BLAMELESS SORROWS

66.Gloom yet not.

Axel's Point of View.

Grandpa has been getting weaker and weaker by the day, while my heart dropped each day as well.

At first I couldn't believe what he told me and just don't know how to react or what do to. I just went blank and know of nothing.

A week or so passed as such, with the busy schedule of the coronation and all of us moving here and there making arrangements for it.

I though the busy days will take my mind off of the things even though it will be just for a while but that was just my wishful thinking. Ad I can't work at nothing at all rather then works distracting me from my mind.

I have been so gloomy while Tilbe and Uncle Jo has been quite busy in their work and now in taking care of grandpa as well.

Grandpa is not exactly sick but he just suddenly gets weaker and weaker and he just blame it to old age and seems to mind it as nothing, but both him and me knows better than that.

Vann have come to check him out once on Tilbe's insistence which even grandpa couldn't deny, but the result to his treatment is that grandpa is not sick and that evrything is alright. And I realise it too was just time running out.

As I was mulling about my thoughts, Tilbe and grandpa come in from their walka and Tilbe help grandpa seat down by the living room while I went to them as well and seat too.

Tilbe: Are you tired grandpa?

Grandpa shake his head in a no, but Tilbe look at him not at all believing him. Well his shortness in breath this give him away a bit.

Tilbe(mumbling) : We should have come back a little earlier, me and my thoughtlessness.

She mumble and sigh to herself while we just look at her not saying anything.

These past few days Tilbe have become so so clingy and grumpy as well.Since Vann came and said nothing was wrong with Grandpa, she was a little relief.

But even after than when she feel grandpa health deteriorating, she start to panic and by one way or other just stay with him all the time. Either it may be at eating or walking or working, she is always by his side. She is like sticked to grandpa at this rate.

Little gift worries ha sky rocketed but she tried to calm herself as much as she can, and we are leaving her be cause we can do nothing about it even if we want to help. And if we were to comfort her, lying will be the only choice.

And besides Iam not strong enough to comfort someone now, I need to ready myself first before I went to her so that we won't fall together to the pit which seems so dark and hollow.

Tilbe: Grandpa, it's a bit cold isn't it?

Grandpa nod a bit, the wind had really become chilly by now. As in Iklu, winter is very very cold.

Tilbe: Then let me make the fire while be seated here at the mean time, I will call you when Iam done.

Grandpa nod as little gift said that.

Tilbe: Grandpa don't move about and stay alright? You need as much rest as possible.

Grandpa nod again in a yes while Tilbe still does not look convinced.

Tilbe: Ax, can you please look after grandpa for me so that he won't move about?

I nod at her this time.

Axel: Count it as done.

Grandpa ( offended ): Hey children, you guys are the children here, not the other way round.

Tilbe does not give a heed at what grandpa says and went away towards the kitchen to make the fire.

Actually it is evening by now, so; much more cold.

Grandpa: It is not like I have anywhere to go anyway. That child has become a bit too paranoid making me worried.

Grandpa sigh as he said that.

Axel: Grandpa, can you not do something about it and just stay with us.

I sound pathetic even to myself but I don't really care, if me pathetic can help in anything then so be it.

Grandpa: My boy, no one control live and death. If I do, then I will never ever leave. You know that right?

I nod as he said that, tears already at the tip of my eye.

Grandpa: Don't cry little boy, death is not something to be this sad and feared about. I have done everything I need to do here, so Iam quite happy. Iam just going back home my home and I will be guiding all of you guys from there.

I just stay quite, afraid I will burst into tears like a little kid if I said anything.

Just then Tilbe come out making me gulp in every little sad emotion I have gather and tried my best to show my face as blank as possible.

Tilbe: What are you guys talking about? Anyway let's talks by the kitchen, it is cold here.

Grandpa and me both nod at that and stand up.

We went in the kitchen and seat by the fireplace. Grandpa by his rocking chair while we settle in our own, the fire warming us up instantly.

While we were seating as such, grandpa look out at the huge window making me do so too.

The weather is quite gloomy today, the wind quite strong and seems angered. All the leafs of the tree sways here and there violently, while the dried leaf by the ground fly from here and there carried by the hurried wind.

It seems the weather is imitating the deepest emotion of our heart which we are too afraid to show.

Grandpa: Ahh today is really cold but somehow I love the day.

