Lycan’s Kiss — Bending not breaking

Touché

Ezekiel

I think the only thing I would say I ‘like’ let alone ‘love’ anymore, is the Forrest around the base. Once you leave all the buildings behind, there is just a narrow trail that leads you to the other side of the territory. Barely wide enough to fit a grown wolf on patrol. The trees around are standing so close to each other that a human might fit, but a shifter not necessarily. Which is why we have surveillance cameras around the whole territory.

Given what we do and that there is still an hourly patrol, we’ve not had any problems. Some of the jobs we did have earned us the respect of most of the supernatural community, and the rest is just a little too scared of our numbers to try something stupid.

My rapid footfalls are cushioned by the thick moss lining most parts of the trail, and I nod at the soldiers on patrol I pass running.

In about 10 yards, I will make a left. It's the only junction that is perfectly out of view of the camera. And at the end of the barely there footpath, I trample and then cover up every time I come here is a small shed. I built this thing when I first started. Rex hates coming here. Says it holds all my obsessions… is weighing me down. But I know I need this. To be ‘normal’ around others. I need to feed the rage inside me. The hole that threatens to get too big if I don’t patch up the sides every once in a while. By hiding in my makeshift shed.

The second I see it, I feel like I can breathe both easier and like there will never be enough air. And when I open the door and turn on the flashlight, I can feel my heart beat out of my chest, and a calm envelop me simultaneously. I won’t even try to unpack those feelings. Would probably not end well. No…. Find a new lead. That’s what I focus on… a new lead.

______

Elodie

I know that kind of makes me a cliche, but since I lost Jordan, I don’t sleep well anymore. If I make it to 3 am, I would call that a ‘good’ night. So that is why I’m in the shower we share the next room over at 5:00 am after turning and turning until Cansu threw a pillow at my head, scrutinizing the mint green tile and trying to meditate. I need a clear head before I start my day. Not only will I be training this morning, but I’ll also face Cole again… and for that, I have to be normal. Well, not normal… the old me. What he expects, basically. I could slap myself for thinking this could be possible to get away from it all. Instead, here I have to pretend more than ever.

I will be constantly watched, and just thinking about that sends a shiver down my spine. Nobody wants to be the old me again more badly than… ME. But I’m not there yet, and I don’t want to freak out on someone out of the blue. Then again, I doubt everyone here is as vexing as the colonel. Ugh, I think I just threw up a little in my mouth. Goddess, that guy is the first person in 3 years that makes me wish I could just forget all about nice, pleasant Elodie and cuss him out after I give him a good kick to the balls.

You know what? No, for him especially, I will be the nicest I have ever been. So sweet, I’ll give his a** diabetes.

“Choke on that, you massive——What the hell?!!!!” I let out a loud shriek and yank the shower curtain back in front of me. Staring back at the dude blocking the light coming into the shower stall. Yeah, I forgot that those barracks house both genders and everything else on the spectrum. So he is probably one of the recruits we share this bathroom with.

“Occupied. Move one over.”, I hiss, pointing at the sign on the door, then gesturing to the second shower stall right next to the one I’m using. Simultaneously, I see his hands fly frantically, his cheeks red. What…

‘So sorry. I’m deaf… didn’t hear the shower.’

When I just stare at him, he blushes even more, then points to his ear, shaking his head and gesturing toward the shower. He looks wholly gobsmacked and like he wants to smash his head against the wall out of embarrassment.

‘Great job. Second week and you're the creep that walks in on girls in the shower.. well, done. Goddess, I wish I had my hearing aid in right now. Of course, she doesn’t understand what I’m saying. Alright, get ready for the deaf guy voice. Always great when I don’t hear myself talk.’

Finally, unfreezing, I give him a small smile and make sure to pin the curtain in place with my arm before I lift my hands.

‘It’s OK. I… guess this can be expected here every once in a while. Although I will warn the other girls about the creep in room 307.’ He stares at me in absolute shock.

‘Kidding.’ I hurry to sign.

‘Never shared a bathroom before...sorry’, I shake my hands out. ‘

Rusty. Haven’t had someone to ‘talk’ to in a while.’

Now his face just lights up, and I swear he looks oddly familiar. There is something mesmerizing about the piercing cerulean of his eyes that reminds me of someone, but I… I just don’t know who.

