BLAMELESS SORROWS

53. King.

Axel's Point of View.

We finish our small brunch in that way, while talking about everything.

Tilbe: Wow, Iam stuffed. Thank you for the cake Ax.

I smile at her and kept the leftover at the fridge while Uncle Jo finish up with cleaning the dishes.

Grandpa: Axel, will you come out with me by the garden side to talk with this old man for a bit?

I nod my head a bit confused at why we need to go out when we are here together anyway, but nonetheless I agree.

Tilbe and Uncle Jo look at us weirdly while I just shrug.

Uncle: What kind if secrecy is this in the house?

Tilbe nod agreeing with him.

Grandpa: Nop, nothing is coming out. And Jo make sure Tilbe dont listen in to our conversation.

Tilbe widen her eyes as grandpa said that while we went outside leaving the two curious soul behind, but before I went out I hear Tilbe mumbling.

Tilbe: Iam not the type to eavesdrop on others like that.

Oh she is! People said curiousity killed the cat. But in her case if her curiousity is not quench then it will kill her instead.

Anyway we went out and seat down by the small fountain but grandpa went back and quickly shut the door making me chuckle.

Grandpa: I know Tilbe best, and Iam quite sure she won't be able to stay still. Mainly when this is the first time she is secluded away like this.

I chuckle once more at that, she really will die of curiosity.

Grandpa: So how does it feel taking care of Tilbe all by yourself, is it as tiring as you expect or is it more tiring.

He sit down besides me as he said while I smile at the choice.

Axel: I can handle it preety well. She seems to have really grown up this time around, it kind of make me miss the little gift who is a but more childish and is always running around us.

Grandpa chuckle at that.

Grandpa: The way you talk make it seems like you are older than me.

I smile when he said that.

Grandpa: You must be curious as to why I call you out here right?

I nod my head, clearly very curious.

Grandpa: Well I have a very happy dream when I was outside and there I realise I have to talk about this soon.

I look at grandpa a bit confused, not really understanding what he is saying.

Axel: What dream?

He smile at me when I ask that, while I look at him for answers.

Grandpa: That is not important. But what is important is my questions.

Questions? What is with grandpa today, it is a bit weird.

But nonetheless I wait for him to ask the questions.

Grandpa: Well, i never come to ask you this. But how as life in Iklu, have you been enjoying it?

I nod my head in a yes, but why is he asking such things all of a sudden.

Axel: I find my family in Iklu, this is the best.

He smile as I said that, but his eyes on something else. He just stare at the sky overhead.

Grandpa: Don't you feel trap in here? Dont you ever wish to go away from Iklu, outside living as you wish?

I shake my head enthusiastically in a no.

Axel: Never!

Tilbe is here, grandpa and Uncle Jo is here. My home is here, why would I wish to be somewhere else?

Grandpa: Axel, my boy. I know that family is important and I also know that Tilbe is very important. But remember your happiness is also important and that you should always put that first or slowly slowly you might grow to hate the family and the little gift that you Cherise and love so much.

Axel: Tilbe being happy and grandpa and Uncle Jo being happy is my happiness, so Iam not worried about anything.

The surity and the confidence in my voice make me proud of myself.

While Grandpa smile again listening to me, but even this time not looking my way.

Grandpa: Axel, do you remember when you were quite younger. I told you once that, the Tama is you should not keep you away from doing the things you love?

I nod my head, I remember it clearly but I also remember it vividly as I disagree with Grandpa even as a young boy.

Grandpa: The Tama will become stronger and stronger the more you hide it, but it's power will become lessee and lesser the more the people know. That is how a Tama works, and that is the only way you can live with it.

I shake my head not agreeing with grandpa again, the price for that is not something I can bet against.

Axel: Many people will have suffered before I can come to that, they should not have to pay the price for my well being.

Grandpa shake his head in disagreement at that.

