BLAMELESS SORROWS

54. Care and love.

Axel's Point of View.

Axel: But grandpa, I don't want the throne. And it's not because Tilbe is there or anything as such, it is just that I don't want to.

I know for a fact that with the Tama in me, I won't be able to even if I did want to but strangely that inability doesn't seems to be the reason why I don't want that throne.

Grandpa: Then what might be the reason?

I smile as he ask that, cause I know clearly why.

Axel: I want Iklu to be ruled and looked after by someone who truly and really loves it. It will be a true shame if the love that Tilbe have is not used properly for Iklu. And even if I want to, I won't be able to love Iklu as much and as faithfully as she do. So let her be, let her shower it with all the love she have.

Grandpa smile at my words while looking upwards once more.

Grandpa: Why do you think Tilbe love Iklu as much as you think?

I also looked up at the sky this time, my eyes as clear as the sky and my mind seems to be following along.

Axel: The little I know Cherise her sleep more than anything and also is the laziest person I have ever come across in my entire life.

Grandpa chuckle and nod in agreement as I said that.

Axel: But when even the tiniest problem occur that concern Iklu, it don't even take a second or a whine from her part before she is already solving the problems big or small. The distort or the dishonesty of everyone, she can easily ignore and forgive them and even bless them if they are people of Iklu. She can give up everything for Iklu, even her innocence can be concealed when dealing with it. Her small small habits and actions show me that she Cherise and love Iklu with everything she can offer and I quite admire that about her.

Grandpa just look at the sky not saying anything for a while. But he did speak up after a bit of silence.

Grandpa: The child has given too much for Iklu that sometime I hope and wish that she will have a chance to rest now. Be in peace and do whatever she desire. And yet she is only merely an adult.

I looked at grandpa intrigue by what he is saying, as I never thought this was what is on his mind all along.

Grandpa: Don't get me wrong, I love Iklu too. But the throne is quite a beautifull but a lovely chair.No matter how much my people praise and and love me, and no matter how loyal my companions are, at the end of the day you somehow and in someway are alone and do feel lonely.

And a lot of the times, it tends to make you forget about who you are and what you really want in the midst of everything.

The sheer loneliness in his voice as he said that make my heart ache for some reason, its as if his loneliness can be felt exactly as such by me. But I can't seems to understand it like he so cause even as grandpa talk about it this way, his eyes still sparkle with laughter and joy.

Grandpa: If i can have it my way, I won't let both you or Tilbe be a king or a queen. I will rather have you two choose how you want to live and be happy living as such. But one's wish don't always comes true.

Grandpa sigh as he said tht, but I could not speak up even a words. The well thought out words which is spoken with experience is something I dont have the courage or ability to comment on.

Grandpa: But since it can't go the way I wish, let me advice you on reality instead.

Axel, maybe the throne will be yours or maybe it will be Tilbe's. But rather than making it quite distinctive as to whose it is, try your best to call it ours. Remember a throne can never belong to someone alone, it has to be made by many to named it as someones. So please stay by your little gift side all the time so that she won't feel as lonely. Scold her when needed, guide her when she went astray, support her when she need it, advice her as she is uncertain, and be with her so that the childish innocent she have can never be gone.

I nod my head as grandpa said that while I promise in my heart and in words.

Axel: I promise grandpa, I will always looked after her and myself and will forever do my best to protect us.

And I know I mean what I said with all my heart when I said it. The small prayer I say for us to be able to do so act as a proof.

Grandpa: Iam relived that I have someone like you to be called as my grandson. Make sure to take care of yourself and your little gifts.

Axel: I have many more growing up to dp and beside Tilbe is still just a kid, so grandpa don't only think of retirement and please take care of us for a long long time, until we are ready to call ourself adults.

I mean becoming and adult and accepting yourself and your life as an adult's is a whole two different thing and Iam definitely not ready yet to call myself an adult or to bear the responsibility of it.

Grandpa: Don't worry about it my boy, believe me when I said Iam living for that alone these days.

I smile as grandpa said so while he smile back at me the same way.

And there I thought, Iam really quite the luckiest to have met someone like grandpa who love and care for someone like me.

Grandpa: But Tilbe health is worrying me a bit too much, you see I don't want to outlive any one of my grandchildren as well. It will be too sad for me to bear the pain then.

Now that I think about it, it must be unbearably painful to see the death of both his children. May that be Tilbe's father or my mom.

Loosing a parents is hard enough as it is, but in your life seeing your child die in front of you is no less different.

Axel: We will make sure we outlive you grandpa. I will make sure that Tilbe will always be healthy despite her weak statute and of course I will take good care of myself as well.

He smile at me as I said that.

Grandpa: Make sure of it, even if someday I have to go first, I will make sure I see you two from above and will monitor with how you guys are keeping up with your words.

I chuckle as grandpa said that while he looked at me completely serious in what he is saying.

Axel: Old man, please monitor us here in person for a long long time and don't even think of such things yet. Besides here you can nag and punish us personally if something happen and I don't keep my words any more.

Grandpa look at the sky once more but this time his expression seems solemn and someone longing.

Grandpa: I will just tell Tilbe the same thing, that way she will look after you and nag you whenever needed while you do the same to her. That way Iam free of everything.

Axel: I always wonder where Tilbe got her laziness and cheekiness from, but I guess I know now.

Grandpa look at me with disapproving look while I look at him a bit taken aback. No matter how long and how many times I have seen it, the similarity in Tilbe and him always and I mean always amaze me. The way they express with their facial expression, they do it in exact same manner.

Grandpa: You look a lot like your grandpa too actually.

I look at grandpa completely intrigue and interested. We hardly ever talk about grandma cause grandpa get too emotional and we dont want to stress him out with such too often, I suppose.

Grandpa: The gentleness in the way you talk, the small wrinkles in your eye as laugh about and how your eye literally light up with every good news you heard. All the suspicious and poutful looks, you really do are alike.

I smile as he said that while he do too and stand up after a while.

Grandpa: Iam not the only one who can literally feel Tilbe curiousity even with the door closed right?

I shake my head as he said that.

Ax: I can even see gee through the door, I bet she will literally be one with the door if we take any longer.

He chuckle with me as I said that as we walk out together with Grandpa hand on my shoulder patting it lightly.

I open the door and true to our suspicion, Tilbe rush in as the door open suddenly with Uncle Jo barely catching hee from flying forwards.

Grandpa: Tilbe, I closed the door for a reason. And Jo? You too?

Uncle Jo just shrug and quickly look down, a bit flush by how they are caught.

Tilbe: Well you know this will happen since you close the door, so why are you two acting surprised?

Wow, talk about confidence. They were the one caught red handed eavesdropping and yet the fault seems to be ours in getting them caught?

Ax: So by literally hanging at the door, do you hear anything?

She pout regretfully as I said that making me chuckle looking at her.

Tilbe: Nop, not even a pinch. What did you guys do, whisper?

That make grandpa chuckle.

Grandpa: The wall are make thick and door sturdy for a reason little one.

She pfft as he said that.

Grandpa: Well, I think we have to make the door a bit sturdier if Jo has to hang on it too.

Grandpa and me look at uncle Jo, with a teasing look in our eye while Tilbe do too.

Uncle: Hey, it was just a one time. Tilbe was just too curious that I somehow just want to know too. She rub off her curiousity on me, yes thats it.

Tilbe tch as he said that.

Tilbe: You traitor, you said we can probably hear whatever they are talking about if we listen through the door.

We raise our eyes and look at Uncle Jo while he just shrug in nonchalance but his flushed face seems to say otherwise.

Tilbe: Now please tell me what you talk about. The curiousity is killing me!