reality is sometimes sad

The memories

I'm on the third floor of our house, taking a break from my social life on my balcony, I was drinking my black coffee when I fell into my deepest or should I say old memory when I was in 10th grade

I liked the newly graduate professor that was teaching in our really holy catholic school the first time that she stepped inside our room at that time.

She was pretty, too naive for me, baby face and 5 feet, 1 inch.

Still, now, I remember every inch of her, i don't know why.

Does she still remember me?

I didn't know that at that time that I like her because I was a horny teenage kid. Just teenage hormones when i see pretty people.

The way she looked at me when I just stared at her with my two eyebrows that are joining because of confusion, yes, that was my impression of her. Just confused.

And then she looked at me and smile that made me smirk...

*I'm supposed to write this in aklanon but i think no one could understand it because ya'll are tagalog speaking.¯_(ツ)_/¯. *

....

"Pre, si sir warren m******s! puta!" bulong ni kierra sa 'kin, talaga namang m******s ang lalakeng 'yon, nakita ko kasi na habang nagkaklase kami sa physical education ay sinisilipan niya si angela, ang magandang babae na kaklase namin.

"Oh eh ano naman ngayon?" Tanong ni Mara.

"May chismis ka?" si Deven naman ang nagsalita habang inaayos niya ang kanyang kuko at ginamit pa talaga ang correction pen ko, hinablot ko ito bigla sakanya at pinandilatan siya tsaka naman niya ako nginitian nang nakakaloko.

"Tangina! Binili 'to ni mama, bumili ka nang iyo oy!"

"Mura lang naman yan, akin na, bilhan nalang kita ng bago."

"Ayoko! binili nga 'to ni mama! tangnang 'to!" tiningnan niya ako na parang gulat na gulat sa narinig. Feeling hindi sanay na makarinig na nagmumura ako.

"Oh ano?" parang galit siyang tiningnan ako at hiniram naman ang correction pen ni Hessi na katabi niya.

"Oy, si sir kako manyakis." bulong uli ni kierra. Binigyan ko siya nang tingin na walang pake. Umupo siya sa kanan ko habang si deven naman ay nasa kaliwa ko, sa harap ko naman ay ang mga barkada naming matatalino samantalang kami na mga walang ginagawa naman ay dito sa likod at nagtatago.

"Alam ko na 'yan! Gusto mo bang pagkaibiganin ko kayong dalawa? Ha? Isa pang sabi ng manyak at ikakantog ko na talaga ulo mo." Binigyan niya lang ako nang batok sa ulo at tumawa.

"Ano ba puta?!" naman! 'yong buhok ko.

"Sorry hehehe" dinampi niya ang kaniyang labi sa kanan kong mukha, nginitian ko ulit siya at yinakap. Ganito ako ka pacute o tanga.

Habang nagyayakapan kami ni kierra ay may bumukas nang pinto at huminto lahat ang mga bubuyog na bulong nang bulong sa tabi ko, kulang nalang maging ipis sa kaka bulong,

Huminto ang lahat at napatingin sa pinto pero ako at si kierra ay nagyayakapan lang ng may sinabi siya sa 'kin, "Pre, lingon ka, puta ang ganda."

"Bakit? Sino ba yan? siguraduhin mo lang na maga-" pag lingon ko naman na nakakunot ang aking nuo ay tiningnan ko kung maganda ba talaga,

Sakto namang tumama naman sa 'kin ang kaniyang tingin, naglalakad siya papunta sa harap nang pisara at kumalas ako bigla kay kierra para tingnan siya nang maigi.

"Bro, tirahin natin?" tanong ni drake na nasa likod ko, hindi ko pa pala nasasabi na ang mga lalake na barkada namin ay nasa likod namin.

"Dre, pag napaiyak mo 'yan bigyan kita ng payb handred," sabi ni jasen na parang gamit lang ang tinutukoy nito.

"Bigay ko na sayo lahat ng baon ng mama ko ng isang linggo." dagdag pa niya, napaisip ako don bigla sa sinabi niya.

Bibigyan niya ako nang pera. Limang daan at kasama na rin ang baon niya. Aba't magaling!

kung sa bagay nga naman, luto ni tita lea 'yon hindi ko matatanggihan lalo't na may gusto akong bilhin ngayon.

"Gagong 'to! Gusto mo bang maulit ang tawagin ulit tayo lahat sa guidance?" pasimpleng pagalit na bulong ni kierra para hindi marinig ng guro na nasa harap.

"Seah gusto mo?" rinig kong sabi ni devie o si deven.

"Si mara pre! Baka umoo siya?" bulong ni jasen kay drake na nangungumbinsi na tanungin si mara. Si drake naman ay isang sakit sa ulo ng kaniyang mga magulang.

kung hindi lang stockholder ang nanay at tatay nito ay wala na siya rito sa school.