‘Well, looks good to me.’, extending his big hand and then letting it sink to his side, blushing again, he signs. ‘Sorry. Forgot. I’m Tray.’

‘Elodie.’ I smile back at him and then nod to the other stall. ‘Really nice meeting you, but … maybe you can get in there and let me…come out and put on some clothes?’

‘Yeah, sure…sorry.’ And after he blushes one last time, apologizing furiously another four, the door closes behind him, and I’m ‘alone’ again. I wait till I hear the shower in the stall next to me turn on before I push the curtain back fully.

Well, that sure was a welcome back to dorm life. Although the ones at my college and later med school weren’t unisex. So that’s new. But I have to say I have no desire to meet all of Tray’s roommates, so I rush through washing my face and brushing my teeth. Thanks to colonel a**head and my limited clothing options, the process of getting ready is sped up even more and by 6 am, I have done 100 lunges and push-ups and forced Brooke and Cansu out of bed.

“I take back everything I said yesterday… Not the perfect roommate”, Cansu grumbles, tying back her hair. Brooke smirks. “Not a morning person”, she fake whispers in my direction,

“Tsss. I do fine with getting up in the morning…. But not before 6 am! Not when I know another half hour of sleep was just around the corner, but my crazy roommate panted so loud I had no choice but to wake up.”

I throw my arms around her. “So sorry. I will be better from now on. I was too excited for my first day… and I hoped you would eat with me and tell me all I need to know about the basic training… like everything. I have no clue what to expect.” I give her my best open, practiced smile and see her resolve crumble. “Please? I will give you intel on the schedule for the medic training…if the colonel actually lets me teach….”

Cansu snorts. “I still have a hard time believing he agreed to that.”

“I don’t know. You might be underestimating him. Maybe he doesn’t mind the input at all. He has to kind of put on a hard front. People do expect that of not only the second in command but also someone who is former military.”

“Such a kiss- a**”, Cansu scoffs. “Let me guess: you signed up for patrol with him, and for the extended course he teaches on tracking and retrieving.”

Brooke turns bright red, and I feel her friend was right about that. Interjecting to take the pressure off the fae that looks ready to burst into flames, I sigh loudly.

“Ugh, I am hungry. Anyone else want breakfast?”

“Me”, Brooke almost yells, which earns her a chuckle from Cansu.

“Yeah, yeah, try and avoid me. But one of these days, I will sit you down, and then you will tell me all about your misguided crush.”

“Only if you tell me all about that mechanic you're obsessed with. I heard you asking her about 100 questions about the ambulance, and I have never heard a more cringe conversation.” Brooke shudders.

But our roommate just shrugs. “Touché little fae… although I disagree. I’d call that mixed signals. Yeah…” She rubs her chin. “ Alisha is definitely into me.”

Brooke snorts. “Is that why she repeatedly asked you to call her Sergeant Mills?”

“It’s called flirting.” And we all laugh at the obnoxious wink she adds at the end of that statement.

“Wow, this is a lot more like college than I thought. First, that guy walks in on me in the shower, and no—-

“Wait, what?! When? Who?”

“This morning, he’s one of the guys we share the bathroom with. I… forgot to flip the sign to ‘occupied’, and he’s deaf, so he didn’t hear the shower.”

“That’s a new one.” Cansu smirks.” Never heard that excuse before.”

“I..don’t think it was an excuse. He was super embarrassed. Never seen a guy turn that shade of red. And he kept rambling about his hearing aids and deaf guy voice when I didn’t react immediately.”

“Hmmm. I still call bullsh**” And the decided tone makes me chuckle again.

“You’re too sinister for this world.”, Brooke sighs and gets a friendly jab to the ribs.

We make it to the cafeteria closeted to our barracks (learned just now that there is more than one), and I watch both the girls in amused as they pile an insane amount of bacon, eggs, hash browns, and fruit onto their plates. Definitely will need the energy.

When I sit across from them with a bowl of oatmeal the size of my head, Cansu looks at me in disbelief.

“What?”

“Plain oatmeal, really? You have an excuse to put back delicious food in amounts that would make a pro sumo wrestler sick, and you eat oatmeal.”

“It’s filling, has a lot of fiber and all the nutrients you need and… I like it.” That’s actually a lie. I never liked oatmeal. But I’m not going to tell them I eat it because it reminds me of my dead mate. That would just be sad… and a tiny bit concerning.

