Apparition

Chapter # 20

What you thought is rain, it my tears. Falling, as my dreams shattered but somehow their fragments become yours…

My eyes flutter opened, I tried to catch my  breath which stopped at the moment. My mind cannot fathom what exactly happened. My heart felt feeble as if I am at the verge of dying. A ravage wreck in my mind which is taking my senses away from me, leaving me breathless and a mess of terror. I sat up but a sudden intense pain shot through my very core. But the pain subdued soon and I felt like I had been awake from a horrible nightmare. Sweat formed over my forehead as my hairs stick to my head, my breath is stopped in my throat. My heart is skipping countless beats. Extreme consternation, scared me to no extent. I cannot make what's in my surrounding. My head throbbed in pain. I was about to lose my senses but something inside me didn't let me to fall into a deep slumber again.

 I winced in pain and looked around in dread, thinking that I am still in those lethal nightmares which are to scary that the thought of being there ever again give chills of my bones and submerged me in the deepest depth of fright filled with his menacingly beautiful apparitions. I looked around to see whether I am not here again because I am horrified to think about what he will do to me now. I am repulsed by those apparitions and I don't have enough strength to face it again. The aversion I have in my heart for him is inexplicable and the thought that he looked at me with that passionate consolation made me dis-lerish. 

My vision finally became cleared up as I can see that I am not in that cold metallic prison filled with eerie feelings that made me give up on life anymore. Rather I am in the soft mattress and in my room. An involuntary smile was formed on my face. that I am back filled me as the tears of exhilaration pricked in the corner of my eyes and rolled onto my cheeks. Tears streamed down my face when I found myself in my room. My heart was put at serene instantly. A sobs of relief escaped my lips. I am alive, here in my body. In my world, not in some nightmare realm but in my world. I cried in happiness as equanimity rushed in me.

But this sweet pacification was obliterated the instant I realized what happened back here and I looked at my chest. My eyes widened in horror as I had no wound on my chest. I put my hand at my chest, trying to apprehend what exactly happened, how come there is no wound, how I am still alive. Is this some kind of illusion or I am still in my home? My shaky form tried to get out of the bed as I fell on the ground. 

“Mary, Don’t move.” Jenifer's worrisome came and she hugged me. Tears brimmed in my eyes as I hugged her.

“Jenifer..” I cried holding her close. I lost hopes of seeing her again. I felt so happy to see her again. 

“Oh God, I am so glad to see you awake Mary… It’s been a week.” She cried. My eyes widened in horror when I heard it. It’s been more that a bloody week since I have been living in that hell. Then I remembered him saying that he is the one who controls time there. But is was terrorizing just to even think about it.

“How are you… and your scars?” Jenifer asked hesitantly, pulling away and making me sit on the bed again. Perplexed by her words. She pointed at my feet and I looked at that my ankle is twisted. My eyes widened in horror when I saw it. Distress filled me up. To say I am afraid would be an understatement. I gulped and looked at myself and saw that I have scars over my body, the scars of the shard of glass pricking my body.

I began to tremble violently, not understanding what exactly happened to me. My breath hitched, I lifted my petticoat and saw no wound on my stomach. All the scars he gave me were not there but the affliction I gave to myself is present on my body.

Unfathomable fears filled me, distraught with anxiety, I crawled back as my back hit the bed stamp. I hugged my knees close to my chest, shuddering endlessly. I loop of destruction playing in my mind and giving me immense dread. 

“Mary..” Jenifer called me softly, she was about to touch me but I yanked her hand away. Shivering ferociously, I kept looking here and there frantically. 

“Wh- What happened a-after I l-left the l-library?” I asked in an unstable low tone.

“You didn’t come back, we thought you would never come back and after a week, you were lying at the entrance of the mansion in this condition. You also have a scar over your back as if a wild attacked you. And after another week you woke up.” She explained. I wasn't able to understand what exactly happened. I was just shaking like crazy while losing my senses.  

“Mary.. What exactly happened?” Jenifer asked again. My lunatic form looked at her with tears gleaming down my face. I curled my toes as my hands and feet turned ice. My lips began to quiver and I began to say in a faint insane tone, leaning in while pointing my finger in the backward direction.

“Can you hear these voices? These low vehement whispers echoing in the empty halls, stirring my mind in temptation, while grasping my heart in his possession.” 

Jenifer just raised an eyebrow at me not understanding anything.

“What are you talking about, Mary?” She asked.

“His voice… can you hear it? He is calling me, he is seducing me, my soul is his..” I whispered, smiling insanely. I covered my face with my hands and continued,

“He will come back. He will take me again. I cannot run away from him.” I said, burying my face in my hand. As a silence fell upon us for a while. I could feel that gaze of Jenifer upon me which somehow made me angry, I don't any look of compassion from anyone. It  is killing me, I hate that look of fondness.

“Leave… Please…” I begged letting out silent tears with this unbearable feeling taking over me. Jenifer knew I am not in the condition to receive any consolation and it would be better if she leaves me alone and she did. I sensed her leaving. 

When she left, I remained like that, crying my heart out, letting the stinging sensation of pain fill me up and break me apart. Because what’s done is done and there’s no liberation for me. He will kill me in a painfully slow manner, clenching my heart and bursting it. 

“What have you done, Mary?” A voice echoed in the room and I knew it was Jessica.

“I saved them.” I replied in my shaky voice. A harsh wave of wind came and I saw her standing in front of me with that sympathetic look. She looked at me with her angelic feature in pity and tilt her head, looking fascinating as always.

“Why?” She asked sadly.

“I.. I.. He just..” I couldn’t be able to speak anything other than a sob.

“Why did he kill me but saved you?” She asked. My eyes widened in horror when I heard it. I was left flabbergast as vexation rushed in my every vein. 

“W-What do you m-mean?” I asked afraid.

“Your body is still alive. You came back from his world. What exactly he want from you?” She asked with her voice becoming faint by each word she spoke. Her words threw in an endless pit of turmoils as I was left with the incapability to answer.

“You are retained to be his.” She said petrified, moving back.

“Your mother said the same.” I said in a croaked voice while hiding my face in my knees.

“He took her away. He took every harm away from you. He is saving you… What did you do, Mary?” Jessica asked tentatively, looking here and there, still moving away from me.

“What are you to him?” She was getting horrified by each passing second.

“What are you talking about?” I looked at her with my tears glistened back, crumbling apart with my heart getting heavy.

“You are not an offering… You are not a victim… Who are you?” Jessica asked. Her words are darkening my world more, I am already scared of his compassion and now these scary word of hers are crushing me more.

“What should I do?” I asked in a broken voice.

“You are his..” She breathed out and left. 

Leaving me staggered. But the last sentence she spoke took away my sanity. I was left nowhere, burning in a fiery fire of misery. I devoid filled my soul as I could feel my existence being vanished. My heart left in search for liberation and the points to torture reached their extreme. My life is faltering, all colors are fading. I cannot find my path of hope, I was left astray. There’s no redemption left for me anymore and I could hear the songs of defeat echoing in my mind and I lost my awareness.

I am the sea and he is the shore.I never want to go to him but all my paths reach to him.