Everything You Are

SUMMER WASN’T SUPPOSED to be like this. Well, I did envision a part of it to be like this; you know, the warm sandy days, the underage drinking and the scandalous hookups but just not with Xavier Santos. We were never supposed to end up like this.  It first happened on the annual Sharma Foundation charity night that always took place at the estate, hosted by my parents. The Santos was always invited and our families had always been close, dating back to my dad’s college days and having Diego Santos, now one of California’s biggest real estate developers, as his roommate at Harvard. The tight relation between the Sharmas and the Santos was by default. Thus, Xavier and I had known each other since we were kids. I guess it was just waiting to happen. There was always something unsaid between us that we always managed to suppress and tucked away. It was no secret we found each other appealing. Xavier was very much easy on the eyes. It’d make sense for both of us to be together since our families have known each other for so long and both of us attending one of California’s prestigious private schools together. But I don’t think either of us was ever ready for the destruction that waited for us in the end.  Xavier and I together just was never a good idea and we both knew that.  That summer, I hadn’t heard from Casper Park since the last day of junior year. It didn’t matter though and I didn’t really care because he was spending the summer in Korea and I’d walk through hell before I ever go through a long-distance relationship, or thing -- whatever it was. Call it a break, I guess. We weren’t the only ones too since Ella Martinez broke up with Xavier yet again. This was a regular thing on their end; the on-and-off nature of it all. So, when Xavier showed up alongside his parents at the charity night, clad in a crisp suit and his usually unruly, windswept hair pushed back neatly with a strand falling over his brow, I wasn’t surprised that Ella wasn’t standing beside him. I watched him enter through the grand double door of the manor from the glass doors that separated the foyer and the grand living room. He entered the estate with such bravado, it’d be hard to miss him and it wasn’t like you wanted to miss him anyway. He was devastatingly handsome. Xavier was a renaissance painting brought to life; his dark, wavy jet black hair a painter would spend hours on perfecting on canvas with his tan, sunkissed skin from the days he spent playing soccer under the Californian sun, accompanied by those soft yet tempestuous caramel eyes. Xavier was never a stranger to his own good fortune. It’s in his last name, anyway. Santos. Saint. It acted as a constant reminder and in many ways, he lived up to it. How godly he looked amongst us mere mortals, almost invincible with a gold crown sitting at the top of his head like the young god he was. People loved the Santos family anyway. They had billions to their name with luxurious properties making most of California and they were generous donors to the Sharma Foundation.  Our families always looked good together.  We stood in front of the doors as the photographers took our photos, our families standing aside each other with wide smiles on our faces. The paparazzi were having a field day, with what, a guest list filled with the most influential people on earth and our families being the vanguard of the annual event.  I mostly spent events like these at the bar, if my friends weren’t already globetrotting for the summer. Since it took place at home, my parents didn’t mind if I had a glass of champagne or two. Not like they would notice anyway since they were busy schmoozing their guests and entertaining everyone. Xavier would be most likely talking to his dad’s business partners or mingling with college deans as if he needed any help for his college application.  He retired to the bar and I felt his fingertips and the coldness of the rings that adorned his fingers against my bare back as he stood next to me, asking the bartender for a glass of bourbon.  “Stunning as always, Sharma,” He said as a greeting, shooting me a grin, eyeing the dress that draped over my body. Oh, it definitely did not go amiss. His eyes moved slowly from the thin, spaghetti straps of the silk red dress, down to the high slit that exposed the side of my leg. “Careful, now,” I told him as I gingerly lifted the champagne flute in my hand, maintaining our heavy eye contact as I puckered my lips against the rim of the glass, attracting his attention to my mouth. I took a sip and smiled softly, “Don’t stare too hard. It’s Versace.”  