Ghosts

Viking Bones and Democracy.

After collecting Jay and Damien, the quintet walked out and over to where they were working on the pipes for the fountain. "We were trying to figure out how this thing's fed." Mark informed the other four, referring to the fountain. "We came across some cast iron piping. That'll have to be swapped out."

"That sounds cheap." Jay said sarcastically.

"But that's not what I needed to show you. While we were digging," Mark said as the group came to a stop above a hole that the workers had done,"we found this." Mark gestured to the hole,causing the others to look down and gasp with shock. "Oh my God!" Sam exclaimed.

"Is that -?" Jay asked before cutting himself off, already knowing the answer.

"That's right. Human remains." Mark answered. The two teens, now surrounded by the ghosts, were filled with curiosity as they gawked at the bones. The ghosts, equally surprised, stared at the remains and wondered whose they could be. Until one ghost stepped up, instantly knowing that the remains belonged to them. "Hey! That's me!" Thorfinn cheered, getting a concerned and shocked glance from the teens and Sam. Cassie was the first to express her shock. "What the f-"

"Cassie, no!" Sam whispered/yelled.

********************

"Are you sure that's you, Thor?" Sassapis asked.

"Yeah. Died right there. I watched my flesh rot, and my bones swallowed by Earth over hundreds of years." Thor confirmed. "Was pretty cool."

"No, it's not!"

"God grow a pair, Damien!" Cassie teased the boy, earning a shove by him. The adults had stepped away a little while ago and were discussing what to do with the bones. "Thing is I got to report it to the county." Mark said.

"Nooo!!!" Jay groaned.

"They'll investigate, and if they declare it a crime scene, the whole site gets shut down. Project can get delayed for months." The ghosts all complained at this new prospect of the site getting shut down, but were silenced by Sam asking, "Months? What if the bones were really old? Like, uh, like viking bones just to randomly name some type of really old bones?"

"I'm pretty sure there weren't any vikings around here."

"HE LIES!!!" Thor bellowed, causing the ghosts, Sam, Cassie, and Damien to jump. "Well, actually." Sam started.

"Here we go." Thor began to talk about how he and other vikings about how they would sail to distant lands in search of fur while Sam translated. "And that is accurate because due to the cold conditions that Vikings faced in Scandinavia, fur was a big part of viking culture." Cassie backed her Mom and Thor while everyone, dead and alive, stared at her in shock and awe. "What? History was my second best SAT score, I constantly research numerous parts of history, and I've signed up for a history course for college. How are you so shocked I know this?" Cassie inquired, turning back to the bones.

"Ookay." Mark dragged out, unsure of how to continue after the knowledge the two girls randomly dropped.

"They really love the show, Vikings!" Jay added.

"Okay, well, if it is viking, then we'll reach out to the state archaeology department. They call in the nerds with the toothbrushes. The whole thing takes longer. Sorry, guys. First thing tomorrow, I got to call this in." Mark told them before turning and joining the workers.

"This is so bad! We can not afford a month's long delay. We have loans to repay!" Jay said.

"I'll give you a piece of advice, my bootlegger boyfriend used to live by. Get rid of the damn body!" Albeta advised.

"Why do you know that?" Damien questioned.

"What if the bones just disappeared?"

"No, Mom! C'mon!"

"What are you talking about?" Jay awkwardly chuckled, not really wanting to find out.

"What if he came back tomorrow and the bones were just gone? And then there's no reason to call the county! No bones, no problem." Sam answered as Jay stood there, staring at his wife in disbelief.

"Who are you?!" Jay asked cautiously.

"We're going to hell." Cassie mumbled, contemplating how she went from a city girl to hiding a half a millennium old body in the countryside.

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*Later, in the house.*

"While I'm having a moment of lucidity, can we just fo over this one more time." Flower asked.

"Sure, Sam wants us to select a ghost representative to funnel all our requests through." Pete told the hippie.

"Right on. So now, who is Sam?"

"She was so close." Cassie mumbled to Trevor and Hetty.

"Am I Sam?" Flower questioned, her moment of lucidity long gone.

"And the moments passed." Sassapis commented.

"So now we can't even approach Samantha? That's no way to treat a human being! Who are we, my butler?" Hetty queried.

"Okay, so I guess we just vote?" Trevor asked the group.

"Fine." Hetty agreed.

"Yeah." Pete said as the rest nodded in agreement, except Isacc, who began laughing at the idea.

"What's up with Captain Fart over there?" Cassie quipped.

