Finding my strength

Hi y’all. I’m Jané and I guess you’re here to hear about what I’ve been through in life. It’s always hard to figure out just where to start. So, I guess we should go ALLLLLL the way back to the beginning. Obviously, I’m Jané, the first child born to a single mother who lived with her mother. First red flag, but ya know, I was a baby so who woulda knew. I was always taught “being smart is sexy, but, you’re pretty so make the world work for you.” And i thought that was pretty much how the world works. You’re pretty, everyone just gives you whatever you want, but boy, was I wrong. Having that mindset was basically how I made it through a lot of my life, although it was anything but easy and sometimes, you’re handed everything you don’t actually want. All through elementary and middle school, I was a straight A student. I was popular, had all of the friends and pretty much peaked at 14. Super sad to say but whatever. My mom, Leanna, thought I was going to be her cash cow. Always dragging me to modeling school or pageants, doing everything she could to capitalize off of my “good looks”. I thought that was a life I was okay with. And I was, for the most part. But, when you’re judged 24/7 off of one single thing, it gets to be old, very old and depressing. Once I got into high school, that’s really when life picked up and everything started to change. Life went from being cute and easy, to painful sorrow and learning how to live with it. How do you learn to cope, when you’ve never been taught to do anything but be pretty? Thankfully, I have a younger sister who wasn’t completely tainted by my mom. She got to spend most of her time with my grandma, because my mom didn’t think she was as pretty as I was. I envy her so, so much for that. My grandma, Eva, was basically Snow White. The sweetest human being to ever exist. She could make friends with any animal, too. She was just the cutest, tiniest little human, basically an angel on earth. My mom, on the other hand, on the outside, seems like a normal, decent human and I can understand why people would think that, but what lies underneath, is pure evil.