Please Reject Me.

Trigger warning: SA // Bullying // Self Harm // Suicidal ideation It’s always interesting that one moment could change your life forever, but isn’t that what life is? A series of moments until death, point A to point B all the way to Z. I wasn’t sure just how many more points I could go through. The room was silent, the soft warm light coming from a desk lamp near a corner of the room. Rain was softly pelting down on any ice that had been building up. It was an unusually cold fall. Ice had been stuck to the trees and buildings throughout town. A window was just cracked to let the air circulate around and to keep it cool. They had me in the boiler room so it was like living in the Hells. My only solace was the small window that let me see what I couldn’t have. The smell of the winter rain cast into the room with each swell of wind. I could hear his footsteps coming down the hall, stopping in front of my door. It was my mate, Joshua. He was the future Alpha of this pack. One would think having an Alpha as a mate would be heavenly, but Joshua was a cruel man. Though he wouldn’t beat me like the others, he would still sit back and let the others do what they wanted. I was lower than an omega in the eyes of this pack. He had struggled with the idea that I was his mate. He would pace up and down the hall stopping at my door before just leaving. I waited for the footsteps to leave, but today they didn’t. My door swung open and I found golden eyes staring back at me. I gritted my teeth, feeling my body wince with disgust looking at this feral man. I wasn’t sure why the mate bond didn’t seem beautiful as others described it. “Get on the bed,” he demanded. “Joshua, get out,” I argued, not bothering to stand from my seat. His speed was impressive, but left me vulnerable as his hand wrapped around my throat and threw me on the bed. My head cracked against the concrete wall making my vision blur. I could feel bile rising from my stomach. A concussion. Luckily the room was dark enough for him not to see my blood. I could feel my consciousness going in and out as I felt the large man crawling on top of me. Hearing his pants hit the floor made my eyes instantly water. Not like that I pleaded with the goddess to hear. “Oh those sweet tears,” he licked them off of my cheek as he ripped my nightgown off. “Don’t worry, I won’t mark you,” he cackled, his golden eyes nearly black. He shoved himself into me. I was almost grateful for the concussion feeling my consciousness go in and out so I didn’t have to deal with this. I clenched my eyes shut. “No look at me!” Joshua ordered, he grabbed a fist full of my hair yanking my head up. I could barely manage to open them. His tongue shoved its way into my mouth. “f**k I’m going to c*m,” he groaned. No, not in me. I thrashed from under him trying to get away. He swiftly pulled out, turning me over pulling both my arms behind my back, his strength causing my left shoulder to dislocate. I cried out in pain, but it seemed like this only made him more feral as he slammed back into me. I could feel his tongue licking the blood that dripped onto my back from my head wound. “Oh goddess, you are delicious.” Please… I pleaded with any being that would hear me. I turned my head looking into the dark corner of my room and found lavender eyes staring at me. Joshua was off of me looking at me horrified, he pulled on his clothes and left the room without another word. “Thank you…” I whispered to whatever it was before passing out. I woke up still laying in my crusted dried blood. There was a knock at my door before it opened. It was the pack doctor Arnie. “Um the Alpha told me to come treat you,” he explained. I sat up cradling my arm, blood had ended up coating my body, I was shocked at the amount of blood loss I had thankfully the silver ichor in it disappeared as it dried. It seemed Arnie was as well as he gasped. He started to examine me, I was getting annoyed at how many times he was gasping and flinching at the wounds that coated my body. He grabbed my arm and reset it quickly without warning. I had healed, so Arnie had to break it and fix it correctly so it would heal correctly. I didn’t bother to make any noise. “Your head wound has pretty much healed up so can’t do much about that. You should shower and get to your duties.” He stood up and gave me a pitiful look before leaving. I looked at the clock and it was 4 am so no one had woken yet. I sighed before getting my, my entire body felt disgusting. I got the shower that only I used, it only had freezing water. I turned on the water and stepped into it. I didn’t care anymore. I stared at the blood flowing down the drain and wanted to cry but nothing came out. Just get clean. Clean. I am so dirty. I grabbed another bar of soap and clawed at my body, I needed new skin. I stumbled into the wall and collapsed on the cold floor struggling to breath. Get it together I tried to reason with myself. I’m too close to the edge right now. I knew that, but right now there was nothing anyone could say or do to bring me back right now. A hollowed life with such little meaning. Death would be better than this. I stood up and finished my shower, turned off the water and put on my uniform. During the party I smiled gently. Yes I just have to deal with this until the party and then it will be all over.