole valley, just miles of rolling hills that stopped at another magnificent mountain. She had lived in Wyoming her whole life and had never seen a view like this. It was like a picture. 

Adam looked over at Erin smiling at the view. That smile that pulled at his heart strings. This hill was his favorite spot and he wanted to share it with her. The look on her face was worth it. Now at least he knew how to make her smile. He put the bag down with their lunch and spread out a blanket under the oak tree. She was still enthralled by the scenery in front of her. He put her hand on her back and he could have sworn she fell into his hand just a little before turning to meet his eyes. 

“Well what do you think?” 

“It’s… it’s amazing. I don’t know how anyone could do anything but stare at this view every second of the day” she said, still smiling. “How much land do you own?” 

“My father owns 50,000 acres give or take” he said as Erin’s jaw dropped. He chucked, “it seems like a lot, but it’s never been overwhelming, it’s always felt like an honor to have this land, this view. A privilege to be the one who takes care of the land that was here before I was even a thought, and it will still be here once I’m no longer a thought. To know I had a small part in helping along is an honor I never want to take advantage of”. 

Erin looked at Adam with admiration for his dreams. He had pride in what he did, and he would work hard to get to where he wanted, she admired that, she wanted that. She wanted his passion and determination. 

He took her hand and led her to where he had laid out their lunch. She looked down and there was a whole picnic, with a quilt and the food her and Delilah had just made. Did he think of this beforehand? It didn’t matter… it was amazing she didn’t even have words. She just looked at him and couldn’t stop smiling. He motioned for her to sit down against the tree, he helped sit, she stared at the view again while he sat next to her. 

Adam didn’t sit too close; he didn’t want to scare her again like he probably did with his outburst this morning. He wanted to give her space, that was more realistic. It hurt him because all he wanted to do was be as close to her as possible, but he had to do what was best for her. 

Erin once again hated the distance between them, but she knew it was needed. He wasn’t hers to have, he was Adam. She knew he was a really nice guy and would have helped anyone in her situation. She wasn’t anything special, but still her heart hurt at the distance no matter how hard she tried not to think about it. 

The air was just cold enough for the hot chili. The leaves were starting to fall all around the fields and the grass slowly turned from green to brown. Erin loved this time of year; it was time for change. It was the time of year everything slowed down and sitting watching the world change around her was her favorite part. Now sitting here watching the most beautiful view, she felt peace. 

As they ate their lunch Adam couldn’t help but look at Erin. He tried not to stare too long, but she was enticing. He was bewildered by her beauty, by her strength and he wanted to know more. He would always want more. 

“Are you feeling any better? Some of the cuts seem to be healed better than last night” he said biting the bullet of a conversation he had been avoiding. 

Erin knew they would have to talk about last night at some point, and if she was going to talk to someone, she wanted it to be Adam. He was a comforting source of light next to her, but she hated for him to see through her facade. She wanted to be beautiful and lovable, but she was just broken. She took a breath and let go. 

“Yes, they definitely do not hurt as badly. Delilah helped me doctor them up and that helped a lot” she sighed. “I’m sorry you had to get involved with all of this. I know this isn’t how you expected to spend your Saturday night or even Sunday but thank you for… saving me” she let out with a breath. She looked at him hopeful he’d say something back. But when she met his eyes, he looked saddened. At her? Was he sad for her, sad he had to put up with her? 

“I wouldn’t say I saved you Erin. It looks like you’ve been saving yourself for some time now. I should have 'saved' you a long time ago” he said with a hint of anger behind his voice. 

Erin was taken aback by his words. She didn’t know how to reply, because after all he wasn’t wrong. Erin had been taking care of herself for over five years now, even more so after being with Mason. She was worn out and lost and sad. She always thought she could handle everything herself, but when Adam came to help her, she knew she needed it, she needed help. She wanted to tell Adam everything. She wanted to spill the contents of her broken heart in front of him and have him put them back together. But what if they were too broken, too far gone to be fixed? She was still scared, but she looked at him and knew he could help. 

“I guess you could say it’s been some time now. I guess you’re asking if that’s the first time this has happened? No, it’s not the first time” she felt tears in her eyes, but she also felt determined to finish. “I can’t count how many times it’s happened. I’m not sure I even feel it anymore. I don’t feel anything anymore. I’m not even sure how I got here. I was broken after my family fell apart, and someone offered to fix me. Someone wanted me… and I fell for it. I fell headfirst into a life I never deserved. I pushed my worry and insecurities aside and molded myself into what I was supposed to be. I never let myself feel what was happening. I made a deal with the devil and I kept it. So, now I’m back to where I started, more scarred and broken than I was before with no end in sight”. 

