Saturday
Disappointment stricken, Van slouches against a wall. Underneath her her knees buckle and she fails to support her own weight, sadly crashing towards the ground like an apple would fall from a branch and onto the ground below. Her hands are motionless. Her chest rises steadily heaving up and falling down, repeating the cycle all over again. A low sigh escapes her lips, sounding off a wave of defeat. Tiredness settles in and everything seems to freeze. The racing thoughts Van faced begin to lose momentum and her beating heart begins to slow, almost returning to its normal pace. A small barely noticeable smile creeps onto Van's solemn face. She looks worn, exhausted, like she was trying hard to run but just made it in time for something. Her head snaps up, her brown eyes gape at the ceiling, she starts to wonder why such a thing could happen to her.
Her first thought had not been to run. Out of humanistic instinct, Van felt the urge to remain standing in her spot in front of the little house she had grown to love over the years, the same one she had always dreamt about as a child, always yearning to enter but never quite daring to because deep inside she was afraid of what awaited her within the rooms, however sweet or cruel. When she finally had the courage to go inside she was overjoyed, but now that feeling is overpowered by the betrayal that jumped out from underneath the covers. And so like her mother taught her to, she dashed away from the pain and retreated back to a place she knew she would forever be welcomed at--home.
5 Days Earlier
Nothing ever happened as planned and for some time that was okay. Promises were made to be broken, right? What difference does it make really? Sometimes it appeared that not worrying about it was the way to go. Van did not have this perspective until she learned to get over it. Life threw hurdles at everyone but for her it happened to threw one at her at the worst moments ever, leaving a permenant scar right above her right collarbone (but she does not discussing it; it is private). Times sure have changed her, though. No longer is she the quiet girl who hides behind her mother's frame, she is an independent young lady who is still searching for her life's calling. Simply being passive does not make her content anymore. She wants something different. Something more.
The worst thing that could happen long ago was determined by how long of a time before fun would finally occur, like a child being told they could not play with the marigolds or visit the local park which is practically tucked close by, all the loudness and temper tantrums that would erupt just due to the fact that a little child, no matter how or how small, was prohibited from enjoying all the hot summer days and the rainy swampy ones, too. During that tender time, as a child, Van would with no doubt forget about misfortunes that would litter the good days and worsen the bad days. But now, as Van stands face to face with one of the most devastating moments of her life, she wishes she could just recoil from the scene and escape from the prying eyes of the world, only to free herself from the excruciating pain that rippled throughout every inch in her body. At the moment, time seemed to freeze. Her breath turned to fire and scorched the inner lining of her mouth, including all of the tissues and her gums. Nothing was left. Nothing.
Arms drape themselves around Van enveloping her into a mess of "sorry's" and "I'll fix it's" and pleads for her not to go. Her head sinks naturally into the husky scent of her pacifist. Slowly, she nods. A single tear runs from her eye, welcoming a whole wave of others identical to it--hot and sad--she whimpers in bafflement, her heart about to break into a million more pieces.
"Sorry...." The words are spoken gently. Van imagines the same voice on another day, last week when the trio ventured out from the neighbor and took a voyage downtown to get a load of the city life. There is not much of a difference, everything is all there, especially the sweetness she has come to love. "Look, you don't understand--you might think that you do, but you don't, trust me, please...OK?!"
Van releases a choked sob. Her mind switched to overdrive, her worse fears resurfacing, threatening her entire will power of her plan to pretend now and decide later than sooner. In the back of her mind she silently cursed.
Her pacifist guides her away from the voice...far away.
