Progress

5. Realization

I knew from the very start that this marriage will never work, and yet there I am hopelessly waiting and hoping that it would work, since its Tania were talking about, the most gentle person I have ever encounter.

However, it was way worse than I thought it would, I would rather be hurt physically rather than my existence be ignored.

Every morning I would wake up, prepare breakfast for Tania, waiting patiently until Tania would join me, until I realized that Tania already left for school walking at the back door, my heart clenched with hurt, I never thought that I would rather go back at my parents household rather than letting my existence be ignored, I felt like a shadow in the dark, waiting for me to be noticed in this house. In our residence, yes I was being abused, but still I felt like I am needed, that I have a purpose in that house hold.

Until night arises I would always clean in the house, do the dishes, the laundry, never relaxing, always moving, I thought that if I would do all kinds of work, I will be appreciated .At night I would prepare our dinner, cooking with love and care, waiting expectantly to Tania, and yet she never came.

This was our daily routine, we are indeed living in a single roof, and yet we have never looked eye to eye, create a decent conversation and such, This went on for a month, until one night Tania come home drunk.

Tania stumbled in there doorway drunk. With a worried face I went to her rescue, lifting her inside.

"Oh! Huh, my lovely wife is here, How lucky?" Tania mocked, with a hint of sarcastic in her voice.

I didn’t mind it and concentrated on lifting her up in the stairs. I was pretty startled when Tania struggled from my touch making us fall in the floor.

"You!, Because of you she left me! All because of you, it’s all your fault" Tania said with a venom on her voice, I was hurt and tried to say something but decided to shut my mouth, Tania is drunk and I knew better than anyone to never argue with a drunk person.

Instead, I approached Tania and tried to lift her again, but was surprised by the sound of a hard slap

*Slap*" Don’t f*****g touch me with your filthy hands!!"Tania declared and stood up herself, walked upstairs and slammed her door hard.

With a blank face I stayed there standing, holding my tears, I didn’t want to admit it but, this is becoming a hobbit of Tania, it started when a news about Logan leaving this town to start a new life somewhere else two weeks ago

I never dared to tell anyone about Tania’s changed behavior, because who would listen to me? Who would listen to someone as me?

Quietly I entered my room locked the door, and let my tears fall; I cried and cried, until the tiredness consumed me. I knew that Tania, didn’t mean to do it, it’s not in her nature to hurt someone, it is because of me and this innocent little baby in my womb, Tania is becoming someone whom I cannot recognize and I cannot let my baby be involved in this kind of arrangement.

Suddenly an idea came at me, I can’t live like this, and so can my baby, I can’t let my child suffer the same fate as I am, I wish that my child would grew up with all the love she deserve, and that will never happen in this house hold, I want to build a place for her, a place where she can feel safe, a place only for me and her.

On a whim I packed all of my clothes, it’s not much but I still consider it as my own. With a heavy heart I glanced at our wedding photo proudly hanging directly in our doorway. I looked so happy beside me is Tania, Standing motionless in the picture. With a heavy sigh I opened the door, walked until I was out of the town.

Waiting at the bus stop, realization came down, all I have with me is a pinch amount of money stolen from Tania’s desk, my ring, and my child and I left. I am afraid, afraid of what to come, what if my life would worsen than it is right now? What would happen to us?

Not knowing what to do next makes me feel scared, all I know is that I want to escape from this run down town, and I will make sure to never comeback, not only for my sake but so for my child.

After a while the bus came, I boarded the bus not caring where is its destination, paid her fare, then Sat at the corner, closed her eyes, and hoped that things would get better.