Erin took a deep breath and forced herself not to look at Adam. She didn’t want to see what his eyes were saying. That she was indeed broken, and weak and pathetic. She couldn’t take him of all people looking at her that way, she might break for good. 

Adam’s jaw clenched and he fought back the pit in his throat. He was mad, mad that Erin had lived a life no one should. Mad that she had to endure a sadness that was not meant for her. Mad that someone made her think she was anything but extraordinarily strong. Then he felt sad and wanted to just hold her until she felt better, until she knew how amazing she actually was. He could just hold her until it was all better. He finally took a breath and moved closer to Erin, who’s gaze was still on the ground. He wanted to look her in the eyes. He wanted to see all of the pain and anguish and put it on himself. He wanted her to stop hurting herself for something someone else decided to do to her. He gently placed his hand on the side of her face. She jumped at the touch but ended up looking him straight in the eyes, her face slowly melting in his hand. The vast ocean blue of her eyes held so much more than beauty. They held years of unrelenting torment and suffering, pain from memories that he couldn’t bear to imagine.  

When Adam touched Erin’s face that same spark radiated from his hands and warmed her face. She winced but then let them take her into their warmth. Her face melted into his hand as he held her. He came closer and encased her in an embrace she never wanted to be freed from. He gently stroked her hair and let her cry. He didn’t say a word, he was just there to take in her anger and sadness for what her soul had become. He engulfed her in an all-consuming feeling of wholeness that slowly filled in cracks she didn’t even know were there. She just sat there and let him hold her. 

After what seemed like an eternity Erin was still in his arms. She had stopped crying a while ago, but neither one of them were ready to let go. He felt like having her in his arms was where he was meant to be. He didn’t know how it was possible to be so consumed by a single person he barely knew. It made him nervous, especially not knowing what she was feeling. He didn’t think about it too much; he just wanted to hold her while he could, before they were snapped back into reality. After a while, Erin looked up into Adam’s eyes, he saw what looked like relief, maybe something he did had helped with an ounce of her pain.

“The things you’ve gone through, and the pain you’re still feeling isn’t your fault and you shouldn’t have to go through it alone. You deserve the world Erin, don’t let anyone tell you, you deserve less” he took a breath. “I want to help you. I want to be here when you need somebody. I don’t know if you want that, but no matter what I’m going to stay here and be here whenever you need me”. His heart sped up pace, but he meant what he said. He always wanted to be there for her. It all happened so fast and he didn’t know where it would lead but he wanted to find out.

Erin took a breath and let herself feel. Feel the intimacy that Adam was willing to give. His tender touch is something that had been missing from her life and didn’t want to give it up. 

They were pulled from their celestial embrace as a car pulled up the long dirt driveway. Slowly a black Cadillac made its way to the ranch house and Erin saw a smile grow on Adam’s face. He slowly sat her up from the ground and led her to the car. The passenger door opened, and a tall beautiful blonde woman got out of the car. She had legs perfectly sculpted and as long as she was tall, she was drop dead gorgeous. She had skintight light blue jeans with an embroidered belt, a yellow tucked in t-shirt with roses, and a blue turquoise cardigan that was covered with her long honey blonde curls. She looked over at Erin and Adam and flaunted her picture perfect but humble smile. Erin was curious as to who she was but didn’t ask, she just kept smiling at the gorgeous woman. Next, the driver side opened and a huge man, bigger than Adam, got out of the car that now looked small compared to him. The man had a similar cowboy persona like Adam, but instead he was in dress pants and a formal white button up shirt and tie. Next, the back door opened, and the cutest little boy came bouncing down. Erin thought he was at least five maybe younger, but he had blonde disheveled hair like the woman and the prettiest brown eyes. All of a sudden, the little boy darted towards her and Adam with the biggest smile. 

“Uncle Adam!!!” the little boy belted while jumping into Adams arms. 

Adam spun him around a few times and threw him in the air which insured a loud laughter from the toddler. Erin couldn’t help but smile at the captivating sight of Adam and his family. The gorgeous woman strode towards us with smooth grace and refinement Erin never knew a person could consume. She stopped in front of us with the same infectious smirk as Adam. 

“Erin this is my sister Sarah, her husband Lance and my nephew Parker”. 

“And you must be the girl my brother’s been lookin’ for his whole life”.