Worth the wait

Four

I don’t have Amaris in class today. I want to talk more to her. I am glad though that I don’t so I have time to think. I want our next interaction to be intentional. I want her to know she can trust me. I haven’t really thought about how much I am willing to give. It isn’t like I can let her live me with me. To help her get out of that home. Is that even a home? I know that I love her and want her to be in my life and not as a sister. I want to make everything better. But I realize that she doesn’t need me right now she needs God. I have to step back and let God help heal her. If I step in and start doing all the work. The work would be tied to me and she is strong and can do the work. I don’t want her to have to rely on me or anyone else. I can’t be her hero or she will love me because of what I have done for her and not because of who I am. I want a partner when the time comes. I want a wife. Not someone who doesn’t know themselves and shows up as who they think they need to be to earn someone’s love. I want her to find herself and be able to stand on her own. I will have to be a friend. That is what she needs. Not someone else trying to come and handle her.

The day went by fast. Glad to be home. I grade papers and call it an early night. Again I pray, I think, I pray more for Amaris more than myself. I smile just thinking about her. I am glad I get to see her tomorrow. I decided I am going to take it slow and just follow her lead. Then when she trust me, I will take the lead. I want to help her walk into her future. Maybe one day that future will be with me. Even if it isn’t I am just glad she will have one. If anyone deserves one, it is her. She is so strong. Carrying all that pain and weight. I am just in awe of how she try’s to keep it together. How she still has hope. I seen it in her eyes that first day. I will try to help her see it. I pray that she will become whole. I hate to see her broken. I sleep well that night. Getting ready for school I remember that it is Friday and I can not wait for the weekend. It has been a long week. Just trying to process everything. It has tired me out. As I am walking into the building. I get a text from my mom. She is reminding me of a family lunch at the house. I know they are all excited to hear how my first week went. It was something I will never forget. Amaris is on time today and I am glad. Not knowing if she would have an attitude if I asked why she was late again. Class starts and today is the first test. Because I am nice I am letting it be open book. I inform the class and then take my seat. They get started on the test and I busy myself with work. It wasn’t open teacher but I guess that changed when of course Amaris has a question. I just can’t say no. Yes Amaris I say when she raises her hand. I have a question. Okay, I get up and go to her. What is your question? I can’t find this answer to this question. Can you help me find it? Sure. I grab the book and show her the section that the answer is in. Thank you Mr. Bright. Your welcome. I go back to my seat. Now, others are raising their hands and asking questions. I really need to learn how to say no to Amaris. She is trouble but in a good way. I think I will be running after her soon enough. Me not saying no to her isn’t because I pity her it is because I want her to lean on me and look to me when she needs help. I don’t want to turn her away. I want her to trust me not just because I want to help her but also because I really do think that this is my wife. That when she graduates I can see myself falling in love with her. I mean love at first sight is love but I want to not just love her because I feel a connection but because of who she is. Class your time is up for the rest pass your papers forward. Please five more minutes, Amaris ask. I already know that I am going to say yes. Rolling my eyes at myself. Okay class five more minutes and that is it. The test will be turned in regardless of it is done or not. I go sit back down. I got up to collect the test. As I sit down I am telling myself. If she ask again for five minutes. You need to say no. You have to show some boundaries you are in charge here. Thank God, Amaris didn’t ask for five more minutes. To tell you the truth I don’t know if I would of stayed strong. I collect the test and then hand them back out for the students to grade each others. We are now going over the test. I will hand you a students paper and you will mark any questions they got wrong. After going over the test and answering any questions. I collect them again to record the grades. Then let the class talk till the bell rings. There was only ten minutes left of class. I have never been so thankful that Amaris talks loud. Today I send a quick prayer up to God. Because I can always hear her conversation. She can not whisper to save her life. Shelby what are you doing this weekend? Amaris ask. I think I am going to have a small party. Want to come? Sure, I need some fun. Girl, I am going to invite Sam and his friends over. Any guy you want me to invite for you? Yep, I now don’t like Shelby. All I can do is listen and try not to react. Shelby you can invite Mr. Bright he is so hot. I am now speechless. I am glad she thinks I am hot and would want to spend time with me outside of class. Girl, I wish I could. I would have been of invited him. Shelby I am just going to put this out there. He is mine. Amaris it isn’t like he is going to date you. I don’t care, I don’t want you or anyone else trying to flirt or think of him like that. What ever Amaris. You can have him, in your dreams. I am going to be busy with guys that I actually have a chance with. Amaris wants me, I can’t believe it. Maybe she feels this connection to. I mean she has to right? I am glad she is claiming me even if i can claim her back right now. In my head and in my heart she is mine too. I am floating on cloud nine for the rest of the day. I am getting my stuff to leave for the day and Amaris walks in. I love that she just come in and owns the place. It’s like she knows that she is going to have my full attention no matter what. How can I help you? I just wanted to come and tell you that I hope you have a good weekend. Also, thanks for the extra time on the test. Your welcome and you have a good weekend as well. Try to be good Amaris. Well now I think I need to get into trouble just to go against what you said. Why? I want to know I will be thinking of you while I am getting into trouble. I wish I could see the look on your face. Bye Kam. That is Mr. Bright to you. Fine bye. Bye. I am smiling, glad she stopped by. I love that I got to see her smile before the weekend.