Worth the wait

Two

Part of getting ready today was a pep talk. You got this just focus on teaching. Also, she doesn’t have your class today. Today had to be a better day. A redo of my first day. I feel robbed of it. It was suppose to be me stepping into my dream. I worked hard to become a teacher. I don’t know why her, or why now. It doesn’t matter she is to young and I need to focus.

Grateful that I didn’t have Amaris in class today. Honestly it was the best day. How yesterday should have been. I was able to enjoy teaching. This just helps me understand that I need to focus and let her go. I mean she was never mind so I won’t have to try to hard. I came home and felt like cooking and watching tv. The day before all I could think of was her and this impossible situation. Now, I see that it isn’t impossible just a test to see how bad I want to be a teacher. It was easy to enjoy the rest of my night off of the high that I had from teaching. As it gets later in the night and the high wears off. My mind starts to drift. It would be nice to fall in love. I always wanted to get married and have kids and thought that in a couple of years that I could. I just hope that Amaris isn’t my only chance. I never believed in love at first sight. I don’t believe in sole mates. I pray I am not wrong on sole mates and miss out on mine. I want to be honest with myself. Truth is I don’t know if I would be willing to risk teaching for love. Even if she was my sole mate. I don’t know which I would want more. I still learning on how to be a man. I am in no position to be able to offer anyone let alone Amaris a promise of a life together. Mine is just starting and I thought I had a plan. I want the plan to work out.

Today I have Amaris in class, first thing. I am looking forward to seeing her again. I will just keep myself busy on teaching. I can look forward to her. That’s not bad right?

She has just walked into class but the bell has not rang yet. I want to show her how good of a teacher I am. I want to be her favorite. Why do I have these feelings? I haven’t even got to talk to her yet. It is like we have connected on a deeper level and our brains have to play catch up. Like there is something I am missing but it is pulling us together. Class has just started and I start to walk to the front of class. Excitement has kicked in. Okay class let’s open our books to the first chapter. I understand that we all learn in different ways. I will have you all read the chapter on your own. Then do a lecture over the chapter and then hand out book work. To help you understand the main points from the chapter. To start today off I will just lecture for the first chapter. Tonight your homework will be to go back and read the first chapter. I didn’t want to give homework the first day so we will do it backwards this time. If you have questions while I am going through the chapter. Please raise your hand and ask. I was going over the chapter everything was going well. No questions were asked so I got finished before the class ended. Okay, class well I’ll end here for today. Please take notes if that helps while I talk or while you read. That is a great way to also understand what is being said or what you read. You guys can get started on reading the first chapter. I go and sit back at my desk. Making sure that tomorrows work sheets are ready. I let the students pick out their own desk the first day. Amaris choose to sit in the back. The desk closest to my desk. The desk are set up to where they have someone next to them and rows. I over hear Amaris and her friends talking. I start to blush because they are talking about how hot I look. According to them I am the hottest teacher. I want to tell them to use there time wisely and read but they are high schoolers and I am not about to baby sit. It is up to them if they want to succeed or not. I get back to working on stuff for my other classes when I hear a student getting up I look up and see Amaris walking towards my desk. I loose my breath for a minute. She is so beautiful. Yes, I say when she gets close. Mr. Bright can I go to the bathroom. She asked. Yes, was all I said. When she said my name. I wanted to ask her to call me Kam. I didn’t of course but wanting to hear her call me by my first name. We are not equal, we are not friends. I am her teacher. She comes back after a couple of minutes. She joins her friends and they get back to talking. I hear Amaris ask her friends if any of them have any pain medicine. She then goes to say she is cramping and I am blushing. Not because it’s embarrassing but because it is intimate and I don’t know much about her. The class is now leaving and I act with out thinking. Amaris can you stay for a minute. Sure she answers. I heard you ask for pain medicine. I have some would you like some? Yes please, I am cramping so bad. I didn’t expect her to just come right out and tell me. Oh, I turn to my bad to get the medicine. I am sorry to hear you are cramping. Thanks, I guess I can’t ask you for a tampon. My eyes got big . Umm what, no I don’t have any. I stuttered at first from shock. Wow she is something else. I didn’t expect you to have any. I was just joking. Oh okay, you are not embarrassed? Most girls your age are. No, why should I be? You shouldn’t but again just surprised because most are. Well Mr. Bright you will learn fast I am not like most. I see that you will keep me on my toes. Oh no I will keep you running after me. I love trouble and fun. Why did she have to say that? Trouble huh, I ask. Yeah, but nothing bad just I speak my mind and it usually gets me in trouble. My family tells me all the time I am a lot to handle. Well as I see it maybe they shouldn’t handle you but take care of you. There is a difference. I think I over stepped because Amaris looks down and grabs her stuff and practically runs out the door with a thanks. Why did I have to go and say that? But it is true. If you try to handle someone they will be a burden and you will tire yourself out. Wishing they were different. When you want to care for someone you just show up and do. No matter what; they may get on your nerves but they are never a burden. You find yourself in loving and caring for them. Like it is one of your greatest purpose. At least that is how dad treats mom and says that he found himself in loving her. It was his calling, it makes him better everyday. I get ready for my next class trying to push thoughts of Amaris and our conversation away. I let one last thought come through. I want to get home and call dad.

I get home a I was ready to call dad and ask him about mom and love. I was ready to listen to understand not just hear the stories. But I am now a coward. Reminding myself that it doesn’t matter. I have to be her teacher only. The thought depressed me a little. If she wasn’t my student I would of went and bought her tampons. Also, would carry some with me just in case. Would help her understand that if she is being herself it is never to much. Help her find confidence in being a lot as she puts it everyday and holding her head high. That reminds me why did she put her head down when I said that handling and caring are two different things? There must be more to the story. I want to know. I have to not think like that. I have to not get involved and learn more. I will just make me want her more. It was past my bedtime when I looked up. I had to tell myself it is okay to want what is best for her before I went to bed. I was still being hard on myself for wanting to know more.