BLAMELESS SORROWS

9. Home!

Axel's Point Of View.

Still 15 years old.

I quickly turn back to Tilbe and went to comfort her.

Axel: Hey Tilbe, what's wrong? Is it hurting anywhere? Huh? Does it hurt?

When I said that she wail more and more making all of us worried sick. Grandpa and Uncle Jo is by her side too by now.

Grandpa: Little one, you have to tell me what is wrong for me to be able to do anything for you. Please tell grandpa what's wrong? Okay?

She shake her head and clung on to me more and more.

Axel(softly) : Little gift, what is wrong? Please tell me okay?

She cried more and now even hiccupping here and there.

Axel(gently) : Little gift, please tell me okay. Is is hurting? Does anything hurt?

She shake her head, her cried lessening just by little.

Tilbe: Axel can't go away, I will go with him if he do. You can't go to a dark place leaving me okay?

Oh damn, she heard everything. Wasn't she suppose to be sleeping. This time I glare at uncle Jo, while he look at me sheepishly.

Axel(gently) : Iam not going, so please stop crying.

Tilbe: But you just told grandpa, you will!

And once again another crying session begins, while I tried my best to sooth her.

Axel: I won't, I won't. Have I ever lied to you little gift?

She shake her head in a no while hiccupping here and there, while I wipe her tears picking her up by my side.

Axel: Then why would I this time? I will stay with Tilbe all the time, so please stop crying alright, you will get sicker this way.

She nod her head but in denial, tears pooling by her eyes once more.

Tilbe: But you said you will hurt everyone and you will leave for that and grandpa and Uncle Jo didn't even stop you.

Her pitch went higher by the end of the sentence while she look accusingly towards grandpa and Uncle Jo.

Grandpa and Uncle Jo went from looking at her with worries eyes to shock filled eyes.

Uncle Jo: Little Vasely, thats because before we can speak, you burst out crying and we can do nothing about it.

She look at them, assessing whether they were saying the truth. For a while she do that and then she turn back to me and whisper but all of us can hear her.

Tilbe: Axel, look at them for me. Are they telling the truth or lying?

I chuckle at her, they look so sincerely and truthfully worried and moreover when they said they love and care for me, it shine. Making me more sad to even think of parting with them, my second family.

Axel: Of course they are saying the truth, little gift.

She relaxed a little as I said that.

While grandpa look at her in total disbelieve.

Grandpa: Iam hurt little one, first Axel said he only love Tilbe and now Tilbe is saying she only trust Axel? What about grandpa, who will love me then?

Tilbe/Axel: I didn't said that.

We said that at the same time with a tone of total denial. Both of us definitely didn't say such words.

After saying that, both of us look at grandpa in disapproval while he chuckle looking at us.

Grandpa: I feel like you are my elder since you look at me like that, it's sad, I feel like Iam being scolded.

Tilbe: Grandpa is older, don't worry.

Tilbe innocently said very seriously trying to encourage grandpa that he is still old like he is. This make all three of us look at her and smile while she confusedly look at all of us.

Tilbe: And Tilbe love Grandpa most.

With that she raised her hand making grandpa picked her up and kiss her on her cheeks.

Grandpa: And grandpa love Tilbe most.

Wow talk about who is all left out, all of a sudden.

Uncle Jo: Then uncle Jo love little Rafa most.

And with that he came and hug me sideways. While I smile at him and play along.

Axel: And I love Uncle Jo most.

Tilbe giggle looking at us while grandpa shake his head in disbelieve.

Tilbe: Grandpa, Axel won't go to a dark place like he said right?

Grandpa shake his head in a no.

Grandpa: No he won't, I promise I would make sure of it.

Tilbe finally smile, but I know I can't do that.

Axel: But if I stay here, then I will end up hurting people.

Grandpa and Uncle Jo look at me worriedly when I said that.

Grandpa: We can control the Tama Axel, it's just that it might take time.

But I might have already hurt people by that time, what will happen if I did do that to them.

Axel: But that may take a long while and I might hurt them in the process. Leaving me alone is better for everyone.

As soon as I said that, Tilbe starts to whimper once again ready to cry. I swear I will never understand why she is here when we are having a conversation of such sensitive topic.

She raised her hand once more waiting for me to take her from Grandpa, which I happily take.

Her lips puckered as she look up at me and her eye largen, tears pooling.

Oh No!

Axel: No crying little gift, please.

She pucker her lips more and more not even trying to listen to me.

Tilbe: Axel, you told me you will stay with me all the time, so why are you trying to go away?

I smile at her tenderly, getting all the hair that is getting in her way.