"Ako, payag ako." huminto sila lahat sa pakikipag pustahan at tiningnan ako kung nagpapatawa ba ako.

"Sigurado ka ba? Kase-" sabi ni drake. "Oo nga. Ano ba ang gagawin ko?" tanong ko sakaniya.

Nagtinginan sila lahat at sabay sabay na tumango na parang nagkaintindihan sa iniisip,

"Papaiyakin mo lang naman siya at bibigyan kita ng ten thousand galing sa banko, sama-sama na 'yan, si deven, jasen, kierra, mara, Seah, hanna at liccius. Susuportahan ka lang namin. Basta ba't huwag kang mag sasabi ng pangalan kung sino ang involve ha? Ang nakasanayan ng lahat, keep your mouth close and seal it."

Linista ni deven ang mga kinakailangan kong gawin sa papel na maliit gamit ang ballpen niyang g-tech. Ang panguna ay kailangan ko siyang pagalitin, pangalawa kailangan ko siyang paiyakin ng isang beses sa loob ng school year.

Paano ko ba papagalitin ang teacher na 'to eh parang anghel? mukha ngang hindi makabasag pinggan sa pag galaw.

Nag aalangan pa sana ako kaso ang tingin nila lahat sa 'kin ay parang mga matatanda na hinding-hindi ka makatanggi kapag ano man ang hilingin sa 'yo.

"Dalawa lang naman pala 'to. Ihanda niyo na pera niyo. Madali lang naman pala, bigyan mo 'ko ten thousand fresh from the bank, yung malutong." sagot ko lamang na parang nagpapatawa.

"I can do this within three months give me time to think kung ano ang kahinaan niya." Seryosong saad ko habang napapatingin sa harap nang pisara para tingnan ang bawat galaw nang babae.

"'Yan naman pala!"

"Tangena ma geleng na bata!"

"Support."

Inilagay ko ang nilista ni deven sa napakaliit na zipper ng bag ko, tumingin ako sa harap nang matapos na ang usapan namin.

Ba't ang ganda niya at ako eto parang ewan.

Pinagmasdan ko lang siya nang tumama ang kaniyang tingin sa akin, nginisian ko lang ito at tinitigan pa siya ng mabuti kung ano ang magiging reaksyon niya. "Seb, dahan-dahan lang. Baka mamaya ay ma guidance ka."

"Anong pinagsasabi mo?" kumunot ang noo ko at pabalik balik ang kaniyang tingin sa akin at sa teacher na nasa pisara. "Eh kakainin mo yata siya ng buhay."

"Ano ka ba? Tinitingnan lang eh." napatawa na lang ako sa sinabi niya.

"Sige, basta wag mong uulitin ang nangyare ha?"

........

What is she doing at this hour? It should be morning there. Teaching? If she knew that I was crushing on her my teenage years, probably she would laugh at me now, and I would be so awkward as f**k. Gosh! I just unlocked my old memory that should be forgotten.

She could be 27 by now. I don't recall her birthdate but, I know that she was 20 when she got to our school and she turned 21 when she was teaching in August, I remember that of course, I had to.

"Excuse me miss, but your father would like to see you in the dining hall with your mother." someone with a gentle voice said behind my back yet scared the f**k out of me.

"Ah!" I was surprised so I shouted that made her shout too perhaps I was dozing off still trying to recognize my memory that I forgot the helper was already inside.

"Your father and mother wanted to see you downstairs," she said again.

"Yea, Uhm, can you get rid of these things for me?" I stood up and cleaned my hands, the maid that's inside my room now is cleaning up the utensils; the food tray, that I brought here upstairs.

Gosh, my mom's maid or something scares the s**t out of me sometimes, but she could be useful. She's my companion, waiel is her name.

"Will it be quick? What are they talking about?" I asked her.

"I wasn't being watchful to their con-" she felt sorry and it was not even her fault. She wasn't eavesdropping so it's good, I stopped her mid-sentence. "No need to be sorry I'll go down and thank you for cleaning up the mess." I smiled politely and open the door.

I walked to the staircase, something inside me felt that somebody was behind so I looked above to see my sister samara walking down the stairs also, too occupied looking at her phone all the time,

She's got this ashy hair and, a really pale skin—she probably hasn't seen the sun for a while,

"What do our parents want this time?" I gaze at her and she just lifted her shoulders not answering. "What is that?" I ask her again.

"Can you stop?" She said annoyed with her raised right brow, possibly she's irritated by my face. She's my big sister. Samara Hernandez.

She's 27, she does not have a boyfriend because boys couldn't keep up with her standards that are always on the top. She, once told me that she needs a man, not a child.

My friend, Daniel, wanted to court her but ended up crying. "Why did they ask us to come down nga? I'm just asking lang naman?" I said pouting pestering her. I know she can't resist me.

