Finding Me

Nice or Shock To Meet Me

"It's surprising, the scale she used, the early control," Rose seems fascinated, as she utters to Audra, who is standing behind her in a row with a man on her right. She is looking into a room through a glass on a closed door.

"She just didn't know it," Audra seem disturbed and in deep concern. "I," she licks her lower lip and bites it slightly. "Not only that I don't know what she is but also her capability is a concern," her worry is the fact that she doesn't know Bekim that well.

"You should know you have to get her back into her room. It will be difficult for me to hold off the visit any longer than today," the man speaks and Rose still a glimpse of him over her shoulder.

"But we need more time," Rose whispers loud.

"Three days are more than enough," he says pressing his lips in a hard line. "I'll be here early in the morning, before they come," he takes a step to leave them but ceases as he recalls something. "Oh, and make sure to be extra careful even with so little details. Tomorrow will be tough with the child service."

"Who exactly?" Audra's concern is rising.

"Savannah," he turns to look at Audra who is looking at him in disappointment.

"It can't be the one I know," she mumbles loud as Rose deepen her furrow lines.

"It'll be alright. As long as you keep in mind she remains Bekim, the girl you adopt now, the girl you raise with great support throughout her entire life and among many others," he says to her and walks out leaving them behind.

Rose turns her attention back to the glass on the door, looking through it into the room.

"I think we should play it her way. Answer all her questions. Maybe I should try it," Rose utters.

"I'm thinking the same," Audra approves Rose's offer, but Rose can tell her concern in her voice.

"There seems to be something worrying you," she still didn't turn to see her.

"We don't know her, what she is fully capable of. Why they want her. What happened on the funeral concerns me, dear."

"I would say that was an early control. It would have been chaotic," Rose shrugs feeling quizzical to Audra's concern.

"True. Get ready for tonight," Audra presses a fake smile to her. Rose knows best that means Audra is asking for a privacy. Nodding to her she walks out leaving her by the corridor. "Few peoples, different seat. How?" She whispers after taking a step closer to the door.

***

Where should I begin with? From where I first wake up from or the second? Should I start telling you regarding my parents; the one who raised me up, who loved me, or the one who gave birth to me? Should I tell you about the room, the only room, that keeps me calm? Should I start telling you about what happened at the service and to Cat?

You know what, the start doesn't matter. Whatever start I thought was mine, isn't exactly mine. A lot of points feel like the start and I can't understand which one is the exact start of my story.

I can't, don't expect me to start with something I don't understand, about myself. All that I know is that, I know now, what... who happened to my parents. I saw it with my own eyes. What I did to those peoples, my aunts.

I was carried out the church feeling dizzy from the smoke my grandmother breathed, I was sleeping before the man who lifted me up touched me on my neck.

While receiving medical treatment in the open, in front of the church, in an ambulance, I was looking at everyone. There were not many nurses and two or three doctors, running around with patients, from the nearby hospital, were super busy. Some were receiving help; they seemed okay, like I was. Some were restrained on stretcher while they talked nonsense or fidgeting for a fight. They seemed crazy like they've lost their minds. Some were zipped in a black body bag. It wasn't a puzzle for me to know who were in those bags. I have also seen some patients rushed to the hospital. I guess those of us who were receiving treatment there, wasn't facing a life and death situation.

"Miss Bekim," Detective Carrie walked to me. "We meet again," she said pressing her lips. "I was informed you've left," she seemed excited to have met me there.

"Mom, Dad," I whispered. My lips too dry. I didn't care about her or what she was saying but my focus was on the others, receiving first aid.

"I think we should talk; I have to ask you something," she was looking around. I suppose it was for my grandmother, since she was denied the right to visit me, because of her.

"Mr. Karl?" My voice wasn't that audible, I wasn't able to hinder my tears. I walked to my father's old friend; whom Rose touched first. He doesn't seem to understand his where about.

"Bek, where are we, what are we doing here?" He asked me and I widen my eyes. He didn't forget me but I recalled Cat. She has forgotten me and I also recalled Rose mentioned that they paid her visit before me.

"You don't remember?" I asked him and I turn to look behind me to where Detective Carrie was following me by, but staring at me quizzical.

"Remember? I, I don't know," he answered. I run to Mrs. Maya, our next door.

"Mrs. Maya," I called her and she frowned.

"Who?" She didn't remember herself let alone me. I breathed heavy.

I wasn't feeling good, it was spinning; round and around. I understood everything, what was happening then, my suddenly appeared grandmother holds me on my cheeks.

