Lost Hope

I began my descent into insanity over two years ago. I was only a high schooler. My Junior year to be specific. My parents had loved me and my siblings like we were the only kids in the world. My brother Jake was two years ahead of me and my sister Lyla is my twin. I'm younger by four minutes, but she never lets me live that down. We are both 5’6”. I am way skinnier than Lyla now, but back then we were both at 170 lbs each. Not having a wolf yet always left teenagers a little on the heftier side. Nobody approved of the extra weight, but it really wasn’t our fault, well kinda. Dad made us do extra training and Mom limited our diets in hopes of losing the extra poundage. We discovered that keeping extra snacks in our lockers was the way around our parents. I had the chocolate, Lyla had the chips. Dad was always so confused why we were on such a strict regimen and not losing any weight at all. It was our secret. The secret that as twins, you know you won’t betray each other. Lyla and I were always in competition with each other. I kept a 4.2 GPA, she kept a 4.0. I was a Junior in advanced classes, she couldn’t handle the advanced placement. I would graduate with an associates degree, when I graduated High school. Lyla had completed one class and decided the courses were too difficult. I would run a mile in 6 minutes during training, she would run in 8. I had a black belt in three different fighting forms by 12, she only had one by 16. There were greater expectations of her, being 4 minutes older than I. They saw me as the baby of the family. Mom couldn't have any more kids after our births went so wrong leaving me forever as the baby. My life had been ok. I excelled at everything I had tried. Nothing had been a challenge. The peace that had been my life did not continue into adulthood. Typically at 17 as a female, you find your mate and you get your wolf. I did not find my mate. Thinking someone had taken a sick day yesterday, I searched the next day. The next day became the next and so on. Suddenly it is two years later and I'm alone more than I have ever been. I don’t think it’s fair. Everything else had been easy, so why was fate the one thing that was not. I want my mate more than anything in this millennium. The others loved the life out of their wolves. At least I had a wolf. The wolf becomes your support and your best friend. She leads me through most of my struggles with determination and a sense of hatred towards those around me. She was a challenge to control, but with many runs I managed to keep a sort of control. Should I lose control I fear what the consequences would be. She is volatile, and I am well trained. Her opinion of me is not very high and her disapproval of me not finding my mate makes the control thing a huge issue. A mate becomes your forever. The one who will never leave your side. The one to fill this gaping hole of loneliness inside me. The pain is indescribable. The edge is always there. I wish it would end. Some days I didn’t only mean by finding my mate. I’m 19 years old now, about to begin my Junior year of college. My wolf is on the larger side for a typical wolf. Nobody is really sure why. Her size has always made my current Alpha uncomfortable. He doesn't like the unknown in his pack. When my mate didn’t show up within the month he kicked me out. He forced me to move off land and leave my family behind. I missed my twin more than anyone else. I am pretty sure we could still mindlink, but being different pulled us apart. I had to finish high school while living in the woods at night, then attending school during the day. The locker room was always unlocked in the morning. I’ve always wondered who did that, but am pretty sure it was Coach. He’s an Elder in the Council and has brought up my treatment many times. Occasionally he accidentally left his “extra lunch” in there too. I was a new wolf who hadn’t been taught to hunt. My parents were too disappointed to give my oddity a chance. They considered me being mate less a handicap. At least I still had my ability to shift. She was beautiful in her own rights. Her fur was a golden brown with a black collar encircling her neck. My twin wolf looked nothing like mine. Hers was a dark black like the night with white paws, ears, and tail. Lyla had a wolf that was identical to both of our parents and Jake. When I first shifted the pack was very confused by my colorings and markings. Typically your wolves should have been identical to your twin. She was half the size of me. I was larger than my brother, who was to become the alpha of the West Woods pack. Something was not right from day 1 of being a fully mature wolf. Lyla had found her mate at school that day. He was from the neighboring pack and an Alpha. The high school we attended contained all werewolf teens. Some students would travel for mile to get to school, but the teens never cared. The mornings gave them the opportunity to run in wolf forms as long as they kept to the woods. I’m one of the few females in history who did not receive her forever. Ok. I am the only one.