The Swiss Escape

Fritz

I hear Alex call my name as I’m about to walk into the building. He’s running up to me. When he reaches me, he starts speaking, “Kamryn, I’m sorry. I don’t feel anything for her but pity. I loved her once, or at least I think I did. I loved the person she presented to me. It’s different than you. Schatzi, you are not an idea or a facade. You are real. I don’t want to lose you. Lana broke my life into pieces once. I will not let her do it again.”

I stare at him for a moment. I’m not convinced he doesn’t love Lana. She’s much prettier than I am. They also have history, something I can't compete with; we have only known each other for less than a year. Letting out a sigh, I tell him, “We have a lot to discuss. Why don’t you come upstairs and stay for dinner?” We walk upstairs to my apartment.

I immediately start cooking dinner while Kayla plays with a tea set Mila got her for Christmas. Alex is standing close. I know he’s waiting for me to start talking—this time, I want him to volunteer the information. I don’t want to drag it out of someone. If this is how our relationship will be, then maybe we shouldn’t be in one.

Thinking back to Johnny, he would hide things from me, and I just accepted it. Not now. I don’t want to be kept in the dark or blindsided by a crazy girlfriend showing up out of nowhere. If Alex can’t be honest with me, then I can't give him my heart.

“I should have told you about Lana enrolling Dennis in the school. Keeping it from you only made the situation worse. You asked if I would be okay if we were in reversed roles, the answer is no. I would be angry and hurt by your lack of honesty. Anything that affects our relationship, I should tell you about, and I’m sorry.” He pauses for a moment. “Schatzi, I told Lana to stay away from us. Those were the terms of me allowing Dennis into the school. She can’t go near you or Kayla. I also told her I didn’t want to see her at drop off or pick and she wasn’t allowed to come by my office.”

“I saw Lana walking out of school. She approached me. She said, you enrolled Dennis into the school, so it looks like she will be around for a while. It was all a play in getting you back. To be honest, I feel like she will succeed, and you will leave me for her.” I don’t look at Alex. I just focus on chopping vegetables for a stirfry.

“Why do you believe that? What have I done to make you feel I would choose her? I love-“

I interrupt Alex. I’m tired of this game. Spinning around to look at him, I say, “You have already picked her over me more than once. How many times have you asked her to leave, and she hasn’t? But you still keep helping her, because you can't just ignore her. You were with her for three years. She has manipulated you this entire time, and you have done nothing-“

Alex interrupts me this time, “What makes you think I don’t know that? Do you think so little of me that I would fall for her tricks a second time?”

“You already have! You gave her a ride, a hotel room, and enrolled her kid in school! She’s already wormed her way in, and you let her because you still feel something for her. I can’t compete with that.” I turn back around and continue chopping.

I start putting the vegetables in the pan. “There is nothing to compete with Kamryn. I love you, only you. How do I make you see that? Tell me, and I will do it. These past couple of months with you…they were the best of my life. Being with you, it's hard to describe how it makes me feel. But I always want to be around you. I want to make this right, just tell me how.” I still won't look at him. He picked her over me more than once. He tries to deflect when I ask him questions. He will most likely do it again. Then what am I to do? If I break it off now, it’s on my terms. If I wait until he cheats with Lana, it's on his. “Schatzi, please, talk to me. Tell me what you need.”

“I think we need to end things. I’m not going to wait around until you cheat and dump me. I care about myself too much to put myself through that again.”

“You’re assuming I will cheat on you. I wouldn’t. I’m not your ex-husband.” His comment hurt. “I shouldn’t have said that. It was unfair. I wouldn’t cheat on you, if I ever did something like that and lost you…I wouldn’t forgive myself. You asked if Lana was the one that got away once. She isn't, but if I lost you. You would be.”

I turn to face him. I can see the desperation in his eyes. Shaking my head, “Alex, I-“

“I told you I loved you the first night we ever spent together. I whispered it because I wasn’t ready for you to hear it. The day I interviewed you was the day my obsession with you started. When you were walking by the school that day, I knew I needed to get to know you. I lied to you about knowing the teachers on a personal level. I just wanted to know you. When you were outside with the children, I would watch you. The day Mila called me to tell me you were going to the tree farm, I asked her which one and went there. I knew then I had love for you. When I took you to the market that night, I realized I was in love with you. It took Lana four months to convince me to go on a date with her, then six months for me to tell her I loved her. It wasn’t like that with you.” Alex steps closer to me; his arms wrap around my waist. Leaning in, he gives me a light kiss. “It took Lana almost a year to make me fall in love with her. You took weeks. I wouldn’t cheat on you with Lana or anyone; I shouldn’t have picked her over you. When I realized my mistake, I came to you.” 

I turn away and check the food. Alex takes the hint and steps back. “Alex, there are a number of things I can’t do since I ran away with Kayla. I will never be safe. I can never give you what you want. I’m always going to be looking over my shoulder, scared that he’s going to show. She can marry you, and you won't have to live with constant paranoia. If we got married it would put a target on your back.”