Cansu sighs. “Knock yourself out.” Then nodding over my shoulder: “First day, and you already got an admirer. I can see why but damn girl… you work fast.”

Grinning, she points her fork in said direction, and when I turn, I see Tray. He blushes again and then gives me a shy wave. Smiling, I wave him over, signing that he can sit with us because he looks kind of lost.

“That’s the guy from this morning.”

“Well, hello! He could walk in on me in the shower anytime.”, Cansu whisper-yells when Tray walks over. When I look at her, surprised, she shrugs. “All the same to me. As long as I like you.. and if you look like that…. Damn, you’re one lucky b**h.”

Tray reached our table and gives all of us a rather charming smile. Guess the walk over here gave him some confidence.

‘Hey. Those are my roommates.’ I point at them ‘Cansu and Brooke.’

“Nice to meet you.” His voice is low, and there is a little strain to it; also, he swallows a little of the last word there. And looking up, I see that he has his hearing aids in now.

“Yeah, truly nice. Take a seat.” Pulling out the chair next to herself, Cansu bats her lashes at him.

“O-OK.”

Man, she’s going to scare the poor kid off. But I also have to say this is the most normal I have felt in a long time…. and I only have to pretend so much. Laughing at Cansu's flirting, smiling at Tray to encourage conversation, share secret glances with Brooke. All seems so natural. Maybe I was wrong, and I can be myself here. So far, no one seems to mind.

_________

Ezekiel

Phase one of my plan is not going so well. I was sure by now the doc would be complaining to anyone who would listen.

But instead of buckling, I see her heft the next large practice weight onto her shoulder and speed off faster than her opponent. And I hate every second of it. It’s the second week, and I have not let her anywhere near teaching anyone anything. My excuse: she should get a feeling for what the class was like, take it for a little, and then we would get back to actually letting her loose on the recruits.

So for the last two weeks, my class must have been the most horrendous it ever was. I pressed the material for four weeks into two and brought down the hammer on anyone that couldn’t keep up during the practice runs.

Never held those as a competition before. Also, usually don’t pair male and female recruits to face off because that usually is an unfair curb. All for equal opportunity, but for my assessment not necessarily helpful or convenient.

Sure as hell paired the good doctor with a male recruit, though. The biggest oaf available. And since I have a say in… everything, your partner in my class is now also who you will pair up with during basic training. Bet the sparing matches between those two will be… interesting.

And all this, having her do stupid, tedious work like distributing handouts, rolling up all the bandages we use during practice, and making everything harder in general, like giving her the heaviest dummy possible (by accident, of course) to carry for our test run on ‘holds and carries’… all this is still not enough.

I see her practiced smile glitch a few times, but that sickeningly sweet demeanor stays in place. She doesn't waver when I push her to her limits, sweat running and exhausted. Nor when I somewhat disrespect her in front of the class…although I pretend to be subtle about it. By now, all the recruits have caught on and give me weird looks whenever I start opening my mouth again.

Like now.

“Alright. That wasn’t terrible. But you could make better time if your grip on his wrist was tighter and you tried pulling him up a little higher.” Turning to the big guy, his chest heaving and 0.7 seconds slower than the obnoxious, ever-smiling doctor, I nod curtly.

“Well done.”

“Bullsh**”

My head snaps up. “Excuse me?” I look around for the one who just said that. “If you have something to say, I would appreciate it if you would step in front and speak up. I couldn’t quite hear you.”

From my peripheral vision, I see the doc throw someone a warning glance. Then she gives me one of those irking smiles. Ugh. can she stop?

“You said to do it again. Any other pointers you could give me on really mastering the art of carrying someone on my shoulders.” And something flares in her eyes, the slight spiteful undertone not lost on me.

“No. Just do it again. Faster this time. Can’t have others picking up your slack in the field.”

“Sure would hate that.” Again with the smile.

To my utter resentment, she is actually faster this time, and I hate it. All of it. The only thing I look forward to is the training session in the morning when I will get Archer to have them spar. Usually, we don’t start with that until week four, building up from basic moves, endurance, agility, and weight training. But I want to see how this will turn out.

