Love Lost

Love. Some fear it, some never experience it and some use love as an excuse to hurt those closest to them. Being born into the Bratva as a woman, I was told very quickly that I would never experience love. I knew what was expected: marry, have children, die.  But that’s the funny thing about love. You don’t ask for it, at least not the kind that consumes you and you would die for, no that finds you all on your own. What would I do for love? Before I would have told you I never knew love therefore I protect me, myself and I first, but now, now I would do unspeakable things for a man who can never be mine. A man who will see me as nothing more than a means to an end. A man who could sleep with me one minute and kill me the next: Luca Petrov.      A tall blond walks out of Lucas office and I recall her name as Becca. She is still fixing her clothes as if it isn’t already clear to everyone what had been going on in that office. I had been sitting outside the door since Luca called 30 minutes ago and, against my best efforts, I had heard along with everyone else what had happened behind that door. As she walks towards me I turn my face to unreadable. “Cheyanne, I didn’t expect to see you here!” Her voice is all wrong, too high and too whiny. I’m sure she didn’t expect me here. I only work, breath, and sleep here but why would I be here? “Boss calls, I answer. How are you doing today ma’am?” Even I am amazed at how cold and detached my voice sounds. “Good, I should get going. Luca just needed me to help him… calm down.” With that she turns and leaves.     Here's the thing about love, once you think it has taken all it can take it takes more. Over the years I have watched Luca bed more women than I thought there were in Louisiana. And lucky me, I get to meet all of them. I walk into his office and pause at the door. I am a fully human woman and I can’t help but stare at his body. Rippled, tan abs doused in tattoos he is a sight. My water mouths just looking at him. His shirt hasn't been buttoned back up and his belt still hangs loosely in his belt loops. Staring at me, Luca’s smirk is that of I-dare-you-to-say-something. Over the years I have somehow managed to hide my love for him but that doesn’t make me any less his.      I walk over to him slowly waiting for him to make a move but he doesn’t, simply turns towards me in his chair as I walk around his desk and drop to my knees. The closer I am to him the more I can smell her on him. The soft flowery fragrance doesn’t match the stone cold killer he is. Slowly I fix Luca’s belt making sure not to fasten it too tight or too loose. After you spend years by someone's side, you learn things about them, like which belt loop they keep their belt on. Although now that I think about it I don't think that is normal. Luca reaches down and grabs my hand pulling me into his lap. It takes everything in me not to pull away. Not because I am scared, although I should be, but because all I can do is picture those hands on Becca. Him holding her down while f*****g her over the desk. As I settle onto his lap I avoid eye contact, but Luca grabs my chin and forces me to look at him. His mask is cold but over the years I have learned how to get past it.      “Say it” Luca’s voice is hard, laced with anger. I can tell that is an order and to ignore an order from my Pakhan is like being condemned to Hell, but I won’t tell him that I can’t stand being close to him because all I can smell is Becca. That is weakness. “I think there is a traitor among us.” Is what I finally manage to squeeze out. He pushes me off his lap and it's all I can do to not fall on my ass.  “Who?” Definitely anger.  “I think it’s Roman but I can’t be sure yet.” This time he stands right in front of me, grabs my neck and pushes me against the wall. Any other girl would run, but not me. This man owns me and if he decides I am better off dead then at least I will get to pick out my own casket. At six-six he has to bend down to whisper in my ear, “Find them and make them beg you to kill them.” “Yes, sir.” He eyes me and finally drops his hand. In one fluid motion he signals to his shirt. I drop my gaze and start to button up his shirt like the good little girl I am. My fingers accidently brush his skin and I hold back a shiver.  “You will take Malaki with you. Do whatever he says but keep him safe.” “Anything?” I questioned unsure if he knew what that would mean. Luca saw me as his possession and I’ll be damned if he shared even with his own son. As I reached the top two buttons he grabbed my hands, and following instinct I looked back up at him. When I looked into his eyes I could see that anger from earlier disappear and it filled with something scarier: lust.  “Do not make me repeat myself pet.” I dropped my eyes and quickly said, “yes sir.” He bent down and slowly placed kisses along my neck and collarbone. Slowly he pulled me over to his desk and sat in his chair. He threw me face down on his desk so my waist was positioned right in front of him. Wrong, this is wrong, is all I could think. Becca's smell still lingered but he had called me pet which meant he was in full Dom mode so if I was to disagree with him I would get punished.  See, over the past 10 years I have worked for Luca our relationship has been what some might call odd. With most of the women he slept with it was just a quick thing but everytime he slept with me he made it a point to prove he was my Master and I was nothing but a slave he owned. THats what our whole relationship was in and out of the bedroom: Master and Slave. I was pulled back to reality when I felt a firm hand on my ass. Slowly he gripped the edge of my pants and pulled them down in one fluid motion.  “You’ll never betray me, right pet.” It wasn't a question but he still expected an answer.  *SLAP* With not even my panties on his firm hand coming down on my cheek hurt a lot more than it should have. But pain wasn't the only thing I had felt from that slap. I also felt a tingle of pleasure. “Yes, sir.” I answered before he could hit me again.      The door flew open and in walked none other than Malaki Petrov. He shut the door behind him and sat in the chair opposite to his father. Malaki looked at me and smirked.  “Malaki, you will be with Cheyanne today. She is instructed to do anything you need.” That did nothing but increase Malakis smirk, his eyes not leaving mine he said, “Thank you Father.”  Luca kissed my now red ass cheek then stood up. I took this as a time to pull up my pants then bow to Luca and turn to Malaki. “How may I serve you today young master?” God, did I always sound so fragile. Get it together Cheyanne or he is going to eat you alive. “Oh I’m sure I can find you something to do.” Malakis smirk grew even further and I didn’t think that was possible. Luca took this time to interrupt his son's nasty thoughts of what he was going to do to me, “I need that rat found. If you're going to kill people, kill the troublemakers.” “Yes, father.” Malaki turned and proceeded to walk out of his father's office with me following behind him. As soon as we were out I turned and closed the door, Malaki continued to walk and I struggled to keep up with him. He got into the passenger seat of his brand new Camaro and waited for me to drive.      As I took off he turned towards me and just staired. “May I help you young master?” I asked, not revealing how nervous I was. “You are mine Cheyanne. Call me Master.” I didn’t feel the need to remind him that at some point his father was going to call me back and I would once again work directly under Luca instead. Malaki already knew that.  “As you wish, Master. Where to?” Even his light chuckle had me on edge, and I had met a lot of very powerful, very dangerous men but for some reason, unlike them, Malaki just made me nervous.  “Home.” “Master, If I may-” “You may not.” Cutting me off he tried to sound like his father ordering me, however he failed. He continued, “I have waited forever for my father to allow me to do whatever I want to you. And if he has kept you around this long you obviously know how to handle yourself in the sheets.” He was only 17, how long had he waited to screw me? “Yes, Master.” Was all I said because I knew better than to argue with him.      The rest of the drive was silent. Every time I stole a glance at him he had this creepy smile as he looked out the window. I couldn’t help the shiver that went down my spine. Just then in the silence of the car I hear his phone go off. “Yes” “s**t,” came his sinister voice after he hung up the phone. “Turn around Cheyanne. Go back to the wherehouse, we are under attack.”