“Do you think I want to get married?”

“You said you were thinking about marrying Lana at one point. I just assumed you would want that.”

“Schatzi, it’s not a paper, or name on your passport, or even a ring that tells me what you mean to me. I wanted to marry Lana because she wanted it. I don’t need reminding that I’m yours.”

I feel the tears in my eyes. My heart aches. I feel conflicted and scared. “I feel fragile, Alex. Like it would take much to break me completely.”

“You are not fragile, Kamryn. You moved to the other side of the world with your toddler to escape an abusive situation. We all have our scars, Schatzi. Mine is just as bad. To support Lana, I sold some of my grandfather’s things I inherited after he died. He collected watches, and it was worth a lot. I sold them for much less than their value. All the money went to them. The house I own, I bought to be a good father. I thought if I showed her I was good enough, she would come back. But she just used me again and again until I had nothing. I could barely afford food, I racked up major credit card debt and didn’t have any furniture in my house. What furniture the house came with, I sold. I don’t want to give up anything else for them.”

Tears were streaming down my cheeks, knowing what Alex went through hurts me. He’s a good man. Alex wants to do the right thing. Instead of seeing him for who he is, I tried to protect myself. Making sure the food is okay for a moment, I walk to Alex. Placing my hand on his cheek, I kiss him. “Did you bring clothes?”

Alex smiles, “I have a bag in the car, along with a couple of other things. After you put Kayla to bed, I would love to show them to you.” I smile.

Alex’s phone starts to ring. He grabs it and frowns. “What’s wrong?”

He looks back up to me, “Fritz is calling me.”

“Are you going to answer?”

“Do I have too?” I can't help but laugh at Alex’s expression. He looks like a child that didn’t want to brush their teeth.

“You can screen it. Let it go to voicemail and see what your brother wants.”

“That’s brilliant. Did you come up with that, or is it just something you heard?”

I feel a little sadness, “when I was living with my grandparents in Texas, they screened all their calls. If they didn’t leave a message, they just assumed it was a telemarketer. So that’s where I learned it.” I don’t talk with any of my ‘family’ now. They could all be dead, and I would not have any idea. When Jen’s parents adopted me, my blood family cut all contact.

“I don’t like that your childhood was so hard. You didn’t deserve it.” I look over at Kayla in the living room. She’s feeding one of her dolls imaginary food from a plate in her tea set.

“That’s why I obsess about Kayla so much. I want her to have a good childhood. To remember, her mom was always there for her. That she has a place to call home.” I look over at Alex. I can tell he’s watching me closely.

“You’re one of the best mothers I know. You juggle life, work, and a child on your own. It’s impressive.”

“You don’t see all of it. I have my moments where I lose my temper; I have moments when I think about running far away; I have moments where I don’t care how clean the house is. I do know that when I get to those points, I need to step back. Putting Kayla to bed early or allowing her to watch television is better than me yelling and screaming.”

His phone beeps. “I am going to check the voicemail if that’s okay.”

“Yeah, of course. Do you want to go to my room?” He nods and heads to my room. I finish dinner and wait for Alex; I’m starting to worry since he’s been gone so long.

Suddenly I hear yelling. Alex is talking to someone in German, and by his tone, he doesn’t sound happy. When he finally comes out of my room, he looks angry. “Is everything okay?”

He just shakes his head. I can tell he needs time to cool off. We eat dinner.

While I get Kayla ready for bed, Alex does the dishes. When I come out, he is putting the last bowl on the drying rack. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“He called to say he and my parents are coming down to get Lana and that I better stay away from her. That he knows Dennis has enrolled in the school, and he is going to make a formal complaint. I informed him that I’m with someone and have no interest in Lana. That I advised against his enrollment, but she pushed. Then my mother got on the phone. Asking how could I betray my brother.” I can see the hurt on Alex’s face.

“So, she scolded you for the thing your brother did?” Alex nods. “I heard you yelling.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know I was that loud. I was listening to the voicemail, and Fritz called over and over. I finally answered and said I couldn’t talk that I was with my girlfriend. That we were about to eat, and I didn’t have time for them. That caused a bigger argument. I shouldn’t have said I didn’t have time for them. But after everything they have done, I think I should be allowed to be angry. Fritz had an affair, got her pregnant, scammed me, then convinced my parents I’m unstable, and to top it off, they invited me to their wedding. My parents called me a bad son because I didn’t go. Four years later, they call accusing me of having a secret relationship with Lana to get back at Fritz. My mother called me a derogatory name, so I told her she was a terrible mother. Then my father got on the phone. That’s when the yelling started.” I can see the betrayal on Alex’s face. His family hurt him.

“What happens now?” Alex just shrugs.

“I don’t know. I don’t know what my family is planning. If they show up at the school, I can have them removed. I just don’t know if I can do that to them. Even after everything, they are still my parents. Something in me cares about them.” I can hear the confusion in his voice. He feels torn.