I look up at grandpa, my eye must have been bloodshot red from trying to hold back my tears.

Tilbe: How come? I don't like it, it make me sad somehow when the weather is like this.

Grandpa smile looking at the window still.

Grandpa: It has its beauty believe me. I still remember when we were much much younger, all of us running around happily even though we were shivering in cold. We play around the yard all cold in the dusty dirt as if that is the last of our time. We don't have the time to stay inside the warmness of our house, it seems to us that the cold outside is much more warmer somehow.

Tilbe and me both look at grandpa curiously as he explain with nostalgic expression in his face.

Grandpa: Friendship was so sweet back then. All we have to play with was a racked ball and some stones and sticks, but that were so much more precious than gold itself to us.

It really is amazing how a relationship can make people realise a moment as so precious when we seems to be doing nothing special in it.

Grandpa: Besides when evening set in and we become a bit hungry, we will just went to one of our farm and then eat the many many sugarcane grown there. We will eat till our heart contend and then once again went ahead to play around.

We smile as he said that, grandpa will always says he miss his childhood whenever he see a sugarcane farm, and I guess he remember such memory when he look at it.

Tilbe: What do you guys play?

Grandpa: Lets see, we play a game called 1 2 3 ball?

Tilbe tilt her head in curiosity.

Tilbe: What is that?

Grandpa: Well it is a game where one team will stand at the north and south of the ground and the other team will run between them while they will try to throw at them with a ball. And if they could throw them with a ball, then the opposing team in our. But if the team which run can count till 1000 or 500 or whatever they decide on, without being thrown by the ball, then they win and will run again.

Tilbe smile at that.

Tilbe: That seems quite fun, when grandpa gain a bit of your strength. We should play as well, we will be one team while Uncle Jo and Ax will be one.

Grandpa look at Tilbe a bit uneasy as she said that while I think to myself, I don't think we will ever see that day, and that make my heart break.

Grandpa: I don't think we have a chance to win against them little one. The game really need strength and let admit it, strength is not really our forte.

Tilbe nod tentatively at that which make grandpa to smile lovingly at her and pat her head softly with all the love he could gather, Iam sure.

Grandpa: Well I do know another game which we have a fair chance of winning and we can play inside, right about now.

Tilbe look at him completely interested and excited.

Grandpa: But for that we need small small stone, about hundred or two hundred of them.

And yes because of that suggestion, we are right here outside in such a cold weather searching for small small stones like grandpa had ask for. Actually we did pretty well on searching and have got quite a bit.

Axel: Little gift, I think we have enough now.

She nod as I said that but still continue searching anyway.

Axel: Tilbe, by that I mean we should went inside cause my hand will call in coldness at this rate.

She look up at me as I said that, her mood all gloomy and sad, completely freaking me out.

Axel: Hey, hey, what's wrong? What happen?

She look up at me sadly as I said that and sit by the down her knees on her chest, and arms hugging herself. While I also went and seat mimicking her.

Tilbe: Ax, what is the matter with grandpa? Why is grandpa getting weaker each day when Vann says he is alright? Maybe we should consult other doctor? Or let Vann come once more, maybe he miss something the last time.

I pat her head softly as she talk away in fear and anxiety.

Axel: Nothing is wrong with grandpa Little gift, he is just getting a bit older and weaker because of it. But if we can help with anything, then of course we will do it. May that be in keeping him company or doing things for him or calling a doctor for him alright? Don't worry about it, nothing will happen.

I hug her sideways as I kiss her forehead softly while she just lean on me, get expression still fearfull.

Axel: Now let's go in, it is cold out.Yoh might get sick and besides grandpa must be waiting for us eagerly.

She nod and with that we went in again, and that day we did play away. Uncle Jo and me as a team while grandpa and Tilbe in one.

And although who win the game is still a controversy, that day as we play the childish happiness and the familiar nostalgic joy that I see in grandpa's eye and the familiar competitiveness he have with every throw of a stone while having a genuine desire to win such a priceless yet precious game make me realise that, we have gave grandpa one of the greatest gift we can to make him revisit his childhood days.

And although that day was quite gloomy starting from the weather to our heart, the angry wind and the whirl of noise it make was beat away by our laughter and the beautiful music the stone make as we throw it up and catch it again, playing the game giving all our effort and wants to win. And I know I will remember that day as a happy day.