The Rogue Alpha's Bastard

Fear, Panic and a Chance

    I woke up, looking outside the sun had just started to peak over the forest. Then it hit me…Where am I? Oh no! I am in the Alpha’s room! I looked around and heard snoring from the couches. There he was, Zane, sleeping not so quietly. Goddess he’s loud.

     I snap to reality and realize IT’S ALMOST BREAKFAST! I jump up out of bed holding in my winces of pain. I do not to wake up Zane, just the thought of being in this room is making me nervous. I slowly make my way downstairs staggering to the kitchen. I freeze seeing Rachel standing in the kitchen she turns smirking at me.

     Within a second, I start having flash backs to the night they attacked me. It’s like the night was happening right in front of me all over again; I start hyperventilating. My vision blurs and I am unable to move. The fear building! I feel nauseous and panicked. They only thought in my head “I can’t… No!” plays repeatedly. I stumble back towards the wall when suddenly someone grabs me!

---

     I blink awake feeling the soft touch of Zane’s bed. What? How did I get here? I slowly take stock of what happened when Zane speaks up.

    “Roxara what were you thinking?! Why were you up, moving around?! You can’t be doing that! ”

    His loud booming voice terrifies me and I start to cry. Zane is quick to rush to my side of the bed.

    “Oh goddess… uh don’t cry! I’m sorry! I was just so worried about your safety”

    “why…?”

    “What do you mean why?”

    “Why do you care?”

    “You’re my mate!”

    “But, but you haven’t even told me that you want to be mates… You barely acknowledged me when we met!”

    “I know and I regret not saying anything sooner, but that’s why I made the dance a masquerade! For you and me to meet without judgment” he said with a sweet smile

    “So... you’re ashamed of me? You didn’t want to be seen with me?”

    “What?! No that’s not what I meant! I was conflicted about what to do... A-a-and- But then you got hurt and… Baby you died! You had to be brought back! when I saw you there on the ground, I knew I didn’t care!”

    “So what? To want me, I had to die?”

    I tear up at the notion that my mate could only figure out he wanted me after I died. Zane didn’t respond he just look at the ground in silence. The room was heavy but a knock at the door caught our attention. The door opened and Mary was there with two plates of food. She gave them to Zane and I asking me if I was okay.

    “You seemed so panicked in the kitchen… I was just coming back from grabbing more food. Me and Racheal were cooking for the pack when you showed up. I put my hand on your shoulder and you fainted! Luckily, I caught you, so you didn’t hurt yourself more.”

    “Oh, I am so sorry Luna! I didn’t mean to cause any issues! I’m sure I can be ready to cook for lunch.”

    “No, honey you misunderstand you don’t have too anymore. You’re hurt you need rest! Zane has already made arrangements and you won’t have to be the sole caretaker of the pack house any longer.”

     I stared down at my food but can’t get myself to eat it. I bated the food on my plate, then pushed it away. I am in too much pain to eat… So I just sat there in contemplation. Zane spoke and broke my train of thought.

    “Roxara please… let me prove to you-… I want to earn your trust and your Mateship. Roxara please, I want you! I don’t want to lose you again...” He trailed off and I saw tears forming in the corners of his eyes.

    Rocks pleaded ‘why are you hurting mate stop! He cares, can’t you see mate cares!’

    I reached out to wipe the tears from his face, giving him a small side smile. The Mate Bond was stronger between us than I thought it would be. I want him with every fiber of my being!  But, I don’t know how much more I can take. This was never how I thought being with my mate would come to be.

    I looked at him and spoke through my pain “I’m, I’m just so tired! Tired of the pain! Tired of abuse! Tired of being scared... I don’t know if I ca-”

    “Shh, please? I can see the pain in your eyes… I know of the abuse you’ve suffered. I wouldn’t never do anything to hurt you. Please give us a chance that’s all I ask is a chance… I promise to protect you and help heal you. I know you’re strong, I know you can anything; I see it just looking in your eyes.”

    Zane looked at me desperate. I couldn’t deny to myself that all I wanted to do was jump into his arms and be with him.  I am so tired though… I haven’t stop feeling this fear since I woke up. Am I even strong enough to be a Luna the pack deserves? I guess this could just be my insecurities, but I feel something deep within me…something’s wrong. After a minute I gave him my answer.

    “Zane... I’ll give us a chance... please just, let’s take it slow. I can’t take much more pain of anything right now”

    Zane didn’t even reply he was so happy. He hopped on the bed and hugged me as tight as he could. My heart fluttered at his touch and I wanted more.. Feeling a little better I take a few bites of food. Zane tries to get me to eat more I can’t stomach too much. Me and Zane hold each other in a silence. His grasp is so calming I fall sleep once again.

-----

    I wake up again and Zane’s not in the room. I look around and I am alone. All I can think about is how pretty this room is! I didn’t really have a chance to look around. I have never had such beautiful things around me... Well thing that I wasn’t cleaning. You know who would love all this is DANNY.

     I try to mind link him, but my head throbs at the attempt. I must still be healing? More than I thought would be. I continue to try and bam I got a loud ‘DANNY COME QUICK’ through to him. A moment later I heard what sounds like a hoard of footsteps coming to the door. Danny and Zane burst through the door! I sit there embarrassed…It seemed I caused such a ruckus.

    “Where’s the fire guys?” I smile sheepishly

    “WHAT?! WHERES THE FIRE?! You mind linked me come quick!”

    “Oh, heh, yea, it hurt too much I couldn’t send the rest of come quick, I want to show this room...”

    They both gave a huge sigh, I blush embarrassed. They walk over to me Zane sits on a chair he put next to the bed and Danny hops on the bed cross legged.

    “Why did you want me to see the room Roxy?”

    “Well, look at it it’s so pretty and look there is even a private bathroom… And a balcony!”

    “Haha, thats what you wanted to show me? A lot of the rooms have that”

    “Oh, yea I forget most people don’t have to share a small room with just a bed and an old T.V…”

    Zane laughs at me “Haha, you’re cute, this is your room now too so enjoy all of it! Actually, while we are on the subject. The doctor said to speed up the healing process we need to take you for short walks to get the blood pumping”

    “Oh okay!”

    “So, let's start small and go get the stuff from your room. We’ll carry everything up, no helping!”

    Danny and I look at each and mind link ‘He doesn’t realize you have nothing’

    ‘No… he doesn’t, I guess he’ll learn soon enough... Goddess this will be embarrassing’

    Danny shakes his head at me and chuckles. Zane looks confused at us but shakes it off and offers me a hand. Danny jumps off the bed and offers me his too. I take both their hands, with a wince I stand up. I stumble for a moment, but Zane steadies me in his arms. With help I walk to my room.