Grandpa: My boy, human are weird creatures. We don't envy, or love or hate as easy as you think. Sometime the things we thought are love or hate turns out to be just mere nothing at all. And the Tama will know it best, so dont be too afraid of it.

Axel: I still don't have the courage to go out. Like grandpa said people are weird, we can just fall in love or hate someone on the blink of an eye as well.

He sigh as I said that and finally turn my way.

Grandpa: My boy, are you them going to spend your whole life this way. Hidden in this small palace? Axel, I fear that if this continue the place you call home might become something like a prison to you.

I swallowed with a shaky heart as he said that.

I love my home and I love to stay here, but I can't deny that sometimes just sometimes, it did feel like a prison for me. It does feel like a wall that is there just to stop me from going out and away, it seems like a chain to remind me that I can't go out when my impulse nearly got me out.

Axel: Grandpa, I know that. I know that best, but hurting others scares me more. The mere thought of me hurting someone just cause I love them or hate them. Or just because they have something I dont have, is something I can't accept at all. I will rather suffer alone than to suffer all the guilt and trouble that comes with me going out. Cause I will never be able to withstand the pain that way, I will really give up on myself if that happen.

Grandpa look at me with warmth and concern in his eye, with sadness and sympathy in his countenance.

Grandpa: Iam sorry that I can't help you more than this my lovely boy, just know that you are so very precious to me and that you are loved by many great souls.

I smile as he said that, the sincerity and the love in his voice warming up my cold heart.

Grandpa: I love you too grandpa.

He smile and pat my back as I said that.

But soon went back to staring at the sky again.

Grandpa: Iam going to step down from the throne now, officially.

I look at him shocked, why is he stepping down? In Iklu as long as the king live, stepping away from the throne is quite rare.

Axel: Why?

Grandpa: The old man is tired, I want some rest and want to spent all my time leisurely.

I nod at that, although something tells me that, that is not the whole story.

Grandpa: And on that note. Axel, do you want to be king?

I looked at grandpa completely shocked by his questions. What is he talking about.

Axel: What? What? ... Why? I,... king?

Grandpa look at me with his face blank of any emotion.

Grandpa: Why are you so shock? You are a royal Axel, you are the son of the great princess of Iklu? Why can't you be king?

I know that I can infact be a king, but in my mind the throne has always been Tilbe's and I never ever thought of it as mine.

Somehow I never thought that place is for me.

Axel: I just thought the throne will be Tilbe's. She has been training and working for it ever since she was little, so I just though she will be the ruler one day.

In my mind Tilbe has always been the queen and that is the only fact I thought of.

Grandpa: Well I guess than it is time for you to think otherwise. Do you need time to think of it?

I quickly shake my head in a no when he said that. I know the question is quite alarming and frankly very surprising but I know what I want clearly.

Axel: I don't want to be the king.

Grandpa look at me, his expression solemn with me having no idea of what he is thinking of.

Grandpa: Axel, I raise you and Tilbe the same way. Both if you trained to perfect your own abilities, both of you train in administration. The same classes you got, she got it too. Nothing and I mean nothing was done more special for you or her. I never told her that she will be the queen of Iklu one day and that she have to grow up as one, neither did I do that with you because I want you guys to grow up as normal and with no pressure at all.

I know that, I know Tilbe and me train in the same way, but I somehow always thought that I will be helping her when she needs help and nothing more.

Grandpa: And besides you are my grandson as much as Tilbe is my granddaughter, you are a royal as much as she is, you have the right to the throne as much as she have. You are a Vasely as much as you are a Rafa.

I sit there speechless at what he says, not knowing how to react at all. The truthfulness in his voice and voice numbing my heart with all the loving it can get.

Grandpa: And I come and discuss with you first cause you are older than Tilbe and that matter a lot to me. So if you want to be king, then you will have my blessing but we have to discuss with Tilbe of course.

I looked at grandpa with a smile on my face, he do love me as much as he love Tilbe. I really am his family as much as Tilbe is and that is more than enough for me. I don't need anything else.

Axel: Thank you grandpa.