"My god seven! I don't know either so stop bothering me. Geez." Then she suddenly walks past me and then she first, entered our kitchen. I saw my dad sitting on a gold chair and my mom on his right side while kuya Sid is on his left. They look tense.

Ate samara sat down on mom's side while I, took a turn toward dad to kiss his cheek and sat down beside kuya Sid. "Dad? Is there a problem? Why did you ask for me- I mean us?" I ask confused, kuya knows because of his facial expression that can't be read. I smell crisis.

"My business is failing.."

"What?!" My sister turned off her phone and looked at us, now she's serious. Mom then explained to us while my brother is still lost in his thoughts.

I expected something not more serious but, his business? How? Dad's business is always on the news for being good in sales.

"So what now dad?" Ate samara asked. "We will be going back to the Philippines for business matters and i need you, us, our family there. Just for two months."

"And why is there a 'We' dad?" Oh gosh. Don't tell me that I and ate are also leaving? before i can react and complain about it ate samara is already complaining.

"Dad! You can go naman without us. I can't leave my friends and my lifestyle. My business also a dad." Before my sister burst all out her anger mom already held her hand and calmed her down.

"Samara your brother will also get married to his girlfriend, we need to be there because ikakasal sila doon, her parents can't pay to visit and also her whole family na magpakasal dito sa L.A, its just two months. You can survive that seven right?" dad asked. I slowly nod at him and slight smile, not even sure if that was a smile...

"Samara?" mom asks still hoping she would come. She unleashed a sigh before answering a 'yes. Why is kuya still anxious?

"Kuya? Are you okay?" i muttered.

"Oo naman, i was thinking about the business."

"Then it is settled," Dad said. "Samara and Sid you'll be going with me," He looked at me after and said that "And you young lady will be with your mom." He handed us our Passport and other documents. There's no problem for me to go back to our old house but i think ate will be frustrated.

Dad eyed me and then let out his worried look, like I'll be doing something that they won't like there. Pft. "Dad I'll be fine, as long as I'm not bored in the house." i took a glance at my sister as she was smirking. b***h.

"Mommy, when are we going back?" i gave her my sweetest smile, mom's favorite's me. "Next week. You will stay with me okay? Your dad will be in the town while the two of us will go back to our old house."

"Mamí? Old house? Haven't you demolished that house yet? That house is so small we can't live in that house again."

'That house will be the death of me. It'll bring back memories that are already in the grave. Cockroaches might be living there and other bugs, fuck.' I murmured still ranting.

"We remodeled it 4 months ago. Kaya next week, you should get ready na seven, your luggage will be 2 days advance so that kapag umuwi na tayo wala nang baggage." Four months ago? Did they just use Dad's business for excuse para sumama si ate at ako?

"Ma can i say goodbye first to my friends? That's 5 days straight-party before i leave."

"Two months lang tayo doon. It's not like we're going there again to live, besides, you can be two months sober, right? Wouldn't you want that?" I grinned. I love doing that to my sister ang ipamukha sa pamilya na she's also the black sheep of the family too.

She's been treating me coldly for these past months and i think that it's the influence of her 'outstanding friends, she has been doing drugs, our family doesn't seem to know about it. She doesn't seem to care about her reputation.

Tiningnan kami ni kuya na nalilito while mom and dad are shocked at the sudden news. Ate's been glaring at me for the last seconds.

"Right ate?" Sabi ko dito with my sweetest smile. I looked at them all before i politely asks to leave the dining table.

"Seven!!!" Sigaw ni daddy. Oops. That's my cue to lock my door, he'll be banging it till i open up.

I bolted from my seat and sprint to my door, i heard footsteps and i thought it would be Dad but it was ate samara. She looks mad. "You'll regret snitching on me you seven! You're the reason why my life now is f****d up! I'll f*****g kill you if you won't say sorry to me."

"Ate? That's just fair. You messed with my friends' life and I'm helping her with what you've done, i did apologize on your behalf. Be good again like last time. Do you know how it'll bring shame to our family if they find out? Don't worry I'm not snitching on you. I did just said that so that they'll also know about your life. Don't tell me what i am talking about because i have so many eyes and they're all looking at you, every single step that you are taking they're there watching you. I'm giving you a favor here so please just go with the flow like last time." i smiled and hug her.

She's a little b***h but I forgive her. She's my blood and sister.

"Thanks, ven, and I'm sorry. I'll be away for 3 days to find him. Can you excuse me to them?" kumalas siya sa yakap ko at tiningnan ako, tumango lang ako tsaka ko siya nginitian.

"Don't worry akong bahala kay mama at papa. Just please. Don't get caught up in trouble." sometimes naiisip ko na parang baliktad yata ang order namin. Ako dapat 'yong panganay.