"Shut up, Cassandra!" Isacc commanded before returning to his mocking demeanour. "If it only was that simple. No, my friends." Isacc sighed as he turned to face them. "Democracy, though the best form of government is a tedious and flawed process. There will be hours of debate. Long boring speeches we'll have to sit through." Isacc listed as he strode around the room, coming to a stop next to couch Flower, Alberta, and Sassapis occupied. "Or, we could dispense all of that, pick me, and be done with it." Almost everyone, tired of this already, agreed instantly, hoping to get away from this conversation. "Wonderful! You've chosen wisely, my friends! Now it is tradition for the victor to give some remarks. Don't worry, I'll keep it to a brisk hour."

"HOUR??!! NU-UH!" Cassie protested.

"I'll be quick! Anyway, I knew from an early age-"

"Ugh, screw it!" Alberta yelled, standing from her seat. "I'm running against this windbag!" She declared as the ghosts gasped (minus Isacc) at Alberta's confidence. "Not cos I want the gig. I just don't want him to have it."

"What?" Isacc wheezed. "This is ridiculous! You were a singer! I was at the signing of the Declaration of Independence!"

"No, you weren't!" Alberta fought.

"I was outside! They started early! Point is, I practically invented democracy!"

"Didn't you just say it was flawed?" Cassie pressed.

"Building on Cassie's comment, indigenous governments were the model for American federalism so." Sassapis beamed.

"But...the electoral college, and the powered wig! Oh my! C'mon!" Isacc whined as he stormed out the room.

"Ooh, pop some popcorn cos this is about to get good!" Trevor smirked.

"We also invented popcorn." Sassapis reminded. "You're welcome."

"Oy vey." Trevor and Cassie groaned before looking at each other in astonishment.

"How are we already in sync?" Cassie asked, a smile on her face.

"Great minds think alike Cass."

"More like perverted minds." Hetty mumbled, earning glares from the pair. "Just saying." Hetty said as she held her hands up in surrender.

*******************

*At night.*

Sam held a basket as Jay dug the bones out and passed them to her, whilst Damien was looking out for anyone approaching. "This can't be legal." Jay said, terrified of getting caught for digging up the viking bones. "This is a crime. We're committing a crime!" Jay cried as he passed another bone to Sam.

"It's victimless. The victim is literally here saying it's OK." Sam reassured him as she inspected the bone.

Thor, who stood on Sam's left, said, "Yeah. It's cool."

"So how did you end up here?" Sam asked Thorfinn. However, Jay mistook it as a question directed towards him.

"Well, I fell in love with a white girl with a cute, cute butt, had a beautiful daughter and then they inherited a haunted house and then -"

"Babe, I'm talking to Thorfinn." Jay looked up at her and just simply nodded, knowing that he was gonna be caught up later.

"Well, it was a long time ago. Seven winters after the battle of Svolder. I was tracking beasts across the land when a great big storm gathered. Before I could find shelter..." Thor trailed as he remembered being struck by lightning. "In retrospect, a metal helmet was probably not a great idea."

"Gee, ya think?" Damien retorted.

"Oh my God! He was struck by lightning!" Sam explained to Jay.

"What are we gonna do with these?" Jay asked as he held another bone he fished out of the dirt. "I mean him. I mean you." He stumbled as he pointed the bone at Thor. "Sorry to point at you with your own bone." He swiftly apologised as Sam took the bone off of him.

"Yeah, it was a bit weird that you just put his own corpse to his face." Damien said.

"Shut up, you." Jay instructed.

"Viking funeral!" Thor announced after a moment of contemplation.

"What?" Damien and Sam queried.

"What'd he say?" Jay asked, alarmed at the reactions from the other two.

"Every viking boy from very little dreams of dying horrifically and having a most triumphant viking funeral. It's a very special day." Thor explained. "But Thor never had one."

"He wants a viking funeral." Sam told Jay.

"What, like, we shoot a flaming arrow and burn the bones in a boat?"

"Yes! Yes! Small Man knows!"

"Yep."

"That does sound kind of cool." Jay admitted. "And it would be a great way to get rid of the evidence."

"What does this family know so much about crime?" Damien wondered, starting to grow worried.

"I beg of you. I will forever be in your debt."

"It seems really important to him." Sam translated for Jay.

"OK, big guy. Then I just have one ask." Jay informed Thor as he pointed another bone at where Thor was. "Can I shoot the flaming arrow?"

"I married a nine year old." Sam scoffed as she grabbed the bone he was waving about.

"I like Small Man!" Thor declared. "He is fun!"

"This is just weird and wrong." Damien mumbled as he strode back into the house.