THE LOST LETTERS

I continue to stack the pile of irrelevant newspapers unto the box, the excess newspaper paper will be permanently be hidden as father mentioned it might holds an information that could be use in time and probably could make our family risen out of slums. Every corner of the house piles papers, worn and new, being devoured mostly by big rats dwelling in every wall of our home—i didn't endulge my suggestion further to just throw it away. After sorting paper out, i went downstairs holding the lamp as the night slowly approaching, now and then trying not flip, my feet stepping in to the paper laying on our dusty wooden floor— using the light out of the lamp slowly reading its content I may not good at reading and only thought by my own. SINGING CONTEST JOIN NOW My heart almost slips out of my chest, holding it tightly, but the thought of it saddened me I know how singing is seen useless by father, for him it's a mere unworthy talent only for wealthy people. I took up the courage and slip it in my worn pocket, heading my way where the tiny office of father its a room occupied mostly from things he collected on streets things that are considered useless by the neighbours is what father collects such as clocks, racks, books, and clothes that were so wornout but he still uses them for comfort. As expected, he is facing bunch of paper: tying and sorting. I notice merilda my 8 years old sibling cleaning some of my father's clients shoes exchanged for small cents. “sister!” mirelda notice me stopping brushing the shoe and wave I wave back and enters placing the papers on the table. "what are you doing?” i warmed up “cleaning the shoe of father's client, you should try this! It's fun I'll buy a delicious food for us” she giggles continuing brushing the shoe, I smiled back cupping her big cheeks and wiping the dirt on her face. I stared at father who didn't acknowledge my presence and continuero straightly do his work. I took up the courage as hesitant as i was, and place the crumpled paper on his table enough for him too see, i notice his eyeballs move, and, read then, burst a big sigh. “what do you think dad?” i softly yet plainly ask, my enthusiasm slowly emerging Silence, a Excruciatingly silent. “are you out of your mind? Or your ambitious and selfish idea eats you again?” he dropped “But dad... I... We could be rich! That's all i am dreaming of, this is for us, for....me, I can't just dwell in this life forever, waiting for any left over, this is the life i didn't imagine living! I don't deserve a life like this! ” a breathy voice came out my mouth, what ever strengths i could pull off to extract thosw words out of me. “your dream is ridiculous! You are a clown on a circus! Performing in the sight of wealthy people is even disgusting and unlady like! It's not what a decent lady suppose to do, Stop with your nonsense and live in silence ” “It is not...” showing my unpolite stance “ what exactly Are you proving to me you ungrateful witch? That I'm a No good Father? Because i couldn't even handle our family out of this?” he shouted slamming the table, “I never thought of that father! And i will never will! this is for the sake of our family! I wanted us to live comfortably without going to sleep with empty stomach because we couldn't afford a mere dinner!” i couldn't help but to burst out, tears and words collapsing out of me. “Get out! And do whatever you want! Go and starve yourself wandering out in streets chasing that madly dream of you! Don't you ever come back to my house bringing me such a disgrace!” Father voice echoes out our home mixing through the thunderstorm. Running out of the room was all i could do, big steps to my room, where I bawled my eyes out till my eyelids slowly drop. The sound of floor creaking awaken me, it's merilda. She places the plate containing a bread and water on the floor where i was found laying down, my voice is too dry to even thank her. “eat this up, it's not good for your voice to be left hungry” merilda cheered me up, I hugged her embracing her tightly in my arms. “sister, stop crying you'll soon to be the biggest singer! And the whole world will know you!” she giggled emphazing it with dramatic hand movements that didn't stop me from laughing. “how can you be so adorable and funny at the same time?” I whispered pinching both of her soft cheeks. “your sister will be a performer!” “I will visit the church tomorrow and pray for your success” she replied Do you think i will make this ridiculous dream of mine?” I joke, but deeply, there are hesitation and doubts about my desires. There are only two destiny that could end up with me: success or defeat. what pathways will i end up? Humans are designed to have desires no matter how small and big it was, it’s for us to do something about it whatever the consequences will be. By the time i woke up, Sunlight make it’s appearance known, sun rays peeking out of the window touching my raw skin. I quickly brush my hair and tidy up, my swollen eyes and rough voice are the evidence of last night disaster, I quickly glance at Merilda’s bed it was already arranged. Going down, made my head hurts, means I will be seing Father, and seing him made me feel ashamed for the words i’ve said. It’s merilda who welcome me, holding the pot of left over bread to fed the chickens. On the other hand, Father is sitting on his own made chair out of scratch reading the latest news he look at me with emptily I tried to smile but failed. no matter how overwhelming the scene is, I pave the way to the kitchen to cook silently. After Cooking, me and merilda dust of the table and prepare, we gather and ate together mutely only making noise by spoons and fork hitting the plate, Father finish eating first and head out to drop off newspapers in front of everyone’s home. “Sister, Aren’t the auditions will be 3 days from now? why aren’t you preparing for it?” merilda ask one afternoon as we tie and arrange the newspapers neatly. I didn’t answer, and continued to work. “sister?” she asked again after hearing nothing from me, I walk out to arrange the newspapers in racks, “nothing, I will no longer auditioned for it” I replied fastly and exits to deliver some of the news paper in the nearby office where father mentioned, father never brings our quarrel up and acted like nothing happened it’s better that way i thought . “anyway, i will go out for a mean time, lock the door...” I said putting in the cap merilda always calls unfashionable. Warmth breeze of sultry air, noises of carriages every now and then, and unbothered crowd making noises enveloped my ear and sight. I walk straightly, hugging bunch of newspapers on my chest to secure it without any damages. I step into the first floor, where a skimpy man welcomes me asking me what he could help i can sense it’s his first day because nobody really pays attention to me here and often seen as beggar. “here, a delivery of newspaper” i said, handling it to him, he ran and rummaged through the front table and turn over some money on me I nodded and left silently. My feet pulls me to a old salon, where only poor people went, ran by my aunt, A small crack glass window can be seen outside, ancient poster of actresses decaying on the wall, well grown plants and rusty bycicle leaning towards it. "nari! My beautiful niece, it's been so long since the last I've seen you!” she stopped her work and hug me, “I've miss you aunt too, my father's business had been so busy these days so I haven't found a time to wander outside” i said factly, “oh my poor dear,” she replied with a solemn look, I laugh and pick the broom to help her clean up the salon like what i always do. “anyway, I've been dying to tell you this news...” she exclaimed remembering something, aunt Prim is i her 40's, with long hair, big nose and slightly hooded eyes. She wore a lots of bracelet clinked at her wrists. “This!” she handed me a familiar poster excitedly, my eyes widen no doubt it's the same poster I've seen, i look at it with pure delight i tried finding my copy of it in father's cave but find nothing as suspected he might be burn it already to nothingness. “I've tried sending this to you, but i bet you didn't received any” she added “I did find it laying on our floor” i confess “so whats the matter dear? I know it's been your dream to be a singer since you are still such a little child” she talked while cutting the bush hair of a sleeping client. “father is against with the idea of it, he said its such a shame and unlady like to perform...”there comes again the lump on my throat, and the hollowness that seems to be blocking my stomach. “Felimon, must be out his mind with his shameful selfish idea what a pity!” rage aunt that wakens the client, “what a cruel he is !” aunt prim hiss, “you should go and chase that dream of yours nari, before it's too late” she added with so much determination. One thing about me, was I am ambitious enough to dream, but never even had the courage to stand still and continue. It's something that hindrance me, it's sickful enough to be filled with dreams yet lackful of bravery. Before i open my mouth to answer a loud explosion and screaming interfere.