Lost Hope

Start of My Everyday

After learning my first lesson. In the woods I realized. I was definitely going to have to step up my game in survival. The fever had left me weak and with multiple consequences.

For example werewolves weren't supposed to show weakness. Our bodies were genetically stronger. I could barely walk at the time, only making it a mile stoping at least four times. In the beginning that mile included drinking full lists of water because of the amount of sweat rolling down my back. I struggled to finish what little bit of food I could catch causing me to lose even more weight. I was now a 5’6” weighing only 90 lbs. The reflection in the lake water showed a pale bony she-wolf.

The book the coach's wife had given me had described how to start a fire but didn't exactly explain what supplies I would need to use for the fire. It also seemed like it was perpetually raining at this time so all the wood was always wet.

The fever had caused relentless nightmares.

I almost wondered if maybe my temperature had gotten so high it caused permanent brain damage. My second theory was maybe almost dying triggered something.

That wasn't really supposed to happen in werewolves either.

The nightmares started in ways that left me terrified of what was to come. They didn't leave any chance for me to heal properly still.

I was always tired and still am.

The exhaustion was all consuming two years ago, but now I live everyday in a state of tiredness with responsibilities.

I had to finish my homework still and maybe find the strength to get food. I was in a constant state of hunger and shifting at night to stay warm until I could figure out how to insulate my tiny shed, made the hunger always at the forefront.

My food hidden out in the mini-fridge was really only snack items. They could get me by, but never filled me up.

My nights were enraptured by my typical dream.

Tonight was the same. Always the same.

It seemed like a flash of what was to come. I could never figure out if it came from the past or if it was the future. There were only pieces almost like flashes making me think I was watching a past film.

It was a film I never would have picked for myself, knowing the ending.

The dream always began with the sunkissed version of me sitting in the woods waiting. Compared to me, then I almost seemed translucent. I'm so pale from having to keep to the woods and now living in a shed. I don’t get alot of time outside my work or school to be in the sun.

What followed her just sitting and waiting never failed. The fallen tree sat on seemed comfortable and familiar. She seemed at peace with everything going on around her, listening quietly to nature around her.

This led to the part I dreaded, the part that I wish I could change.

I was immobile every dream.

Even if I could have warned her there was no awareness to her repeated actions.

She didn't see death arrive. She never did. It blindsided her.

During each and every dream she spoke only two words with admiration in confidence. They rolled off her tongue in familiarity. She spoke as if they'd been together for a long time.

They seem to be a name.

King Matthew?

Her love was obvious making the next action painful.

He slid his hands along her soft sunkissed skin adoringly.

He stared into her eyes mesmerised as she leaned into his hands.

He gently swiped where the mate Mark should go and wrapped the other hand around her shoulder casually. It was an action that had occurred many times over. He seemed to be repeating every typical love scene known.

The same thing happened in every dream. This nightmare.

As swiftly as the love, he displayed, he briskly snapped her neck.

The forest echoed with the crack.

The crack seemed to echo for miles.

As she dropped to the ground, she stared at me with lifeless eyes. The lingering love makes me sick to my stomach. He said no words to her. There was not even an apology to ending her life so young.

I awoke startled and sweating. The dreams were becoming more intense as time had gone on.

They leave me exhausted and curious throughout the day. I found it so weird how much I related to the woman. Her looks, her confidence, and her passion. Her love was immense.

I don't understand why he did this.

I'm so confused why her? Why him?

My dreams have not yet revealed that and I honestly hope they don't. Because that means the dreams will have continued. I really wish they would end. That I can imagine her story actually had a fairy tale ending.

I check my alarm clock.

I'm late.

I did my homework last night leaving me an extra hour to sleep, that was rare for me.

My housekeeping took up a lot of my time and would often take the entire night leaving me a short time frame to complete my homework.

I got up and ran my fingers through my stupidly thick hair pulling it back in a ponytail for the day.

I didn't have time for a shower the world must deal with my stench.

I knew there would be consequences for not brushing my hair at this time. And also we're not getting a chance to clean my face because everyone enjoys a werewolf with acne.

This day is already going to suck.