The Swiss Escape

You keep your secrets and I will keep mine

Lana starts walking towards me. Great, she’s going to try and talk to me. I know Lana doesn’t speak English, which means there is a good chance. I will have no idea what she is saying.

“Alexander hat mir nur geholfen, Dennis in die Schule einzuschreiben. Wir werden viel mehr voneinander sehen.” Lana says in a smug voice. To my surprise, I understand more of what she said than I thought I would. According to Lana, Alex has enrolled her son in the school. So, it looks like she is sticking around.

With the politest smile, I can manage, “Glückwunsch,” which means congratulations. I walk past her and towards the school. I am making my way to Alex’s office. I want to know why Lana is still here and, more importantly, why she is staying.

I walk into Alex’s office. He looks flustered. “What did Lana want?”

He looks at me and shrugs, “nothing important. She just wanted to bother me.”

“Do you enroll her son in the school?” I want him to tell me she lied. That she is just trying to get under my skin, but he doesn’t.

“Yes, I did. Lana plans on moving here. Don’t worry. I didn’t put her son in your class.” Alex doesn’t look at me when he talks. Instead, he focuses on what’s on his desk.

“Were you not going to tell me?” I feel like this is a big deal. His ex, showing up, clearly wanting him back, enrolling her child in his school to see him every day doesn’t sit well with me.

Alex lets out a sigh and finally looks at me. “Here is not the place for such a discussion. We can talk about it after I take you home.”

“I’ll go get Kayla.” I turn and leave. While I walk to Kayla’s class, I contemplate just leaving and not waiting for Alex. I love Alex, but I don’t want to be an option. Maybe I am giving Lana to much credit. Alex has told me; he doesn’t remember why he loved her. That she wore him down, and that’s how they ended up together. What if that is her plan again? Would Alex fall for it?

The best way to answer those questions is to talk with Alex, but I don’t want to do it at home. We walk back to Alex’s office and wait for him to finish.

After we are in the car, I ask Alex if instead of my apartment, would he be willing to take us to the park near where I live. Alex agrees, and we arrive at the park. I let Kayla play and watch her closely while trying to calm myself to discuss Lana with Alex.

“Will you tell me what you and Lana discussed?” I try to keep my voice soothing. Hoping this breaks any tension.

Alex lets out a sigh, “She wanted my help. I told her I helped her enough. Lana asked if I would at least allow Dennis to attend school. He’s four, so it would be his last year. She was begging, so I said yes.”

“What happens when she keeps showing up? That’s how she got you the first time, right?”

Alex looks annoyed, “You’re bringing that up with me?”

“What am I supposed to think, Alex? She calls, you don’t tell me. She goes to your office; you don’t tell me. If I were not there when she waited for you in the parking lot, you probably wouldn’t have told me. You go off with her that day, I have no clue what you both talked about, but you assure me she’s gone. Then today, she shows up again. She already has said she wishes you were single. I think I have the right to be concerned.”

“I don’t find her important enough to discuss.” Alex just shrugs me off.

I stare at Alex feeling anger rise in me. “If we were in reversed roles, would you still feel that way?”

Alex lets out a scoff, “Do you not trust me?”

“I don’t trust anyone, especially myself.” I let out a sigh.

Alex looks at me, angrily. “I didn’t want you to feel threatened. That is why I didn’t tell you. Do we have to tell each other everything? Can we not keep somethings to ourselves? Maybe I should’ve told you about Dennis enrolling, but I didn’t feel it was important. He won’t be near you or Kayla, so that means Lana won’t be near either of you.”

“We don’t have to tell each other everything. Keep your secrets, Alex, and I will keep mine.” I pretend to check the time. “I need to go. Kayla will need dinner soon.” I turn to leave, but Alex stops me. “I don’t want to talk anymore. You made your point clear.”

“Kamryn, I love you, why isn’t that enough.”

“Because those are words, Alex. They are beautiful words, and I enjoy hearing them, but they are just words. There is no action behind them. Another man told me he loved me and broke me down until I felt like I was nothing. He cheated on me while I was pregnant, then told me I was no longer attractive after having his child. But he still said he loved me. He had a girlfriend and multiple one-night hookups, but he still said he loved me. He would scold me and mock me, but still said he loved me. So, no, Alex, those words are not enough. I want to see you love me.”

Alex runs his fingers through his hair. “What do you want me to do? Ignore her? Tell her that Dennis can’t be a student at the school because my girlfriend doesn’t like it? I’m sorry I can’t just turn my back on her, we were together for three years.”

“And we have only been together a couple of months.”

“Do you remember what I said when we were at my house? I told you I loved you and only you. That hasn’t changed. I loved Lana at one time, or at least I think I did. Maybe I loved the idea of having someone, but I feel differently about you. There is no doubt in my mind that I love you.”

“What about when she tries to get you back? I heard her tell you that she hoped you were single.”

Alex wince, “I’m not single, and she knows that. I don’t know what else to say or do to convince you my feelings are real. I love you, and only you. What do you want me to do?”

“I don’t know. I want honesty and openness. If I ask you a question, don’t brush me off.” I look at Alex, “Can you do that?”

“Kamryn, you can’t expect me to tell you everything.”

“Fine, Alex.” I turn away from him, “keep your secrets, Alex. Keep your secret meeting with your ex. Do whatever you want with her. I will keep my secrets.”