The One I Cannot Have

Chapter 1: My Clandestine Affair

I opened the lock of the door and the inside was all dark. I tried to turn on the lights when I felt the presence of someone on my sofa in the living area. I knew who he was in the dark. Oh no. Not this now.

I wasn't expecting this. All these months away from home and I wasn't expecting to face this after I finally came back to the city.

"You look happy" I heard from the dark.

"How long have you been here? I wasn't expecting you" I tripped while saying. I put the keys in their place and put down my bags.

"Me? I should be asking you, how long have you been away?" He asked in a low voice and then slowly walked out of the darkness.

Gary was standing right in front of me checking me out from top to bottom. I didn't reply to anything. Silence surrounded us.

"Answer me, love, you can't be seeing me after all these days and stay silent."

"As I said, I wasn't expecting you now," I said.

"Who were you expecting then, Siya?"

"I was expecting my empty apartment. Nothing else" I tried to smile.

"Funny?"

"I didn't mean to" I was trying to act normal but deep inside I was tense as hell.

"Why are you pretending? You really think something will happen with you and I will have no idea about it?"

"Everyone knows. How shouldn't you? I'm not that stupid"

"You don't look pleased to see me, Siya. What changed?"

He walked to me and took my hands on his.

"Answer me. Don't stand and stay mute"

"You know everything, don't you?" I whispered.

"And I'm not very pleased with it" he whispered into my ears and started to touch my hairs through his lips.

"You kept everything hidden from me. I was so mad at you. I expected better. What you had put yourself into, love " he took his hands and wrapped them around my waist.

"You can't touch me like this Gary" I said in his ears. And I knew I had pissed him off.

"Don't test me." He replied, tightening his grip on me.

"Leave me." I responded by trying to push him away. "I don't want you to touch me like this"

"All these years I have touched you like this. Like you always wanted. And now you want to push me away?"

"Something changed. It won't be the same for us anymore. And you can't force me."

"I know a lot of things have changed. But what changed between us? You are ditching me? Are you in a relationship now? With whom?" He started to raise his voice. "With your childhood crush, who made you a criminal?"

"Call it what you want. I don't want you to touch me anymore" I said without looking at him

"He proposed to you? Asked you to be his girlfriend after you killed his wife?"

I stayed silent. I couldn’t.

"Did he f**k you? Answer me "

I didn't answer.

"Look at me girl. Did he f****d you and let you be on your own?"

"No" I screamed

"Yes. You are back here right after the night he f****d you. After he shoved his d**k into you. It was all over. I bet if he even wanted to know you reached home or not" he whispered, sticking his mouth in my ears. I could smell, he was drinking.

"You didn't let me text him yet. After I get here"

"You are not doing that anyway" he said and snatched my phone out of my pocket.

"Give my phone back" I screamed.

"You are not hearing from him anyway. There's no need to contact him by yourself" he took my hands and dragged me to my bedroom.

"Leave me Gary" I screamed. Fighting him to get away from me. But he pushed me inside the room.

"You remember you wanted this room to be made soundproof? Don't ruin your throat trying to get help. You will need that later for something else."

And then he locked the door from outside. I tried to kick the door several times but I know it will be all useless. When I was looking for a place to stay in the city I wanted a full soundproof bedroom. And here I am today. No chance of getting any external help. I was left in the room alone.

Hours later I heard the door opening when I was sitting on my bed. I saw Gary standing, looking at me through the mirror.

"Give my phone back" I said without any hope.

"That will be the last thing I will let you have" he replied

"Let me send him a text at least. Please"

Nothing from his side. He stayed quiet.

"Come, food is ready" he finally said. I was surprised he was letting me outside the damn room.

When I walked out of the room, I examined the whole place, looking for my phone, any phone. But I failed, he made sure I don't get anything to help myself. He kept all the curtains down. Door locked properly.

He is a good cook. He placed every meal properly on the table. We sat together and I slowly started eating without asking or saying anything. He kept on asking if I wanted more. I ate as long as I could fit in my stomach. As far as I am concerned, he will again lock me up In my room after eating. I will have the whole night to plan how to get out of here.

I know he has every right to keep me from going back to Abhimanyu, but that's definitely not what I want right now. I never had any hard feelings for Gary. We both knew what we had been doing. And this needs to stop now. I haven't put myself before Abhimanyu in my worst time, I will never put anyone else before him ever.

"Don't eat like we are strangers" he said while eating without looking at me.

"I don't want to talk to you"

"You have only me now. No one else"

"Solitary never bothered me"

"Things are not going to be the same now. You have enjoyed a lot of freedom I gave

you. You overused them. It's time for your punishment now"