He leaned his elbow on the counter as the bartender handed him his drink. Xavier took a sip, the smirk hiding behind the crystal glass. “Doesn’t matter at the end of the day, does it? You take it off. It lands on the floor. Just a piece of fabric at the end of the day. What matters is what’s underneath it, right?”  I rolled my eyes at him and turned to face the scene in front of us. Extravagance littered the place. The high ceilings, the crystal chandeliers and bodies in designer mingling. I glanced over at him, seeing that he was still looking at me.  “You know, that mouth of yours is going to get you in trouble one day.”  Xavier chuckled, telling me it wasn’t something he didn’t know already. He leaned closer, his breath fanning my neck, getting a whiff of his Dior Sauvage perfume. I always liked how it smelt on him from the times we would walk past each other in the halls or how it gently lingered in the room every time he was around. It wasn’t suffocating but it was enticing, like silks sheets your skin begging to be smothered in.  “Pleasure and trouble often come hand in hand,” he whispered into my ear, like sinful temptation, sending my pulse into a frenzy. “But with you and me, they’re the same thing.” I remember the look he gave me that night. It wasn’t any different to the other looks he always gave me. It was just a matter if I fell for it or not. Usually, I’d find it easy to rip my gaze away from those eyes of his because he was just Xavier Santos, the boy too attractive for his own good and I was just Astrid Sharma, the girl who never gave a s**t about whatever boys had to offer.  Though, I managed to tell myself I wasn’t falling for anything because whatever Xavier was preparing behind that devilish smile on his face, I was going to be twice as good at his game.  After a few drinks, we somehow managed to find our way to the underground pool where the water was illuminated with a brilliant blue which was accompanied by the dazzling gold accents of the tiles. We stripped down to our underwear and took a dip into the heated water. Xavier and I were far from the public eye, the string quartet playing ever so softly in the background, you’d almost miss it.  We were engulfed in the steam of the warm water, encircling each other like two tango dancers. Drunk would be an understatement for our current state. He wore a boyish grin on his face as we joked and teased each other, our laughter evaporating along with the steam dispersing from the water.  “I’ve got a question for you,” He said as he swam closer to me.  Our bodies hesitated to move closer, like two magnets desperate to touch only to repel away from each other.  “Ask away, then.”  “Why haven’t we kissed yet?” Xavier asked and something wild sparked in his eyes because he knew he caught me off-guard. One single question made me think about his lips in a dark room and his hot skin against mine.  I scoffed and drifted closer to him, eyeing his mouth shamelessly and tracing my fingertip down his jawline. My lips hover above his, barely touching. The smell of bourbon, champagne and that perfume of his engulfed me like the steam that clouded us. My eyes flickered from his parted mouth to his eyes that gazed down at my mouth in anticipation.  “You know that’s never a good idea,” I floated back away from him, making him frown but the look in his wild eyes stayed.  Xavier laughed, shaking his head in disbelief, fumbling with the side of his cheek. He looked at me sideways, “Since when are you so careful about ideas being good or not? Last time I checked,” he paused as he coasted closer to me, putting one arm around my waist and tugging my body against his, making a sharp breath pass my lips. One corner of his mouth lifted higher than the other, pleased by my reaction. He continued, “You were never one to care about the consequences. Poor, poor Casper Park.”  I returned the smile, looking down at his chest, fondling with the pendant that hung around his neck, “I don’t know, Xavier. Somebody could get hurt.”  “Don’t you worry. I’ll never let anything happen to you,” He said, tucking a stray hair behind my ear, his fingertips hot against my skin.  I rolled my eyes and pushed myself away from him, swimming to the ledge of the pool, folding my arms on top of the tiles and said teasingly, “I’m not talking about me.”  And then he laughed and I could imagine the way he threw his head back, running his fingers through his wet hair. I trained my eyes on the ceiling; a mural my parents had painted of angels and the heavens above us.  “You don’t have to worry about me either,” His disembodied voice whispered huskily in my ear, making my skin shiver under the hotness of his breath.  