It's a week after everything went down and I don't feel anything.
All I feel is numb. Not only am I grieving over my dad's untimely death, but I am also numb because I know what torture is to come in just hours and I can't do a thing about it.
Yesterday was my father's memorial service. I decided to have a service that celebrated my dad's life rather than mourn over his death. So many strangers that my dad had helped before in one way or another, showed up; including Ruth who was the last person my dad helped before he died(I learned her name through the card she gave me). Everyone showing up truly showed what a wonderful man my dad was. I hope I did him proud in this service.
Today though is the day I move 1200 miles away from anyone I felt could keep me safe.
When I told Angie a couple days ago, that I had to move we broke down in tears embracing one another while we sobbed our hearts out. We had never been separated before even when my dad took me on vacation somewhere Angie would tag along, same for me when her family went on vacation. I didn't know how our friendship would take this.
Angie was here at about 9 AM along with some of our other friends and her brothers, helping me pack everything into the moving truck that would follow behind my mother and I.
As for my mother she was showing face to everyone acting like shes so excited to get to spend time with her 'baby girl', but her and I both knew what was hiding under that smile. The other's on the other hand, didn't suspect a thing from her. To them she just seemed like a good mom coming to pick up her daughter after years of not seeing each other. Only I knew the truth, and I was determined to keep it that way. Nobody else should have to deal with the skeletons in my closet.
We were all packed up at about 3 PM and I knew what was about to come so I tried to do anything and everything to stall our leave. Including ordering everyone a big lunch so that we couldn't go until everyone was done eating. My mother was too worried about the view of her reputation to leave any sooner and I knew that.
I even considered slashing all the tires on my mothers car and on the moving truck but I knew that would only work for so long and I'd get worse treatment then what I'm already about to ordeal. So I sucked it up braving a big smile once everyone was done eating giving everyone a hug goodbye. Angie's being the longest one "Don't forget to call and text me everyday" she said with tears streaming down her face "Or I promise you I will drive 1200 miles to smack you for not talking to me."
I laughed a sad chuckle "I promise."
Unfortunately the goodbye was all too short because we were officially leaving at 5:30. I now had to be locked in the car with a witch for 17 hours to get to Colby, Kansas. The movers would drive behind us.
*********************
Once we were on the road for about 2 hours mother spoke. I guess because she was tired of the silence. "You have no idea how happy this makes me. All because of your daddy's death I get money just for keeping a slut like you in my house." I stayed silent knowing if I spoke I would just make it worse. "I bet you slept around with everyone of those boys that were there today didn't you?" Not that it matters but I did in fact still have my virginity. I could never attract a boy's attention. "Although I don't know why they would choose you out of all people you're way too ugly. I can't even stand to look at you without wanting to barf." she made a gagging motion bringing up her hand to her mouth acting like she was about to puke.
On the inside I was about to burst into tears. On the outside though my face was stone I showed no emotion. I refused to let her get a rise out of me, knowing that that was exactly what she wanted. In my head I cursed the universe. I had escaped this horrid treatment for 10 years. My dad did everything in his power to cut off all connections to her that's why we moved to Atlanta it was far enough from her that we would never have to see her again and it was so populated it'd be near impossible to track us down in Atlanta. I'm glad my dad didn't have to see her ever again after the move I just wish I received the same blessing in another way. There was no escape from her this time, this was it. That was my last chance to escape from the she-devil and I failed.
No one else knew how she treated me. My dad was so intent on making sure she never found us that he didn't bother bringing the child abuse cases to court. He knew that if he did she'd be able to track us down. Because he didn't though, the social worker saw no issue in sending me back to live with this witch. It wasn't hard for them to track her down, her name was still on my birth certificate I couldn't have removed it if I tried.
She was the reason I always wore hoodies and jeans. She was the reason I had no self esteem. She was the reason why I hated myself.
Yes I was young but the words that she would repeat to me everyday without ceasing was stuck in my brain. Of course the one night I was able to finally block out her harsh words, finally block out my memory of her, was the same night that led this witch back into my life.
She spoke again "You're so hideous. You don't deserve friends. You don't deserve anything luxurious." She grabbed my phone out of my hand and threw it out the window while we were driving on the highway. I sunk further into my seat. Immediately regretting that action because she snickered, "Aw am I makin' the little w***e sad? Suck it up b***h I don't care that your sad, but I will beat if you start crying" she then grabbed my hair yanking it as hard as she could throwing my head back into the seat as if it was warning of what was to come if I disobeyed her order.
I wanted to go to sleep hoping to escape this nightmare but I was too afraid of what she would do to me if I did so I stayed awake just staring at the open road knowing if I moved a muscle it would break the silence making me have to hear her harsh words again.
5 hours later it was getting late but I knew I had to stay awake..
7 hours later it has been almost 24 hours since I have slept and I am doing everything in my power to stay awake but my eyes start to feel heavy and I sink back into the seat my head nodding off to the side, towards the window.
"Did I say you could sleep?" she spoke. She yanked my hair so hard that some of it was pulled out and sat me back up in the seat.
After that I managed to just barely stay up for the next three hours until we got to where I would be living.
Once we got there and all my stuff we moved was brought in the she-devil showed me to my room. She shoved me in, not caring how I landed. I looked around. Surprisingly it did have a bed and a warm blanket and a dresser to put my things in. I may not be able to have a phone but at least I had a bed. From her that's a shocker. It also had a window that I could use to escape if I ever had that opportunity.
I tried going to sleep but it was about 10:00 in the morning and I can never nap during the day no matter how exhausted I am or how hard I try. Knowing I was wasting my efforts, I gave up getting up to look out the window. When I did I saw the most gorgeous man I've ever seen.
He looked to be about my age, he was about 6' tall he had tan skin and beautiful shaggy brown hair. I could see he had abs because he was mowing the lawn shirtless. He had black jeans on with his shirt tucked in to his back pocket. I couldn't stop staring at him no matter how hard I tried not to.
He must've felt my gaze because he looked up from what he was doing. He saw me staring in the window and winked at me.
Well shit..