Second Chances

Two

"Carla, what's actually happened?" Jonathon asked softly staring into her eyes that looked flighty and sad at the same time, swirling like the ocean on stormy day, he knew something had gone wrong for her and needed to know more so he could offer her more comfort and support. 

"It doesn't matter Jonathon!" She stuttered, looking away and blinking, she was trying to avoid direct eye contact with him, he read her too well, always had and she loved it and hated it at the same time, especially more so over the years as they grew older he seemed to read her better, they were far better friends at that time than when they were married. 

Jonathon gently gripped her shoulders more to get her attention "Carla, has Eli forced you into rehab before or something?" His voice was full of concern and annoyance at Eli, his anger rising at the other man in a instant. 

Carla laughed "God no, no one forces me to do things I don't want to do, I'm too stubborn for that, no one tells me what to do!" She reinforced even though she knew she easily caved in to keep peace sometimes and often was a lot softer than she ever let anyone see. 

"He wants you to go there then?" Jonathon queried, trying to figure out the whole situation. 

Carla nodded "He wants kids and he wants me sober, he says I am too reliant on rock and roll living, he says if I went on tour again before sorting myself out, that it was over and I told him, to go f**k himself, that he just wanted someone to cook for and to f**k!" She chuckled to mask she was upset, but she still felt a little relieved that her second marriage was probably over, Eli was charming, but he would never compare to Jonathon and the feelings she still had for Jonathon, she also hated when a man thought he owned her and could boss her around and she felt she had given up so much already for the band and her music that she was in no way going to throw the towel in for a man she knew she didn't even love and maybe never even had. 

Jonathon nodded "You don't want kids and to get sober and clean then?" 

"No, I don't want kids with Eli, f*****g hell, I only married him because I've pretty much been intoxicated or stoned since.." She began before cutting herself off "Since forever and I don't want anymore damn ties and I can't have kids anyway!" She gulped, pulling away and sipping her glass, trying to push her true feelings and rush of emotions down with the alcohol, her coping mechanism.  

"Carla, does he even know everything about you?" Jonathon questioned, swigging his own drink, the mention of kids stung especially when Carla brought it up, it was a scarce and volatile subject for the fiery woman so he knew that it might easily have caused such a rift between her and Eli especially if Carla hadn't told him about everything in her past.

"No and he wont!" She said firmly turning around "No one will Jonathon, not unless I want them too!" 

"Carla, you know other people do know, what if someone said something to him?" Jonathon mused. 

"They wouldn't and even if there was a slip up, I truly don't give a f**k right now! Eli and I, it doesn't matter, look Jonathon, I need to sit down, my whole body is aching, I have barely slept and I just can't be bothered!" She sighed walking away and plonking down on a small soft couch "Bring the whiskey too!" She added demandingly.

Jonathon followed her lead, grabbing the Whiskey and sat beside her, placing the open bottle on the wooden coffee table that Carla had placed her feet on, stretching out to ease some of the aches and pain from her stiffness, an almost two hour long show, nearly every night, combined with travel and rehearsal really was taking a toll on her, life was, the lifestyle was too and she knew it "I just always wanted you to be happy you know that right?" Jonathon said, resting his hand on hers. 

She gave him a soft smile, every time he still touched her, it made her feel warm and safe and she just wanted him to hold her in his arms again. "I am glad your happy Jonny, you were always pretty good!" Carla stated, grabbing his hand nostalgically, these moments made her feel the same warm tingles she always had, the feelings only he brought out in her.

"How do you know I'm happy, I'm only really happy when I'm playing on stage, drunk, stoned or talking to you, like old times!" Jonathon truthfully stated with a chuckle, his own hazel eyes seeming to sparkle under the dull light of the hotel room, the light caught his face and Carla couldn't help think how age had seemed to only make him more charming and handsome.

"I guess were still too alike then!" She giggled. 

"What you only feel happy playing on stage, drunk, stoned and taking with yourself?" Jonathon teased. 

"No you i***t, but my keyboard and a microphone makes me happy and I guess talking with you!" She chuckled. 

"I know love!" Jonathon smiled and Carla took a sip of her glass, almost choking when he called her 'love' they often slipped up and called each other the nice things they had before all the trouble and it was refreshing, but she hadn't heard him say it so lovingly in a long while or simply hadn't noticed, it had been a good few years since a tour though, even though she judged the wording of a good few years, it had been more of a bad few than anything. 

"Lets do what we do best!" Carla smirked, turning her head and staring at him, different things running through her mind as the alcohol started lowering her usual wisdom and the lines of what was right and wrong blurred more. 