Axel: Your Axel is not good for other people, what if I hurt them. Then all the people in the palace will become sick and unhappy because of me, all of them just because of me. Thats not fair right?

Tilbe: Then, let shut off the palace like they did with Rupenzel.

I look at her confused, said what now.

Tilbe: You said you won't hurt me, uncle Jo or Grandpa because we are family right?

Wow, how long has she been awake. This cheeky little thing.

Nonetheless I nod my head.

Tilbe: Then we will let all the other people go, and won't let anyone to enter inside your side of the palace.

My side of the palace? I have a side of a palace, since when?

Axel: My side of the palace?

Tilbe: Umm, I told you I will give you half of anything that is mine right?

I nod my head.

Tilbe: And grandpa said this palace is mine too, right grandpa?

Grandpa nod agreeing with her, while I look at him in disbelieve.

Tilbe: So I will give you half, and no one will be allowed to enter in that area. If emergency arise, with grandpa permission they can enter in mine. Like if we need to order food and all.

I chuckle at that, I can't believe her emergency is ordering food.

Axel: But who will take care of the house if everyone is gone.

We don't have tonnes of maids or house keepers or knight guarding us like other royals of other place.

Rather Iklu is unique, thus even when we live in the palace we do most of our stuff ourself. But since Tilbe is quite young and Grandpa is getting older and older so it's hard for him to take care of Tilbe, so we keep some help.

There is aunt Monica who is a chef here, then there is Uncle Hardy who take care of the garden and Aunt Susan and Uncle Charles who help in taking care of the palace.

Uncle: I can cook for all of us, and I will take care of grandpa myself, and of course you two as a side job.

I look at him dryly, does he really think this will work.

Grandpa: Yes good jop Tilbe, we will shut this part of the palace and then will live together here. While all the other official activity will take part in the other side of the palace, like the meetings and the conference or any public matter. And all the people in the palace will be there. So we will stay here until Axel is comfortable enough to go out.

I look at him speechless, how is he coming up with all this thing and why is everyone agreeing with Tilbe ridiculous Rupenzel idea?

And when grandpa said we will shut this side of the palace, he meant the east side.

The palace is such that it has a main house where people can have audience, where minister meet to discuss anything. And may it be a celebration or anything it took place there. And there is space for us to live there too, which is what we have been doing from before.

And the side we are right now is the north side, which is about two miles away from the main palace and between that is a garden. The east side of the palace is the forest where I was before, while in the west is also full of forest. So basically we are surrounded by forest now.

And the one we are staying is small compared with the main building. This house is completely made of wood, and is more like a round structure. The common room in the middle, kitchen in one side while the other five room surrounding it.

Outside is a long terrace rounding the hose completely filled with different kind of flowers, courtesy of little gift.

Grandpa: That way everyone will have a happy ending and nothing will happen like Axel worries about.

Axel: But.. b.

Tilbe: No but!

They will be burden by me forever, they won't be able to interact with people as they wish because of me, they will have to sacrifice their comfort for me to be fine. Isn't this a bit too much to ask, after all the things they have done for us.

Grandpa: Hey, little boy; Listen to Grandpa, in life nothing and I mean nothing means more than our love ones. And that include our family, you for us. And that's why all the other little things are nothing compared to you, and we are happy we have a way out okay.

I nod my head overwhelm by the sincerity I see in his words.

Uncle: And besides, Iam here aren't I? Don't worry about anything else other than recovering, your uncle will take care of everything.

Tilbe: And I will make sure there are fruits everywhere if food dilevery is not possible.

I chuckle at that.

Grandpa: Okay, take some rest both of you. Let grandpa go and prepare all the things needed and consult the doctors about everything. You both are sure nothing hurts anymore right?

I nod my head, while Tilbe do the same thing.

Grandpa: I will bring the doctor just in case later.

We both nod again.

With that both Grandpa and Uncle Jo left, grandpa to arrange things and talk to the doctor while Uncle Jo to prepare for us our needed food.

When they went out, Tilbe went and sit in front of me with a determined face.

Tilbe: Axel, you won't try to go away right!

I shake my head in a no, I wish I have the courage to even try but I don't, I really don't. I just want to stay with them all happily like Iam doing right now.

Axel: I guess, all of you have to suffer with me because of me curse, or yet because Iam a curse

Tilbe shake her head violently at that, in denial.

Tilbe: No, Axel is not a curse. Axel is my brother who saved me when Iam in danger and won't let me get hurt.

I look at her blankly not really perceiving anything she said clearly.