:::::::

I’m almost giddy the following day. Today, finally. Making my way to the cafeteria, my arm doesn’t hurt for the first time in forever. But the good mood is slightly bummed down when I see HER sit at our table. Cole working her hard. Can’t be described any other way. He is basically diving into the sports bra she’s wearing.

‘F*gly little bastard’, Rex huffs.

Picking up my typical bowl of oatmeal, I strut towards them and sit down next to Archer.

“Oh hey… the man of the hour!! I hear your training sessions are going really well. Elodie has been praising you non-stop.”

“Did she now?” And my voice is cold enough to turn anyone into an icicle. But Dr. Med Sunshine nods and gives one of those broad smiles.

“Yeah, the colonel is certainly…thorough.”

“Well, I have to make up for the lack of knowledge and enthusiasm of some of the recruits. Some want this more than others. Always a few black sheep every year.” I say in a bored tone.

Again I see something flare in her eyes. Like someone is sparking a fire behind the deep pools of grey that try so hard to be part of that obnoxious grin she puts on now again.

“Yeah, but who knows, how much of that number can actually be attributed to poor leadership? That would never be true for you, colonel. But one does wonder.”

Little b**h. I feel Archer stiffen next to me.

‘Your teeth are clenching so hard you’re giving me a headache. Cool it.’

“One does, surely wonder. I have always tried to figure out whether higher education, general good fortune, and familiar support directly correlate with one's work ethic. You know? Does a degree from a university make one lose the will to put in good old-fashioned hard work to reach a goal? Given one has already worked ‘hard enough’ to obtain that level of education.”

And for a millisecond, I see it. The anger, the hate. Her brows draw together ever so slightly before she smoothes them out and smiles at me even wider.

“Truly an interesting premise to put to the test. What I find way more fascinating is the correlation of feeling emasculated when it comes to being faced with, say, a partner or colleague with said university degree.” Turning to Cole, she continues, “Would you have a problem with that?”

“What are we talking about?”

I suppress the growl that wants out. She really went there. Had the audacity to suggest I feel ‘emasculated’ by the fact she is several thousand dollars in debt and has a fancy frame to put up on her wall.

“I was—-

“She is asking if you’d be turned off by a woman that’s smarter than you… if that would hurt your male ego.”, I say calmly, my eyes never leaving her face. And the fact that she holds my gaze irks me more than anything.

Cole laughs. “Hell no! Nothing sexier than a smart girl. Kind of always had a thing for lawyers and doctors, you know?” He winks at the doc, and she smiles at him.

“Is that so?”

“Yup.”

Leaning in, I see him brush the back of her hand. “And since we’re talking about that—-

“Training starts in 5 minutes. We should probably get going. Archer?” I have no desire to be part of this conversation. My friend gets up as well, and we nod at the two of them, Cole still clutching her hand as if she will run off if he lets go. Never thought desperation could look more pathetic.

“So… I saw you paired her with Henson?” Archer pushes his hands into his pockets, a typical gesture that doesn’t quite match his appearance. When you see the guy with his waist-long braid and full beard, you expect him to pull out a short sword or an ax and charge into battle. Not hunch over like the typical twenty-something who lives in sweaters and does ‘something in IT’.

But the second we are out of ear or eye shot…

“Sure did. Wouldn’t want the ‘good’ fighter to feel like we’re not challenging her.”

“Ezekiel…” Turning toward me, he stops, forcing me to look over at him. “This could be really big. She is a good doctor with several years of experience. You shouldn’t deprive your recruits of what she could offer them because you don’t like her.”

“Who says I don’t like her?”

“The fact that you guys just insulted each other on the down low over breakfast tells me enough.”

“Just discussing the benefits of higher education.”

Archer scoffs. “You basically called her a lazy stuck-up b**h, and she called you a d**kless chauvinist.”

My lips twitch.”I would never.”

“Please. Try to make this work. Or don’t but don’t work yourself up about it. And don’t let it out on your recruits. I know you have been cranking up the pressure. Stop it. We need every one of them. Don’t crush their dreams because you’re pissed off at her and Cole.”

I let out a humorless laugh. “Being pissed off would require me to give a single f**k about what the two of them are doing. I don’t. So no, I’m not pissed. Just… trying something new. But I’ll take your suggestion.”

Now it’s my friend's turn to laugh. “No, you won’t. But nice try… Zeke.”

I cringe internally and throw him a nasty look that only makes him chuckle again.