The broken Alpha - Healed by innocence

Back to back

*Chase*

With the early evening shadows moving in, I lean against the wooden beam of Wade’s front porch and stare at Callista, standing at the corral, talking with my brother. Talking, smiling, occasionally laughing.

I have never before heard her sweet laughter. It sounds as innocent as she is.

“Would you like something to drink?” Briony asks me.

Without taking my eyes off my mate, I wrap my fingers around the glass of lemonade Briony offers. “My brother seems to have become quite the ladies’ man.”

“He’s not a threat to her,” Briony says softly.

I jerk my head around. “And you think I am?”

“She thinks you are.” She says.

“Damn, I don’t know how she can think that. I haven’t touched her since the day I married her.” I mumble.

She sighs. “How often have you called her by name since you were married?”

“What’s that got to do with anything?” I ask.

“We have been here since dawn, and never once did I hear you speak her name. A she-wolf likes to hear her name from time to time.” Briony says.

I blow out a breath. “Her name gets tangled in my tongue.”

“Her name isn’t that much different from mine, and you never have any trouble with it.” She says.

“It’s a hell of a lot different. Your name is soft. Her name is... hard... like a stack of wood.” I mumble.

Briony smiles. “I like her name.”

“Well, I don’t.” I huff.

She hits my arm, and the lemonade sloshes over the glass onto my hand. I step back. “Goddammit!”

She hits me again. “Then call her something else.”

“Like what?” I ask.

“Sugar bunch.” She grins.

I grimace.

“Sweetheart, darlin’.” She suggest.

“I can’t see words like that rolling off my tongue, or her liking it.” I mumble.

Briony gives me a pointed look. “Then find a word that will, but call her something.”

“Why? She’s never said my name either.” I know I am getting defensive.

“You’re acting like a two-year-old.” She says.

I feel like a fool, watching my mate with another man, looking as though she was enjoying herself when she has never enjoyed a single moment of my company.

Briony rubs my arm. “I’m sorry. It’s really none of my business. I just want to see you happy.”

“I will be as soon as I get my son.” I mumble.

A sadness washes over her features. “Is a son so important to you?”

“Yes. It’s the only unfulfilled dream I have left.” I say.

“Why did you have love and cherish removed from your marriage vows?” She asks.

I shift my gaze to the glass of lemonade, the truth as bitter as the drink in my hand. “I’m not an easy man, Briony. I know that. Love isn’t something she is likely to give me. Didn’t see any point in asking her to take a vow she couldn’t keep.” I hand the glass back to her. “We need to get going before darkness settles in.” I step off the porch.

“You don’t give yourself enough credit,” she says softly.

With a sad smile, I glance back at her. “Seems I gave myself too much. If I told her she could leave and I would still keep my fence pulled back, she would be gone before the first star came out.”

*****

I cross my arms over the top railing and stare at the stars. Spending the day with my brother's family sharply brings home just how much is missing from my own life: not only my son, but the warm glances Wade and Briony exchanged throughout the day that revealed the depth of their love for each other without a single word being spoken.

I don’t expect Callista to ever look at me the way Briony looks at Wade: as though he hung the moon and stars.

If I were a kind man, I would set Callista free, send her back to her father without ever knowing the complete taste of her mouth, the feel of her flesh within my palms, the sound of her cries of passion as I make love to her.

But I’m not a kind man. I want to kiss her again, more deeply than before, my mouth devouring hers. I want to skim my hands over her breasts, across her narrow waist, and along her slender hips. I want to hear her gasps, sighs, and moans.

I want her in my bed… I groan in frustration. She is already in my bed. My problem is that I don’t know how to get myself back into my bed without knocking on her door and seeing the fear reflected in her eyes.

I have thought about slipping into her room in the dead of night, nuzzling her awake, trailing kisses…

“Chase?”

I swing around at the hesitant lilt of Callista’s soft voice. She had come to my study shortly after we returned home to get my catalog. I had hoped she would browse through it in my office, but she had just grabbed it and scurried out like a frightened rabbit. I haven’t seen her since, had assumed she had gone to bed… without me once again.

I cross my arms over my bare chest and wish to the Goddess my feet weren’t bare. I feel naked and exposed and I choose to clothe myself in anger. “What are you doing out here?”

“Blaise told me to come talk to you.” She says.

First Briony. Now Blaise. It seems my whole family is intent on nudging the she-wolf toward me. Unfortunately, I want her to come of her own accord.

Cautiously, she eases closer to the corral and runs her finger along the railing. “I see you out here often. Do you have trouble sleeping?”

“I just got a lot on my mind.” I say.

“Like what?” She asks.

How pretty your eyes are. How soft your skin looks. How sweet you smell. How much I want to hold you.

