Finding His Sun

Chapter Eleven

Erin, Adam, and his sister’s family started walking back to the ranch house. Erin had been taken back by what Sarah had said. Did Adam like her? Did he want more like Erin did? She knew she felt something, but she didn’t know what he felt. She knew he said he would be there for her, but what did that mean?

When the group got to the house Erin saw a huge bonfire closer to the stables and everyone gathering around. When the men saw Sarah, they erupted running to her giving her hugs and spinning her around. Everyone was laughing and hugging, even Lance who seemed a little out of place; and Parker was already running around with the dogs. It was a scene from a movie with the picture-perfect family. The fire burning, a home cooked meal, music, and happiness.

Erin had learned a lot about Adam’s family since they arrived. Sarah married Lance when Mr. Graves bought Lance’s father's ranch and saved him from going bankrupt. Sarah and he fell in love and got married three months later. Lance was a lawyer a few towns over, and never had lost a case. He started off working on the ranch like Adam but loved law and learning more than what the ranch had to offer. Sarah was just as smart as she was pretty. She owned a nonprofit organization for inner-city children in the foster care system. Sarah had talked to Erin at length about all the amazing work her company had accomplished, and once again Erin admired the Graves family’s ambition and determination for their dreams. Parker was four and wanted to be a cowboy just like his grandpa and uncle. Meeting Adam’s family made Erin feel even more comforted and welcomed if that was possible. Everyone had gathered around the fire and Neal was playing his guitar. 

Adam got Erin and him a chair to sit around the fire. The men talked about what they did in the bunk house the rest of the day. Delilah had cooked homemade cornbread and roast gravy over the fire. These were the nights Adam couldn’t get enough of. He loved being surrounded by land, the stars and family. He looked over at Erin who was talking to Sam and Levi, she looked comfortable, she looked more confident than she did earlier in the day. Her scars and bruises didn’t define her face, tonight her smile stole the show. Sarah came and sat next to Adam with a soft smile. 

“You really like her, don’t you?”

“I do… I mean, I don’t know what I feel. But whatever it is, I don’t want it to stop” he said, still looking at Erin. 

“Don’t stop. I can see the way you look at her. She’s your sun, soak it up”. 

Adam looked at Erin again and smiled, he loved looking at her. Neal had been playing his guitar when a few other of the guys jumped up and Delilah started to sing. Sarah and Parker were dancing and so was Delilah and Cookie. Erin was standing laughing at the site when Ben came and took her hand, and they were dancing around the fire with the rest of them. Adam heard the most angelic laugh escape her and Erin’s eyes filled with joy as Ben spun her around and around. Adam just sat back and watched as the broken girl he carried away last night was replaced with a ray of sunshine he never wanted to stop staring at. Ben and her finally hugged as the music slowed down and she caught her breath. Adam got up and slowly locked his eyes with hers and strode toward her. When he got right in front of her he held his hand out to her, eyes still locked. 

“May I have this dance?” he asked with his sweet smile and that smooth country accent. 

Erin was shocked with Adam’s question, but she found herself easily taking his hand in hers. He slowly pulled her into his chest. She relaxed her head on his chest and it felt natural, like they did this all the time. She wanted to do this all the time. For some reason, right here, right now was exactly what Erin wanted. Adam wrapped his sturdy arms around her and placed his hands on her hips and then the small of her back. Erin let her arms wrap around his neck and fall into his hold. They slowly moved their bodies to the beat and swayed together like no one else was around them. Erin breathed in Adam’s scent and warmth filled her bones. She forgot about everything. Everything that had happened the past five years, all suffering and stress, all the unknown, faded away into the night air as Adam held her in his arms. 

Adam held onto Erin with passion. He knew he would never know the torment of emotions that Erin had in her heart, but he wanted to try. He wanted to hold her, understand her and love her. The feeling of her leaning into him was a feeling of fulfillment, something he wanted for so long. He knew he didn’t have any right to hold her or claim her, he barely even knew her, but he felt it. He felt like he never wanted to let go. 

The music slowed and Neal started to play something faster, and everyone was back to laughing and dancing, except for Adam and Erin. Adam held Erin in his arms for a little while longer. Erin felt tears come to the surface of her eyes and a pit form in her heart. What was she thinking? Adam had this unbelievable life here and now, and she came from a place where she had to take care of people who didn't even want her. How was this supposed to work? What would she tell Mason or Ryan? She felt like she had escaped to a utopia and all of her problems faded, when in reality she had just ran away. Ran away from her shambles of a life that would eventually ruin Adam’s life too. She didn’t want that, she didn’t want Adam to hurt, ever. She looked up at Adam and melted again, she knew it wouldn’t last but she would hold onto him while she could. 

Adam stared into Erin’s eyes, lost in the ocean. She backed away slowly with a sheepish smile, and blushed when she saw everyone looking at them. Her frown turned back to a smile when everyone whistled and howled. All the guys started to fight over who got the next turn to dance with Erin and she once again burst into a contagious laughter as she was spun around the fire with Callum this time. Adam started thinking this is what Heaven must feel like. 

