Medic and the Wolf

I’m sitting on the bench in front of my locker, bent over with my elbows propped on my knees and my head in my hands. Taking deep breaths with my eyes shut, trying to calm myself. It was another hard day. You would think I'd be used to it by now.. but I’m not. I don’t think I’ll ever be used to losing a patient. I’m a Medic in a big city. I not only work on the ambulance answering calls, but I also have some specialty training for high angle rescue and water rescue, for having tall buildings and canals that run through the city. I have been doing this for almost ten years and loved every minute of it, until recently. When the virus hit.  I started this path wanting to help people when they couldn’t help themselves. Yes, I knew I wouldn’t be able to save everyone and I would lose patients. Not everyone can escape fate. It has never bothered me to this extent before. Before, I would say a silent prayer when I lost them or maybe shed a few tears. I always took solace in knowing I did my best, but fate had other plans for them.  But now.. now things are different, it’s harder, more torturous. It seems I’m losing more than helping all because of this virus.  “Kate.. Kate” I hear my name being called by my partner Steve.  He knows me the best since we have been partners for almost three years now. He knows I am having a hard time with the last call we just had. I slowly looked up to see him standing close to me. I try to give him a small smile to silently say “I’m OK”.  He doesn't buy it.  I heard him sigh as I looked up at his tall frame. He is six foot four muscular with wide shoulders. He has a bold head, an angler face, a straight nose and a strong jawline with baby blue eyes.  His face is full of concern.  As he sits next to me, he wraps a long arm around my shoulders, giving me comfort. I lean onto him as he tightens his grip. No words are exchanged, no words are needed. We both know the situation because we have been here many times before. After a bit, when he thinks I have calmed myself down enough, he tells me the Chief would like to see me. I look up at him with eyes slightly wide, as if he is reading my mind, he states “I don't know what it's about but he's in a mood as well”.  I huff, pull myself up and go wash my face.  As I look in the mirror I can't help but take into account how awful I look. I have bags under my eyes with dark circles, my pale face and dull eyes. I have an average body, not real skinny, but not fluffy either, with lean muscles. I splash cold water on my face and straighten my hair as best I can, even though it has a dull sheen to it now and my curls have become unruly.   I knocked on the Chiefs door before heading in. I approach his desk and he's looking down at some paperwork. He’s a short man overweight with brown hair and brown eyes.  I stand there silently waiting for him to finish and look up at me.  “Take a seat”  he says, clipped, knowing he's IN a mood himself. I do as instructed.  “How have you been feeling?”   I look at him with confusion in my eyes, not sure where this is heading to. Last time he asked me this he tried to put me on leave for a month so I can rest and recharge. He is a stern man but he does care for his crew's and tries his best to look after everyone, even if they want him to or not. Me, I’m on the not side and fought him on it last time… If he thinks he can try it again he has another thing coming. “I’m good Chief, how about you?” with a smile on my face, I made it as big as possible. As he closely eyes me, I know he knows I’m lying. He snorts, trying not to come out and laugh at me.  “We have all had better days. You and I are no exception. With that being said, I think you need a change of scenery.”  Before he could go on, I started to interject. He puts a hand in the air to stop me. “ This is not up for discussion.  I know you just had a brutal call with an outcome nobody would want. I know you did your best and pulled every trick out of your hat.”  His stern face and voice being replaced with a softer, more fatherly one, he continues. “This has nothing to do with your skills. You have excelled in training and even take extra training when you don't have to. At times it seems you're burning yourself at work.”  He sighs, his voice lower laced with concern. “I have noticed the changes in you, they are not all good. You have lost the spark and light you once had. The one we all looked to and admired. Soooo, this brings me to my designation, There is an opportunity for you to get the change and training you seem to be craving. I’m sending you down south. You will be getting wilderness training.” This is where I interrupt again.  “If you haven't noticed we live in a city, why would I need wilderness training?” I asked sarcastically with my face scrunched up like I had eaten a lemon.  “ You didn't let me finish again.” “Cause you're taking forever! You know I’m not one who can sit for this long no matter the subject.” “Yes cause you're impatient!” he put his hand up again for me to be silent. I look at him with my mouth opening and closing like a fish wanting to continue, but don't. He waits for me to huff, knowing I’ll be silent once more.  “ There is also high angle and water training, you will polish up what you already know and expand on it. I have to warn you it can be dangerous even with safety measures taken and you’ll NEED PATIENTS. This is non negotiable. I have already signed up. Here's the info you’ll need and all your accommodations.” As he passed me all the paperwork he was looking at when I came into the room, I had a surprised look on my face.  “Who will be going with me?” I asked, knowing we travel for training in small groups as a company.  “Noone”  I looked at him, not understanding.  “As I said, this training can be dangerous and it’s only for the best. Since you're the best that we have.. Hell best in the State, you’ll be going alone.”   I furrow my brow and purse my lips in concentration as I look at the papers again. As I skim through them I notice it’s a month long. Is this timeline right, I think to myself.  “Yes”, Chief states. I looked at him, not realizing I said it out loud. “ You will leave at the end of the week.” returning to the stern face and voice he first had when I walked in with him. At that, I got up and walked out not saying anything else.  I walked down the hall of the firehouse thinking about what had just happened. He has never ordered me or  signed me up for that matter for training before. He has always let me pick what classes or events I want to go to. Lost in thought, going over the papers again,       I heard someone clearing their throat. I look up and find myself standing in the crewroom.  It's a large room with a tv area with a 60 inch tv and plush leather couches and recliners. On the other half is an air hockey table, foosball and pinball machine. Hey, we have to blow steam off somehow. I‘M standing in front of the tv and some guys are trying to watch a football game. My cheeks slightly blush as I mumble an excuse-me. I hurried to get out of their way. I make my way to my usual seat next to the window that overlooks a small garden. I particularly like it in the springtime with everything in bloom with all the vibrant colors of the different flowers and bushes. It Gives me a calm, serene feeling. Sometimes I feel like I can be there forever.  A blaring horn sounds.. The station's alert system lets us know there's another call for us before the radio kicks in. We are all still listening to the radio to explain.. “ Engine 4,67,53, Latter 5,10 Medic 4 (that’s me) and Chief 4. Persons trapped on the 10th floor. Window washers.”  Everyone jumps up out of their seats and races to their turnout gear before getting on the truck. I secured my papers in my bag before heading to the ambulance. As I enter the bays where all the trucks and gear are stored, someone hands me my equipment bag for high angle. With a small smile, I take it from them as they say “ Just in case”.  I stow the bag in a side compartment before jumping in the ambulance. Steve is already there in the driver's seat waiting for me. As we race through the streets to get to where we are needed, Steve looks over at me a few times. I can see he wants to ask me about my meeting with the Chief. “ Latter” is all I say and he gives me a nod. I quickly look up the weather, more importantly looking for the wind conditions.  Great, I think a report of high winds today.  We arrive at the building parking so we don't get blocked in and can have a fast getaway if need be. We go to the command area and listen to the reports of the situation. I stand in the back listening. People seem to be confused about the best way to get up there. It is a 25story building, windows are large mirror finishes to them. That means they are thicker than normal office building windows. We are also told by the head maintenance guy the windows don't have emergency latches and we won't be able to open the windows. I scoff at this, causing attention to myself.  Everyone goes quiet and I look up from gazing at the floor.  Some man I have never seen before glares at me “ Is there something funny little one?”   I bristle at the “little one” comment. I slowly stand up and glare right back at him. I felt Steve pull my arm and give me a don't worry about this look".  I decide not to say anything, instead I grab binoculars and look up at the TWO people that are trapped. I groan, thinking it's going to be more difficult.  As they continued to bicker with each other, I formulated my own plan.  I walk over to my unit and grab my bag, I take all my equipment out and lay it on the ground lined up in a neat row. I check my rope,pins,wenches ect. Making sure everything is in good working order as I do before and after every use. I'm meticulous about it.    The man I have never seen before looms over me, casting a shadow over my area. I look up, he’s a tall man, approximately six feet two and slightly on the lean side. He has short hair and a grimace on his face. I continue what I’m doing, ignoring him. He scoffs at this and asks me what I think I’m doing. I gave him a duh look. His mouth turns downward into a frown.  “ Do you know how to acknowledge a superior officer girl?? I asked you a question..” “Do you always disturb everyone while they are checking their equipment? Or is this just for me?” I asked in return.   I continue with my equipment not expecting an answer. I stand up when I’m finished, and one of the young guys from my station brings me my turnout gear and helmet. The helmet has my station number 4 on one side and a silhouette of a man hanging from a rope with a river beneath him on the other side. That design is only for the few of us who specialize in high angle and water rescue. Yeah, sure there are a lot of guys who do one or the other, but only a select few do both, so they get their own.  I eye him as his gaze goes to the helmet. I see shock for a split second as recognition sinks in.  My Chief comes up to us at this time.  “So what's the plan?’’ I asked the Chief.  “ Well, I have a crew working on the windows two stories down from the victims. It’s gonna take a while to get through, but in the meantime you're going to be lowered down and secure the washer rig to stabilize it and assess them for any injuries.”  I gave the Chief a quick nod. I gathered all my equipment and a few more harnesses and pulleys just in case. Also, my special medical bag so I can treat minor injuries in the air.