DELULU

Until now, it has been a while I set my eyes on a man and did not want to take my eyes off him. Usually, I see a somewhat fine man and I literally do not care enough to want to take another glimpse. My friends think I am weird. Tonya thinks I should become a nun, Stacy thinks I need to see a therapist, Nancy tried setting me up with her lesbian friend and I had to let her know that I was not interested in women. It is not like I have not found men I fancy. I have seen many but a man is a man. I just do not get the idea of falling in love with a man and letting him ruin my life after his love for me runs out. You might think I have a toxic view of love. I do not think I do, I just do not want my heart to be broken. Men do not entice me, but the man I just set my eyes on a few minutes again does not disgust me as much. The fact that I want to turn to get a glimpse of him again is so weird to me. I take out my phone to open my period tracker application to see if I am ovulating and I find out my ovulation ended 1 week ago. So what is this feeling? I take in a deep breath and decide to take one last look at him before I leave the building. I turn to face the light blue walls at my right-hand side, and he is gone. Nowhere in sight. I sigh audibly and whisper “thank God” before I walk out of the bank building. I get out of the building and something in me tells me to scout the environment for this man. “Noir, what is wrong with you”, I hear my inner voice asking me. I do not even know what to answer, but I think that gets me back to my senses. I walk to my car and drive out of the building without scouting for anybody. “Now, you are talking” my inner voice says.