My First Love Rejected Me. Now He’s for Sale.

Lily was waiting for me to cut my birthday cake in the private room, but I stopped outside the lounge's terrace doors. Noah was leaning down to light a woman's cigarette. She rested a hand on his collar and said something with a smile. He didn't step away. He cupped the flame against the wind until her cigarette caught, then put the lighter back on the table. The woman tucked a bill into the pocket over his chest. He thanked her quietly and pulled her slipping jacket back up over her shoulder. I couldn't even say his name. I'd known him since I was 15. I chased him for five years. After he dropped out of school, his number went dead and all his social media accounts disappeared. I asked every classmate I could find. I left my number at the restaurants where he'd worked. Eventually, even Lily stopped bringing him up. Now he was only a few steps away, asking someone else if she wanted another drink. "Claire?" Lily came out looking for me. She followed my gaze, and her voice caught. Noah looked up. We stared at each other through the glass door for a few seconds. Then he set down the wine bottle and came over to take my coat. "Come sit inside." I clutched my coat instead of handing it over. He didn't push. He just steadied the strap of my purse as it slipped off my shoulder, as if we'd happened to run into each other on the street. "These past two years, you..." A woman on the terrace called Noah's name. He turned to answer her. Before I could think, my hand was already wrapped around his sleeve. The manager hurried over and asked whether we needed anything. I looked at Noah's open collar. "Can you send someone else to keep her company?" "Would you like to book him?" I didn't answer. The manager quoted the price anyway: $700 for the night. Noah looked at me, but I was already handing over my card. The manager went out to the terrace and arranged for another man to take Noah's place. Noah stayed in front of me the whole time. Afraid he'd leave too, I never let go of his sleeve. After my card went through, he finally spoke. "Claire." I'd waited two years to hear him call me that again. But the next thing he asked was why I was spending that kind of money. "You don't want to stay with me?" He didn't answer. Lily told our friends to go ahead and cut the cake, then saved us seats by the window. I sat down. Noah draped my coat over the back of the sofa and asked what I wanted to drink. "Anything." He picked up the drink menu, and I pressed my hand over his. "You don't have to wait on me." I'd had so much I wanted to ask. Where he'd gone. Whether he'd been okay. How he'd ended up working here. But the lounge name tag was still pinned to his chest. I stared at the name on it and couldn't get a single question out. "If you don't want to be here, you can go." I let him go. "You don't have to refund the money." Noah closed the menu. "You don't have to help me like this." I lowered my head and took a sip of champagne, knocking over the little spoon beside my glass. He picked it up for me. I thanked him, and suddenly my eyes burned. Back in college, he'd returned the chocolates I'd given him just as carefully. He hadn't even opened the wrapping. He'd only told me not to spend money on him. But that woman had put cash in his pocket tonight, and he'd taken it. "I'm not helping you," I said. He looked at me. I pulled a few bills from my wallet and reached toward his shirt pocket. My fingers brushed the fabric, then stopped. Noah caught my wrist. "Don't." "Then what am I supposed to do?" I asked. "Other women can have you sit beside them. Why can't I?" He held my hand without answering. I wanted to pretend I'd only come here to have fun, but with the money already in my hand, I still couldn't bring myself to touch his face. "Could you kiss me?" Someone laughed across the room. I kept my eyes on him and made my voice barely audible. Noah didn't move for a long time. I put the money away and folded it over and over, but I couldn't get the corners to line up. "Forget it. If you don't want to..." He covered the hand I was using to fold the money. His voice was low. "You'll regret this tomorrow." I finally looked up. "Then we'll deal with it tomorrow." When Noah leaned closer, I didn't close my eyes right away. Only when his lips touched mine, and the hand that had once pushed away my gift gently cupped my face, did I grab his collar. I'd imagined so many times what it would be like if he kissed me. But when it finally happened, I was still holding the tip I'd never managed to give him. He pulled back slightly, resting his forehead against mine. "Do you want more?" I looked at him, and tears filled my eyes in the most humiliating way. "Yes." Of course, I wanted more than one kiss.