Tilbe: Remember, grandpa says if you are not provoked your Tama will not have come out. But it did because you were so angry with the beast cause it hurt me right?

I nod, I indeed was angry because it hurt Tilbe.

Tilbe: So, if Axel thinks that Axel is a curse then I will think that Iam the one who make you a curse, and will really hate me.

I shake my head rapidly as a no, she did not. Nothing is her fault and it is that way; there is no other way.

She is not the cause and is not related to any of this Tama stuff. But before I can say anything else she continue.

Tilbe: But if not, The Tama is a blessing for me, it save my life by saving me from the beast. It take my pain away when I so helplessly scream for help. It was the weapon weild by Axel, that save me. Cause if not, I will be dead by now.

I guess it really is a blessing, because even though I hate the Tama with all my might, if it does not exist then little gift won't be here talking to me right now, and that scared me much more than the Tama can.

No matter how scary and gloomy my life look because of the Tama, it still exist. But if that world is a world without the Tama and without Tilbe, that world will have already being wipe out by the darkness within me. And that though make me accept myself a little more.

Tilbe: Iam not saying that you have to count the Tama as blessing, but let's not call you a curse because of it either. Because it's not, it save my or our life, didn't it? And my life is precious to Axel like yours is to me right?

Sometimes I wonder whether she is really this young, this little one can speak words that heal me from the within. Her words makes the most sense and comfort me the most.

Axel: Of course it is, you are the most precious person and the one I loved the most.

Tilbe: Not uncle Jo?

I chuckle at that.

Axel: Nop, it's just Tilbe. I love Tilbe the most. But let's keep this as our little secret okay?

She nod happily when I said that and link our hand as a promise that it will be our secret.

Tilbe: So then we have taken Tama is not a curse but just as a naughty thing we need to take care of carefully and make it work right?

I nod at that, anything that can make Tilbe happy. And besides I myself is too attached and love her too much to ever consider leaving her if there is any other way possible.

Tilbe: So you won't run away from us to any dark place right?

And she look at me pointedly acting like a grown up making me smile warmly at her.

Axel: I won't even think of it.

When I said that, she happily hug me and stay like that for a while but still blabbering her never ending rants which I have grown to love.

Tilbe: Axel, I also have a nickname for you, like you called me little gift.

Axel: Oh, is it?

Tilbe: Umm, since Axel protected me and destroyed the beast for me with the Tama like a weapon, I want to call you an axe, a powerful and sharp one at that. But I don't like that everyone will know what I mean if I call you axe, so it will be axe but without an e, so Ax.

I chuckle at her, for the ridiculous yet cute theory.

Axel: Be honest, you think of me as a sword first but since you can't link that to my name, you said axe right?

She look back at me shock!

Tilbe: How did you know?

I laugh out loud looking at her expression, making her follow along.

While we were laughing to ourself Uncle Jo come back with the food while Grandpa came with the doctor.

So the doctor was given the first priority and he check both of us all over but having found nothing wrong with us, decide everything is fine and went away with grandpa.

And that is when Uncle Jo start feeding us the porridge, which I gulp down hungrily and Tilbe doing the same.

And while we were gobbling up everything Grandpa came back,

Grandpa: Oh, you guys are eating. Then eat up to your fills, grandpa will be back later.

I nod agreeing with him but Tilbe think otherwise as she ask him

Tilbe: But grandpa, what happen to the beast that attack us?

Oh yeah, how did I forget about it. What happen to it?

I also look at grandpa curiously like Tilbe is doing.

Axel: And why do you keep calling it as 'him'?

He talk about it as if he know it very well fr before, right from when I was attacking it making me a bit confused.

He sigh again, while Uncle Jo ran away with the excuse that he has somewhere else to be. We look at Uncle Jo escaping and then back at Grandpa.

Grandpa: Really, nothing escape you kids!

Anyway, I have let it go.

Tilbe dramatically gasp as she hear that while I do too mimicking her. While grandpa look at me unimpressed making me dropped what I was doing.

Tilbe: But it might attack people again like it did to us.

Grandpa: Before you freak out more, the beast is a person who is in their first shift so it lose control.

Both Tilbe and me look at grandpa in interest, grandpa has already told us the story of the human clan who can turn into beast and much about there family history so we know quite well.

It was quite simple at that time, like we had the ability to see the truth and and grow plant, they too have the ability to shift into another shape.

Grandpa: It seems the shifter is quite young and shift before his time, thats why he is agitated. But nonetheless, that won't happen again as proper help will be given and he will be able to shift properly from the next time.

Tilbe : But grandpa who is he?