Jonathon felt shivers up his spine, good shivers, did she mean what he thought, what he hoped "What?" He stammered, gulping and looking stunned.

"Get drunk!" Carla laughed "What did you think?" She asked tilting her head. 

"Get stoned!" He lied forcing a grin, disgusted his mind had gone dirty so quickly, he was supposed to be a remarried man.

"Lock the door and find a lighter while I top up our glasses then or are you getting too old to do that!" Carla teased, so happy he was staying for longer. 

"Of course and I can easily show you I might be aging, but I am aging like your favourite fine wine!" Jonathon smiled getting up and doing a joking bow and then hurrying off, he suspected things were feeling a little too much like old times, but he couldn't bring himself to leave. She was going through something more than she was letting on and she needed him, deep down he knew he needed her too, his own life was more lies than he cared to admit "You haven't drank too much already, you don't want to over drink!" Jonathon said concerned for her well-being and thinking he had to say something. 

Carla laughed "Jonathonny darling, all the cocaine made me feel as sober as an ex-alcoholic!" She winked "Now cheers to us!" She smiled holding her glass up. 

Jonathon smiled and gave a small laugh, picking his glass up and holding it close to her "Cheers to all our f**k ups!" he grinned. 

"I'll drink to that, drink the regrets away, I have enough to fill a whiskey factory!" She said trying to sound like she was joking as she clinked his glass and knocked back some of whiskey in a few quick gulps.

Jonathon did the same, almost drinking the whole glass, regretting the most, letting himself lose Carla in the past, she really was and always would be the woman of his dreams and he hated himself for losing her in the first place and felt like he wasn't able to be enough for her, he always knew she was too good for him. 

The night continued on though, hours ticking away like sands in the hourglass and the two continued to drink until they were both a lot more drunker, slightly slurring their words, laughing and chatting about old times and finding humour in silly things they fought about, mostly the things they felt brave and safe enough to bring up, also rehashing stories of their years with the band as well, funny stories about the bandmembers that had come and gone and the alcohol seemed to bring a lot more of their feelings to the surface "I always hoped you would find someone who could love you more than I do!" Jonathon smiled, holding her hand. 

"I think that's impossible, at least you found someone though!" She sadly smiled, squeezing his hand "When I used to get mad with you, I used to think I could never find a man worse than you when you drank!" Carla sighed laughing in irony "Now you seem to be just a flawed Romeo when I look back, I wasn't that easy to live with either and we were both a nightmare once we started on all the hard stuff, then the constant touring as the band blew up, I guess pressure doesn't always make diamonds, it can just crush them no matter how strong they seem!" She added, not wanting to sound soppy even though the sadness was drifting into her words. 

"You were always my Ophelia!" Jonathon smiled, wrapping his arm around her. 

"Its Juliet stupid, Ophelia was with Hamlet and killed herself!" Carla exclaimed hitting his arm and laughing. 

"f**k, sorry, I never liked reading!" He laughed, shaking his head "I meant that one anyway, my Juliet or if we were going by the bible bashers, my Delilah!" He teased and she shook her head.

"My Jekyll and Hyde then, you sure couldn't be my Samson, because I never would want to hurt you, I'd more likely let you hurt me!" She chuckled until her laughter faded into a saddened smile but she quickly changed the subject, she never wanted to be seen as vulnerable, it was embarrassing to her "I should know more book stuff anyway since when I used to get ill Serena would read them to me. Serena made me educated about all that babble actually!" Carla smiled, thinking warmly about her beautiful bandmate who was also her best friend, she had been with the band and up and down through many hardships too, almost as long as Carla had been "I always thought romances were too far fetched though, well some anyway, we were like that old movie 'Days of Wine and Roses!""

"So your saying I made you drink?" Jonathon laughed, knowing the movie too well. 

"Life did Jonathon, what chance did we ever have? We rushed marrying for my Mum really and because I was so impulsive everything was like one thing after another, then I lost her when we were newlyweds and that devastated me, I gave up so much and you know all the rest, it affected you just as much!" Carla stammered. 

"Don't cry Carla, you were young and grieving, we did the best we could, we both did, even though I could have done better!" 

"No I didn't Jonathon!" She argued, sniffling. 

"Stop it, I hate seeing you cry!" He sighed, cupping her face, he knew how when she drank she sometimes got extra emotional, it was the only time he saw her cry and still made him sad, she had never gotten over the past, he wouldn't either but he knew certain things had hurt her more than him and he wished he could change the past and take away her pain, he just wanted to hold her, but didn't want to cross the lines, but he did want to cross the lines if she wanted him too.