THE DIFFERENT KIND OF LOVE

The modernized high-end Millan nightclub with classic interior designs, located in the heart of Kansas City and only exclusive to the elites, is like a magnet attracting rich young heirs to converge. The designed gleaming marble floor, the curved wood paneling, and the playful Renaissance art adorning the walls give the place a luxurious atmosphere. Each detail is well-designed to cater to the exquisite taste of the rich. Each telling a story, deep secrets they shared. Zayn’s family owns the club. One of the top three families in Kansas City. They owned and ran all kinds of businesses of the night, including luxurious nightclubs, which gave Gary, Zayn, and Sam a free pass every night. They had been friends from childhood, as their powerful families often interacted, and they all attended the prestigious Kansas private school. They kind of just ended up together, and it stuck. They only had each other. Trust was an expensive commodity. The club often hosts DJs or live music concerts, which gives out a vibrant atmosphere for socializing, and tonight was one of those nights. The DJ is extra enthusiastic, and the beats feel like hammer blows to his eardrums. Nightlife is not his style, but Sam needed a place to drain his sorrows and hide his wants from the world. The place hid the dreadful whispers about the not-so-normal son of the Kian industries. The club was his sanctuary. He needed it. The expensive wines and drinks filled up his void, driving away the loneliness. Here, no one judged or expected him to act decently, and all well-behaved. The lights twinkled in rainbow colors, courtesy of the huge colored Italian crystal chandelier suspended from the ceiling. It was delicate and fine, like a wine glass. Zayn’s father had gone through a lot of trouble to safely transport it back into the country. He hated his son's taste, but it seemed he also had a secret. The lights dazzled Sam’s sight, hypnotizing him into daydreaming, and with every blink of his wet, glazed eyes from the drinks, he pictured the pieces of his past like a press on film. He slowly raises his hands and massages his eyes gently, trying to wipe away the drowsiness, forcing the memories away. The loud music and alcohol effects whispered nothing of regret that brought out a nauseating feeling from within, leaving a bitter, disgusting taste in his mouth. Sam scrunches his face as he swallows the bitter saliva, not knowing if it was his inner pain or the drinks he'd been gulping throughout the night. Sitting in the raised VIP private lounge, he stares out into the crowd, and a young gay couple dancing closely catches his attention. Not that he wanted to watch them, but his current dilemma just led his eyes to what he yearned for but couldn’t have. His soul was projecting its wants to the present. Deepening the void in his heart that left him with a piercing pain. Sam's heart never stopped loving him. The couple created an app-roar earlier, when they showed off their love with a great funfair. One of them proposed, and delightfully, the other one responded by doing the same. They received a few congratulations, applause, and even a few screams from the crowd as they exchanged rings. But then again, why not him? Sam kept his eyes on them as they swayed seductively to the beats of the DJ, openly loving each other without a care in the world. How can they be so free? He envied them. He wanted to have that. The naked intensity in his eyes said it all. His heart yearned to feel like that again. Alive. Like a distant memory, he only felt like that once. A long time ago. And for just a moment, which then became memories, and just as quickly, they were drifting and fading away as the days went by. He yearned to feel like that again. But only with him. 'He is all in my head. If only I could go back and start again, with a little more courage.' Struggling to hide his secret from everyone wasn’t easy. His family is very loving, and surely they will support him, but Sam didn’t want to put them in that position, at least not yet. He didn’t feel the need to; his love was still unknown, even to him. Sam loved his family, and if he let it all out, his family’s reputation would be even more tarnished after all the crazy stuff he was doing. But all these were just excuses he wanted to believe in instead of coming to terms with who he was and accepting himself. Suppressing his yearnings year after year was becoming too hard to bear, and as the pressure increasingly became unbearable, so was he. Years of separation, longing, and heartbreak were becoming unbearable. He was exactly at that perfect stage, for one to act on life and find meaning, or everything goes wrong, and you end up like him in a club late at night, regretting the biggest mistake of his life, drunk, waiting to see his loved one again. “I am really tired, I want to close my eyes and just forget, but I can’t, I must wait for him. My heart, soul, and whole being won’t let me move on.” Sam silently murmured out like a prayer. ''Oh my…gosh, look who just walked in, he is hot.'' Zayn squealed in a cheerful voice, his eyes widening as they followed the man walking into the club with his friends. ''What a sight, he is dazzling.'' He kept cheering him. Sam would have cheered with him, but not tonight. Nothing felt right. Five years ago, this very night was exactly the day he left. The day he lost him. Zayn was already out as queer, and his exquisite wardrobe taste said it all. It highlighted his imposing and seductive personality. His confidence placed him on another level, and he shone brightly; no one could overshadow his ambience, not even his crazy family. ''Nope, don’t even think about it.''. Gary states sternly and pulls Zayn back to his seat before he can stand up. Their eyes clashed, and they shared a moment, but then Zayn pulled away; he didn't want to listen; he didn't want to forgive. Not yet. " Stop looking at them,'' Gary groans, anger blazing from his voice, openly showing his displeasure. He pushed his classy spectacles upwards with the tip of his ring finger, a habit he couldn’t stop even after getting better-fitted spectacles. He looked up at Zayn. ''Please stop, you will make them come to us,'' Gary pleaded, getting annoyed. He was sure Zayn would attract their attention to them, like he always does, and then, out of courtesy, they would have to come and say hi. And he hated others anywhere near his loved one. Especially that group of young elites he was attracting. Gary was very sensitive when it came to Zayn. He was always on the lookout, fearing his love might fly away before they even started. The one he loved but couldn’t have, the real night butterfly, who was blind to his love. Gary, too, didn’t like the nightlife; he had already taken over their family business, and he didn’t have much time to laze around, but he kept hanging out with them every night. It didn’t matter how tired he was, he had to be there, present for him. One time, Zayn had gotten drunk, and all the pain he was hiding came pouring out into the open. Gary wasn’t present. Zayn had murmured out his name throughout the night, but he couldn’t be there as he was out of the country. Since then, Zayn has held a grudge even though it wasn’t Gary’s fault; his attitude towards him changed drastically, and he was either avoiding him, being too polite, or completely sarcastic. Gary fancied his weird, queer, exquisite wardrobe, his intelligence, his confidence. His crazy whole being. Zayn’s sweet mouth could charm absolutely anyone, even a snake out of its hole, and Gary isn’t an exception. Zayn is his everything. He is immensely in love with him. But Zayn was too blind to his care and advances and was busy attracting bees to his nectar. Or maybe not, he is just pretending not to see it, as he is also messed up in his own way and didn’t believe he deserved the pure, wholehearted love Gary was offering. Let’s just say Daddy wasn’t that happy with his queer son who refused to live in the shadows. He fought; he won, but not before great damage was done. A hefty price for freedom. And the only reason why Zayn is still an heir to his family’s empire is that he is the only son of a prominent family with lots of money and no one to share it with. Not that they hated him, but they had made painful memories, and giving him freedom seemed to be the only way to make up for the damage they had done. Another mistake, he craved their love and attention, not freedom. .