The night started to wind down, and Sarah and Lance took Parker to bed while Erin helped Delilah pick up from the night’s festivities. The men slowly started and stumbled drunkenly toward the bunk house to get ready for bed. Adam walked Erin up to his room in the ranch house and got her some clothes to sleep in and clothes for tomorrow. He came back into the room to see Erin staring out the window. 

“I’ve never seen so many stars, it’s hard to pull your eyes away”, she said with a peaceful smile. She looked over to see Adam staring at her. She didn’t know what came over her but suddenly she was walking towards him. She was standing an inch from his face, and he placed a soft hand on her chin, and she looked up to meet his gaze. Suddenly electricity accelerated through her body as his lips met hers with tenderness. She was taken in by his longing and let herself kiss him back and their lips bonded together. One of his hands was wrapped around her back pulling her in with gust and power, while his other was still relaxed on the side of her face lovingly. She felt lightheaded with passion for the man holding her like she had never been held. 

Adam felt the thrilling sensation of holding Erin in his arms. Having his lips against hers only solidified his feelings and affection he had for her. He slowly pressed his lips harder into hers while she reciprocated the pleasure. She ran her fingers through his hair while he grabbed her waist. They never wanted to part. 

Adam gradually stopped the kiss and looked at her with devotion. 

“I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t have, but…” her voice trailed off. 

He grabbed her cheek again wiping away the worry. “Don’t apologize for making my night. You keep pulling me in. You just don’t see how remarkable you actually are, and I’m not sorry for kissing you. I’d do it again, every hour of every day until you told me to stop”. 

Erin just stared at his calm demeanor and didn’t know how to respond. She felt the same way but knew it would just cause him pain. This wasn’t her life, this was Adam’s. She wanted to love him, her heart loved him, but she knew he deserved better. She would love him as long as she could. She curled her hands into his and smiled. 

“Would you stay here… with me? Just for tonight” she said, hopeful he wanted to leave her just as little as she wanted him to leave. A smile crept across his face and he kissed her again. This kiss wasn’t one of lust or passion, but pure love and comfort. 

They laid in bed with Adam’s arm around Erin’s waist. He didn’t know why she asked him to stay, but he wasn’t going to argue. If she wanted him to lay with her, he would. She looked at him and they just took each other in. 

“You know I’m not what you think I am Adam. You think I’m pretty or a mystery to figure out, but it’s not true” she looked down now with a tear welling up in her eye. “I look around here at this life you have and it’s not even close to what I have. I have a shattered idea of love and family. I have more baggage than you could carry, and I would never ask you too. This life, it’s beautiful, and it doesn’t need to be destroyed by the hurt I’d bring to it. I’m not together, I don’t have a plan. Everyday I’m scared of what disaster will strike next and leave me with more missing pieces. I’ve given too many pieces of myself and my heart, I don’t know if there are any more to love. I… I can’t do that to you. You deserve the world and more… and that’s not me”, she let out a deep breath as if she had dropped a weight in front of him. She silently cried next to him knowing what she had just said. It was true, she was too far gone to be put back together. Every piece of her shattered being was broken beyond compare. 

He wiped away her tears and kissed her forehead. He tried to think of the words to say, to say she was more than wrong. Wrong that she was destroyed enough to hurt him. Wrong that she wasn’t enough.

“Erin, don’t you think for a second that you’re the thing that can hurt me, when you’re the exact thing that makes me feel whole. I thought I had it all until I met you. It’s funny that you think I have a choice to let you go… Baby you have my whole heart for my whole life. I wish I could explain to you the effect you have on me. The way your eyes stare into me with a fire I could never put out. Or how your voice sends butterflies up my body. And how your smile makes my heart skip a beat. You aren’t hurting me… you’re making me fall… hard. And I’ll keep on falling if it means I land in your arms” he could see the excitement but worry in her eyes. “I know this is crazy, and it’s complicated, but I’m here for you. I won’t let anyone hurt you. I don’t know if you feel the same way, but I’ll wait until you do”. 

She had tears falling more rapidly down her face, but now with a smile. She felt the same way, she didn’t know how, but she did. She believed everything he said and wanted more. She wanted more time with him, in his arms. He kissed her softly again. 

“You don’t have to say anything right now. Just stay with me. For at least a few days. Let me love you, okay?”

“Okay” she said with a smile she couldn't contain. 

She nestled her head underneath and his chin and he pulled her in close while stroking her hair. She felt safe, for once. She felt like she had a place she belonged. She let him hold her until she was sound asleep. 

Adam woke up from the sunlight slowly falling into the room. He looked over at the angelic being resting in his arms. He was enthralled by her beauty, she looked so peaceful. He enclosed his arms around her, and she stirred. She turned around to look at him. She smiled when she saw him staring at her already. 

“Good Morning” she said with a sleepy smile. 

He kissed her forehead “Good Morning. I think I could get used to this". They sat there together while they woke up. 

“I have a fun day with the guys today if you’re up for it. Ever ridden a horse?” he said with an excited smile 

“It’s been years, I'm not sure if I remember how,” Erin said, a little embarrassed. 

Her comment made Adam smile even bigger, which confused her. 

“Perfect. You can ride with me”.