“My brand. I need to change it.” I mumble.

“Why?” She asks.

Because I haven’t held a she-wolf in years, not since Briony.

“Because the symbol isn’t right anymore.” I say.

“What happened to change it, to make it wrong?” She asks.

Destiny.

“When I first bought this land, I used a C for Chase. When Briony agreed to marry me, I added a B. I made it lean against the side of the C so the letters were joined. Only she and I aren’t joined. You and I are, so I need to change the symbol, but your name doesn’t lend itself well to leaning against the C. To Cs just look like a weird sign if put together so I’m trying to figure out how to put them together so they look like themselves and not something else.” And rambling like an i***t in the process.

She holds my gaze in the moonlight. “Did you love her?”

“Who?” I ask, slightly confused.

She lowers her lashes. “Briony. Did you love her?”

I brush my thumb and forefinger over my beard. I have never stopped to ask myself that question. Maybe I should have. “I was fond of her. She added a grace to my life while she was here, but no, I didn’t love her. Not the way Wade did then; not as deeply as he does now.”

“They seem happy.” She says softly.

“I reckon they are.” I tell her.

She steps on the bottom rung of the fence. Her toes curl around the wood. I think about touching my bare foot to hers, rubbing my sole along her delicate ankle.

Pulling herself up, she leans against the corral. In the shadows of the night, I can see the curve of her breasts pressing against her wrapper. A deep ache surges within me, the desire to slide that wrapper off her shoulders, to cup her breasts, to feel her soft skin against my rough palms. I dig my fingers into my arms to stop them from reaching out to her when she looks so peaceful.

“I think back to back would work,” she says softly.

Back to back? She's incredibly innocent. Back to front might work, though I would much prefer front to front. I have never known a she-wolf as tall as she is. Pressed against her, I think I would find very little of myself not warmed by her flesh. Thigh to thigh. Hip to hip. Chest to chest. My shoulders might come a little higher than hers, but that’s a minor detail I can live with.

She glances over at me. “Riley calls me Callie. I prefer it to Callista, so you see, two C’s back to back might work.”

“Two C’s? Back to back?” I snap my head back, gasping for breath. “My brand. You’re talking about my brand.”

“What did you think I was talking about?” She asks.

I give her a jerky nod. “The brand. I thought you were talking about my brand.”

She angles her head as though she doesn’t quite believe me and wants to figure out exactly what I was thinking. I shove my sweating hands into my trouser pockets. “Why does he call you Callie?”

“When he was a baby, Callista was too hard for him, so he just started calling me Callie. I never liked Callista but we don’t get to choose our names... or our families.” She explains.

I imagine in the last week, she has learned more about her family than she had cared to know. Wade has told me what he had overheard in my office, and it had taken every bit of restraint I could muster not to pay the Windscar’s a visit. I had cursed Wade long and hard for making me give my word that I would pretend I didn’t know what had transpired before Wade had ever told me what had.

“I heard Blaise and Briony call you Callie. I could call you that if you want.” I say, feeling myself holding my breath.

“I would like that.” She says softly.

I breathe out and nod. “Fine. I will see about putting two C’s on our brand.”

She tilts her face toward the stars. “What happens to your men when they take a mate and get married?”

Like the length of her body, her throat is long and slender. I step closer to the corral and rest my elbow on the top railing so I can see her more clearly. “They don’t get married.”

“Never?” She asks.

“Not a ranch hand. If a man wants a family, he’s gotta save up his pay, purchase some land, and start his own small pack so he’s got a place for his family to live.” I explain.

Her eyes grow wider. “Doesn’t that seem sad to you?”

“Never thought much about it. That’s just the way it is. A cowboy knows that from the beginning.” I say. I reckon it might be different in the cities.

She seems to contemplate my answer. I wish I knew what she was thinking, I wish I knew what she would do if I put a foot on the railing, cupped her fragile face in my wide hands, and kissed her.

I have the right…

She diverts her attention away from the stars. “Blaise is going to town in the morning. Can I go with him?”

I ignore the jab to my pride because she prefers to travel into town with my brother. I would have happily taken her if I had known she wanted to go. “You’re not a prisoner here. You can do anything you want. You don’t have to ask my permission.”

“I can do anything?” she asks.

“You can’t move back home,” I quickly answer, certain her thoughts were about to head in that direction. Fearing that would be what she wants.

She jerks her chin up slightly, almost defiantly. “You claim to give me freedom, but then you limit the choices, which takes away the freedom.”

“Callie…” I swallow.

She steps off the railing. “Thank you for giving me permission to leave with Blaise tomorrow.”

She strolls away. I want to grab her, pull her back to me... and kiss her until neither one of us has any choices.