In my peripheral vision, Xavier brushed his lips against the curve of my neck, gently kissing the water droplets off my skin. My body grew weak at every soft touch of his lips, making my back melt into his chest. I turned my face halfway as he kissed my jaw, his steady hands caressing my stomach.  Xavier pulled away to look at me, his eyes were a lot softer now as they searched mine. All rational thoughts were out of the window and all I could think about was his lips kissing my neck.  “Didn’t I say something about how that mouth of yours is going to get you in trouble some day?” I recalled as I spun around to face him fully. Now, his hands were clutching on the ledge of the pool, caging me between his arms.  The fire in his eyes returned. “I was hoping it’d be tonight,” he ducked his head lower so he could speak into my ear, whispering, “We both can’t keep ignoring this thing between us. I’m just curious on where we could go.”  I placed my hand over his chest and pushed him away from my ear, smirking up at him, “And it doesn’t take a genius to know to not play fire with fire.”  “Alright. And you’re right,” Xavier nodded his head and backed a good meter away, leaving some breathing space that I didn’t really need, “It’d be a terrible idea.”  I internally frowned. He knew what game I was playing. It’s like tug of war. The beauty of the game is that both parties want something and keeps pulling until the other gives in. He knew I wasn’t going to give in to his seduction that easily. I was Astrid Sharma for god’s sake. I liked making people work for it. It was more fun that way.  And I wasn’t ever going to let someone like Xavier get me that easily.  But, of course, that devilish grin on his face was one evil temptation that made it hard for me to hold onto my grounds.  “Bad ideas are always fun, though.” “Come here,” The look in his eyes flashed into a hungry one and before I could process anything else, he stepped towards me and clutched his hand around my neck just firm enough to arouse the heat in my core. I grinned at him sadistically as an invitation as Xavier hooked his other arm around my waist to lift me up, wrapping my legs around his torso before our lips found their way to each other. Between the heated water and our heavy breaths, I could only think about how his lips moved expertly and his hands holding my body in the right places. I’d be lying if I never thought about how it’d feel to hook up with Xavier Santos. You’d wonder how soft his lips were and how strong his hands held you.  And I’ll tell you this much: kissing Xavier was like treading the edge of the galaxy. That summer turned into one feverish blur. Flashes of hot skin, heavy breaths and endless rendezvous underneath the glimmering stars. I don’t know what it was but along the way, we lost ourselves in the bliss. Suddenly, we weren’t just hooking up. We were hanging out at cafes, heading to the beach and spending our days underneath the sun before kissing in the back of his Range Rover as the sun sets and coming back to each other’s houses just to watch movies. For a while, we were fooled by our own little game.  But we were always going to be Astrid Sharma and Xavier Santos. We could never exist together in peace. We were two hurricanes, hungry for destruction and chasing chaos after chaos until it was all we ever knew.  The week before senior year started, I knew we had to end this. It was even hard to convince myself that this was just one summer fling and that the entirety of it all was most likely to be nothing to Xavier. He was used to this and so was I but if I was feeling like this, was he?  The silver moonlight spilt through the curtains, pouring over us in its magnificent touch. I saw my reflection in the mirror across my bed. My hair was messy and the sheets clung onto my skin in desperation as I sat in the dim moonlight, trying to figure out what the hell was I even doing as Xavier slept next to me. My eyes traced over the sheets, seeing how it curved over his body, strategically covering parts of his body that I already have seen and admired.  I laid back down and faced him, seeing how the moon favoured his face. The light dipped into the curves of his impressive cheekbones and kissed the sharpness of his jaw ever so delicately with its silver touch. I could feel the warmth of his skin and smell his perfume that was all over my bed and now me too. It was a beautiful scent, enticing even, but it was starting to get dizzying.  Xavier stirred in his sleep, his eyes fluttering open before closing again and his arm wrapping around my waist to pull me into his chest. I gave in to his warmth, pressing my ear against his chest, hearing his heartbeat play in my head for one last time.  I savoured it because, in the morning, this would all be gone.