LA: Loyalty or Annihilation

Chapter 6

Shawn's POV

"I said leave, Shawn."

I don't move.

I can't.

My eyes keep going from Kristal's face to the engagement ring sitting between us.

That ring should be on her finger.

I've seen it there every day since I proposed.

At breakfast.

At dinner.

While she slept.

When she reached across the couch for the remote.

When she held my hand.

When she hugged me.

It became a part of her.

Now it's sitting on the dining table like a f*****g obituary.

"Kristal..."

She turns back toward her laptop.

Dismissed.

Just like that.

"No."

My brows pull together.

"No?"

"No more speeches. No more explaining. No more telling me how complicated everything was."

She scrolls through another apartment listing.

"I understand."

"You don't."

Her fingers stop.

Slowly, she looks at me.

"I understand perfectly."

That tone.

Jesus.

"I understand that you were married when you met me. I understand that you chose not to tell me. I understand that you proposed to me while still legally married to someone else. I understand that your wife came back months ago, and instead of telling me the truth, you started sleeping with her again."

Each sentence lands harder than the last.

"I understand that she knew about me while I knew nothing about her."

She tilts her head.

"Did I miss anything important?"

I open my mouth.

Nothing.

Her gaze drops back to the screen.

"Thought so."

"Kristal, what do you want me to say?"

"I don't want you to say anything."

"That's bullshit."

Her eyes snap up.

"What?"

"You can't possibly be this calm."

The second the words leave my mouth, I know they were stupid.

Something dangerous passes through her eyes.

"You want me to scream?"

"I didn't say that."

"You want me throwing dishes? Breaking s**t? Pulling my hair out asking what she has that I don't?"

"No."

"Because I'm not doing that."

She closes the laptop.

"I cried last night."

My chest tightens.

She gives a tiny nod toward the bedroom.

"Right beside you."

Fuck.

"You were asleep."

My stomach drops.

"I cried until I had nothing left."

"Kristal..."

"And while I was breaking apart, you slept peacefully after coming home from another woman."

"I didn't know—"

"Exactly."

Her voice doesn't rise.

Somehow that makes it worse.

"You didn't know because you've spent five years not thinking about what your choices would do to me."

I step toward her.

She stands immediately.

"Don't."

I freeze.

That hurts.

Kristal has never recoiled from me.

Never.

"You don't have to leave," I say.

Her face becomes almost confused.

"I'm sorry?"

"You don't have to move out."

A humorless laugh leaves her.

"You think I'm staying here?"

"This is your home too."

"Was it?"

The question shuts me up.

She looks around the apartment.

"The rent. The furniture. The photographs. Our little traditions. Movie nights. Christmas mornings."

Her eyes come back to mine.

"I thought this was our home."

"It is."

"No."

She shakes her head.

"It was the place where you kept one life while your other one waited across town."

"That's not fair."

Her eyebrows rise.

I immediately regret it.

"Fair?"

"That's not what I meant."

"No, Shawn. Please."

She gestures around us.

"Tell me about fair."

I say nothing.

"Was it fair when you let me leave New Jersey without knowing the truth?"

Silence.

"Was it fair when you proposed?"

Nothing.

"Was it fair every time you climbed into this bed after being with your wife?"

"Kristal—"

My phone rings.

We both look toward it.

JADE ❤️

Again.

My jaw clenches.

Third call.

Kristal actually smiles.

Not happily.

Something colder.

"Persistent."

I grab the phone and silence it.

"She's not important right now."

Kristal's expression changes.

Not jealousy.

Disgust.

"Don't do that."

"What?"

"Don't disrespect your wife to make me feel special."

Jesus.

"That's not what I'm doing."

"She's clearly important. You love her."

"I love you too."

"I know."

Her casual response catches me off guard.

"You know?"

"Yes."

She folds her arms.

"I believe you."

That should make me feel better.

It doesn't.

"I believe you love me in whatever selfish way you're capable of loving me."

My chest tightens.

"But love doesn't erase deception."

"People make mistakes."

Her gaze hardens.

"A mistake is forgetting our anniversary."

I flinch.

"A mistake is leaving the stove on."

She steps closer.

"Maintaining a wife and a fiancée at the same time isn't a mistake, Shawn."

My throat tightens.

"It's a lifestyle."

Fuck.

My phone finally stops ringing.

The apartment falls quiet.

Then—

RING.

Fourth call.

Kristal closes her eyes briefly.

I stare at the screen.

Jade.

Again.

I reject it.

"Would you stop focusing on the damn phone?"

Kristal looks at me.

"I'm not."

Then she adds quietly,

"You are."

I shove the phone into my pocket.

"There."

"Congratulations."

"Can we talk about us?"

"There is no us."

The answer comes instantly.

My stomach drops.

"Don't say that."

"Why?"

"Because five years doesn't disappear overnight."

"No."

She nods.

"You're right."

Hope flashes through me.

Then—

"But trust can."

Gone.

Just like that.

"Kristal, give me a chance to fix this."

"Fix what?"

"Us."

"How?"

"I don't know yet."

"Exactly."

She reaches for her laptop again.

"Give me some time."

"You had five years."

"I didn't know Jade was coming back."

Her hand freezes.

Slowly, she turns.

"What?"

"I mean—"

"No."

Her voice becomes dangerously soft.

"Finish that."

I rub my forehead.

"I thought that part of my life was finished."

"But when she returned?"

I hesitate.

Kristal nods.

"There."

"What?"

"That's the part you keep avoiding."

Her eyes sharpen.

"She came back months ago."

"I know."

"That was your chance."

Silence.