"Calm down, you have to calm down," she said to me.

"Cat?" I whispered to her. I felt weak, literally. But to be honest the guilt got me faster, it was affecting me physically.

"No time or place for that," she said through her teeth. I wanted to scream to the Detective behind Audra, but I felt like sleeping and I fall down. I wasn't able to recall anything except their conversation. My eyes were closed but my ears were alerted.

"What happened to her?" I heard the Detective's voice. "She was okay."

"What happened to the others, what do you think?" I heared another person explaining. A strange voice. The new voice should be a doctor, but I felt someone was touching me, more like checking on me; my neck, and then my wrist. "I believe she should be detained like the others," the voice added.

"No," I heard Audra's voice, I knew she was speaking to the strange woman.

"Is that necessary?" The Detective asked.

"The others seemed stronger. Whatever happened here, it affected their thinking ability to the point they might harm others." She explained.

"I'll take her home, I can look after her," Audra said.

"But there's no guarantee that she won't..."

"I said she is coming with me. I will not subdue her to that hell hole." She sounded like she was scolding.

That was it. I was able to feel them moving me round and hear what they were talking about. Audra seemed to understand that I was able to hear her that she would say random things to me. She must have done something to place me under that condition.

At some point I woke up as we were on transportation to the plain and I saw Rose laying on another stretcher, then I closed my eyes.

How can I be able to forgive myself, for what I have done to my parents? I killed them, took their life, it was me. How? How did I do that? What am I?

Just as I opened my eyes, I was in a worm and comfortable bed. In a luxurious room of that castle. I realized that I was back there.

I get out of bed and looked down to myself. I was dressed in a pajama, garnet red shirt and pant, silky and soft. I cleared my black hair off my face and walked to the window, only to look out. There was nothing except the crying sky creating a sad view to the aria. Perhaps, the sad one was me.

"You're up," I turned to look to the door where Audra was standing by. "you almost ruined everything, yesterday."

"Did you do that to Cat?" I asked her through my teeth. I was breathing heavy; I couldn't forget the rage in me.

"She'll be fine. Making new memories," she answered as if what she did was right.

"You took her life; you hide what I did to..."

"What would you do? What good can it be telling you everything all at once?"

"I loved them and I killed them, I'm the reason for Cat's..."

"I am not going to let you ruin anything," she was disappointed but I was also getting furious. "You don't know what I passed through to protect you. Your real parents, my daughter died protecting you... For you."

"Shut up! Shut up Audra!" I screamed. I called her by her first name to show her my hate.

I still don't know how, but in the closed door a wind started to blow and with each passing second it was getting stronger. "Shut up!" I repeated furiously. My hair was in the air and my shirt and pant keep flagging with the wind as Audra's dress was doing the same.

The wind was too strong that her hair pin flies off her and her long silky hair started dancing in the air. Narrowing her eyes, she looked around, she seemed confused and estranged to what was happening.

"Stop," she ordered me, but I didn't know how, I didn't know or what to stop in the first place. Holding her cane tight she hits the floor hard once and I started to get pushed backward by a weave.

"What's happening? What is it?" I screamed but to stop the force that felt like pushing I hold my hands in the air to push back. I didn't know what I was doing but I was doing things impulsively.

Everything in front of me got cleared with Audra among them. I yield to the rough power in me, screaming. She tried to stand up from the ground she fallen by, but my screaming creates sequential weave that it thrutched her again but the wall behind her got busted down and she fall out to the corridor.

I turn to my left suddenly and stopped as I stare back at my reflection. It was terrifying to meet me, but it was me; sharply upturned big eyes, deep bright electric blue eyes, sharply straight nose, prominent sharp lip borders and deep brown lips, silver hair, snow white skin.

'I am a monster,' I wondered.

"See," Audra utters as she stands up and blew off dust, she seemed like in pain. She started a slow walk to me. "Welcome Adhara," she was breathing heavy.

"No, Nooo!" I screamed but I jumped out through the window. I wanted to die.

I didn't fall, though I jumped from the third floor. I landed on my feet clean, I look up to the room and see that Audra is standing by the window looking down at me. She seemed shocked, but she was also surprised that I survived. I was getting wet from the drizzle already, but all that was in my mind was that, if I ran, I can escape, or wake from this dream.

I ran and ran, but I kept coming back to the castle; I used different adirections but the result was the same, it was for nothing. I cried, I hit myself, but I was finally tired, I realized I had to go back in that castle. There was no way out and it was starting to get dark.

"No," Audra stopped me from proceeding up the stairs. "You'll have to try different techniques to calm down," I turn to look at her. "In the basement there are rooms, but yours is the first on the left," she said to me and I didn't dare say anything. I walked to the kitchen and to the door that takes to the basement. I walked down the stairs and frown to the long corridor with lines of rooms on the right and the left. I look up behind me, as I hear footsteps coming from the direction I just used. It was Audra.

"Am I a prisoner?" I asked with exhausted voice.

"Of course not," she quietly answered. "I just know you need this quite time, no comfort. It helps, I promise."

"Audr..."

"Grandmother," she wasn't loud but she was disappointed. "I deserve that much."

"If this isn't a prison, then what was that, out there?" I asked her.

"Safety protocol," I gasp for a talk, but she holds her right hand in the air. "For others from you," she adds and I feel like crying, that was true. She clenched her right hand in a fist and the door to the room she said was going to be mine opened. I secretly got jumpy but I got in, then the door got closed behind me and I close my eyes as a worming touch of my tears slides down my cheeks.

This room, small and empty. Darker during the night and with so little light during the day started calming me down. Despite I sleep on the floor it's much more comforting and felt, still feels fair for all the things I have done. I deserved it. The room isn't bad entirely; there's this smell of lavender that fills the room and it feels lively. The smell is calming and it creates home feeling.

***

I flick sit up just as I hear the door clenching. It was the door not the plate entrance that just got opened. I thought I was supposed to stay here for a long time, it's only been three days since that incident and I am not ready to make another wrong.

"Let's take a walk," Rose asks me.

"Are you okay?" I ask her in whisperer.

"I used my energy on a larger scale. We'll talk walking," she offers me the walk once again.

"I think it's best if I am here," I huddle.

"Okay," she walks away and listening to her footsteps tempts me. I get up the floor and start walking. I see her walking out the back door and I follow her.

"I'm glad you're fine," I utter as I reach to her.

"I know your mother. I got the chance to meet her when I was only ten. She was pregnant with you and in pain," I gasp looking to her direction. I am not ready to hear about her but she started the talk. Or maybe I want to know. "'Rose, you'll be fine,' she used to say whenever I have to do my training. She used to sit there so she would be able to see me and the others trained," she points a level with table and chairs in the garden. She ceases on her walk but she seems pleased to remember her. "Unlike yours, hear hair was long and brighter under the sun," she presses her lips, she seems sad. "She was kind and worm, but she was sicker after she gave birth to you," she proceeds the walk she ceased to point to the table, and I follow her.

"Why are you telling me this?"

"You have to know, what you are and how to control yourself. You've seen the wrong..."

"It's not my fault that I grew up not knowing."

"Your grandmother did her best to look after you. She has to raise and or help other families just to cover the fact that she is looking after you. She was there all your life. You just weren't aware of it and it doesn't mean she wasn't there."

"Who am I hiding from? She mentioned something about protecting me, then others from me."

"She didn't lie. After all, she has to live apart from you for you and now you have to be here so she has to protect others from you."

"What am... what are we?"

"For now. you should know that you're a mix of two impossible worlds. Your mom opened another dimension, I heard, accidentally and met your father, then you happened," she presses her lips thinking. "What you are is a mystery for us. Both sides... we hope that's the case, we just know they want you but we don't know for what. By far we suspect, based on your father's side nature, it will be to kill, or use you as a weapon, " I'm scared to be honest. "New breed is a threat and it endangers you and your family."

"Am I the reason my mom died?" it takes me a while and a long walk to finally ask.

"I don't know. But I know one thing for sure, she smiles to me. "You have two choices now, you can go or stay to figure you out," she presses her lips.

"In case you don't know it, I tried it before and it didn't work."

"That must be Isla's protection wall," she rolls her eyes. "It's down, now." She simply says and I frown as she walks back to the castle.

I take some moment thinking. I can escape this crazy, crazy or sink in deep. Hold on, I am in deep already. I brush my hair off my face and back.

'Maybe it's good to try,' I thought and speed off forward. It takes me a while but I find the main road. She didn't lie, but should I do this; running away or should I do that; know me better than this? What's right?

I feel like crying but closing my eyes I take the moment to think for a while. I look back to the road I used to run through to get here. It's dark now and there is no sign of the castle, just woods and dense. I lick my lower lip wet and shake my head.

"Here comes trouble, trouble," I breathe a smile to my choice. I hope I choose the right one.