"That was when you could've sat me down and said, 'Kristal, I'm married. My wife is back. I f****d up.'"

My jaw tightens.

"I was trying to figure things out."

"For yourself."

I don't answer.

"Exactly."

She opens the laptop.

My pulse rises.

"What are you doing?"

"Looking for somewhere to live."

"Stop."

She looks up.

"Excuse me?"

"Just... stop for a second."

I pull out the chair.

"We don't have to decide everything today."

She stares at me.

"You still don't understand."

"What?"

"I'm not deciding."

A pause.

"I've decided."

My heart drops.

"No."

"Yes."

"No, you haven't."

Her eyes narrow.

"You don't get to tell me when I've ended my own relationship."

"I know you're hurt."

"Don't."

"You're angry."

"Don't."

"You're making a permanent decision while emotional."

That does it.

The ice cracks.

Not completely.

But enough.

"Emotional?"

She stands so abruptly the chair scrapes backward.

"Yes, Shawn. I am emotional!"

Finally.

Her voice fills the room.

"My fiancé is somebody else's husband!"

My chest tightens.

"I have spent five years unknowingly sleeping with a married man!"

"Kristal—"

"I left my entire life for you!"

Her eyes glisten.

"But I'm supposed to take a few days and make sure I'm not being rash?"

"No, that's not what—"

"f**k you."

Silence.

Her chest rises and falls.

Then, almost visibly, she regains control.

The anger disappears behind that terrifying calm again.

"No."

She smooths her shirt.

"I'm not giving you that either."

"Giving me what?"

"A fight."

She picks up her coffee.

"You don't get to turn this into some dramatic argument where we both say horrible things and later pretend we were equally responsible."

My stomach twists.

"You did this."

Three words.

No emotion.

No question.

Just fact.

Then my phone rings.

Again.

Fifth call.

Neither of us looks this time.

It rings.

And rings.

And rings.

Kristal takes a sip of coffee.

I sit there feeling like I'm losing control of everything I've spent months desperately trying to hold together.

Finally, the ringing stops.

Silence.

Complete silence.

Kristal puts down her cup.

"There."

"What?"

"She stopped."

Her eyes meet mine.

"Now you can go."

My chest constricts.

"Where?"

She looks genuinely confused.

"I don't care."

"Kristal."

"Go to Jade. Go to a hotel. Go to work."

Her shoulders rise.

"Go sit in your car and contemplate why your life is a f*****g mess."

Despite everything, I almost laugh.

I don't.

"But you cannot stay here."

"This apartment is in both our names."

"Wonderful."

She nods.

"Then I'll leave."

Panic hits me instantly.

"No."

Her eyebrows lift.

"No?"

"You're not leaving."

"Watch me."

She grabs the laptop.

I jump up and step into her path.

"Kristal, please."

"Move."

"Just listen."

"I listened for five years."

I don't move.

Her eyes become flat.

"Shawn."

Something in her voice makes me step aside.

She passes me.

I follow her toward the bedroom.

"What are you doing?"

"What does it look like?"

She opens the closet.

Pulls out a suitcase.

Fuck.

"Kristal."

She drops it on the bed.

Unzips it.

"Stop packing."

"No."

"Please."

She starts pulling clothes from hangers.

"This is insane."

She pauses.

Turns.

And looks directly at me.

"No."

Her voice is quiet again.

"This is the first sane thing I've done since meeting you."

That f*****g hurts.

I step back.

She keeps packing.

Blouses.

Jeans.

Scrubs.

Shoes.

Toiletries.

Piece by piece, she's dismantling the life we built.

"Where are you going?"

"I'll figure it out."

"Stay here."

"No."

"I'll leave."

"Great."

"I mean temporarily."

Her hands stop.

Slowly she faces me.

"Shawn."

"What?"

"There is no temporarily."

My chest aches.

"You can't mean that."

"I do."

"After everything we've been through?"

The second I say it, Jade's voice flashes through my head.

You know what we've been through.

Fuck.

Both women.

Same excuse.

Kristal studies me.

"I know exactly what I've been through."

She resumes packing.

"You apparently experienced something entirely different."

My phone vibrates.

Not ringing.

A text.

I pull it out despite myself.

JADE: I meant what I said.

Kristal notices.

"Her?"

I don't answer.

She nods.

"Tell her congratulations."

"Don't do that."

"What?"

"Act like this is some competition you lost."

Her hands still.

Then she turns.

Her face is composed.

Beautiful.

Destroyed.

Strong.

"It isn't."

She walks toward me until we're only a few feet apart.

"You think you have a choice to make."

I swallow.

"Kristal—"

"You don't."

She points toward herself.

"I'm removing myself."

My heartbeat pounds in my ears.

"I don't want that."

"I don't care."

First time she's ever said those words to me.

I don't care.

They cut deeper than f**k you.

Kristal picks up another stack of clothes.

"I'm not competing with your wife."

She places them into the suitcase.

"I'm not waiting for you to decide whether I'm worthy of being picked."

Another stack.

"And I'm not spending another day wondering whether the man beside me is telling another woman he loves her."

She zips the first suitcase closed.

Then looks at me.

"So go home to your wife, Shawn."

I can't breathe.

"This is my home."

Kristal's eyes turn completely cold.

"No."

She reaches for another suitcase.

"This was your hiding place."

And that's when it finally hits me.

Kristal isn't threatening to leave so I'll chase her.

She isn't packing because she wants me to prove I love her more.

She isn't testing me.

She isn't negotiating.

She's leaving.

Actually leaving.

And for the first time since Jade came home...

I'm no longer afraid of having to choose between two women.

I'm terrified I'm about to lose one of them without ever getting a choice at all.