Tomorrow may never come

Confessions

Can you handle the truth?

I remember an actor spouting those lines in a movie about the secrets in a marine and how they handle internal conflict.

Can you handle the truth?

Frankly, I don't know how I was able to handle, let alone accept, the truth.  How do you accept the fact that you have been gullible for at least eight years of your life and you have become bait for two hours?  How do you tell all that to the man who just wants to spend time with you as a special someone.

I wanted to scoff at the idea.  I am not special.

I looked at Liam.  If he had been a girl, a lot of boys will be fighting over him.  His physical appearance was so overwhelming that most of the people around us were awed just looking at him.  But he's shy.  He doesn't talk to our female customer and he was just content to let us handle them although they were clearly there to use the time to chat him up.

I took a deep breath.  This might be the last time I get to see him.  I might lose my job and my friends.

Can you handle the truth?

Courage is not the absence of fear but the belief that there is something more important than fear.

Respect, honor and pride.

Those rapists might have taken these from me but I want them back.  I want to outgrow the fear of being judged, ridiculed or rejected.  I am a woman and I will get over this.

I took a deeper breath of air.  I looked at Liam in the eye and dived right in.

"You already know my bio.  I'm Catarina Dela Roux, my parents are businessmen, one in a winery and one as a secretary.  My sister is a student in the same school as I. I used to have a boyfriend and a group of friends that I'm usually seen around school with."  I started, my gaze focusing on the people passing by the pavement.  Liam nodded and sipped his coffee as he focused his attention on me.

"What was not in my bio was that I am the head of my family.  My parents were almost non-existent, their focus was to get money, more money from their business trips.  They would leave me and my sister, Ana alone for weeks with enough groceries in the pantry and with instructions to fend for ourselves.  During Christmas, they would send us neutral gifts.  I was literally Ana's parent.  We would play with the neighborhood kids and I would make sure that she gets to eat three times a day and go to school on time.  My sister always get what she wants.  If she wants the latest fad that the neighbor has, I would get the extra money from our allowances and use it to buy it.  If it was not enough, I would use my own money to buy it for her.  As for me, I was just content to use what I have.  I have never bought anything cute or anything random for my benefit.  It was all for Ana.  I didn't want her to feel lonely without our parents.

Um, that was three months before when it happened.  I think Tamara told you I was absent for three months?"  I asked him and he nodded in reply before blushing.  I was intrigued by the blush and raised my eyebrow.

"Well, I asked Tamara to tell me more about you.  She mentioned that she got to be close to you only a few days ago."  He replied.  I nodded wearily.  

"Yeah, I was apparently nonexistent in school.  Nobody wanted to know me because I rarely speak and I don't really socialize with people.  My ex-boyfriend was actually a childhood friend of mine.  I used to help him out when people bully him so when he grew up, he though taking me as his girlfriend would be beneficial to him.  They scouted me to be their team's assistant and made me do their laundry and cleaning of the club room.  Some of the girls who wanted to be close to the team befriended me.  The girl who you saw hanging around James' arm was one of them."  Liam bristled when I mentioned Janine.  Guess he still hadn't forgotten about her comments.

"So, Ana, who is currently 15 years old, started to become more demanding.  She wanted more of what the rich kids have.  I tried to give her what she needs but when she demanded that I should buy her the latest Hermes bag that her friend Cindy has, I got mad.  I told her that we don't have that kind of money.  My parents happened to be home during that time and agreed with me.  But my sister was persistent.  She took the money from the wallet for the house finances that I placed in my dresser and bought the bag.  I was furious.  I took the bag back to the shop and reimbursed the money.  She kept on crying that I was insensitive, that I didn't have her best interests at heart.  My parents were on my side, telling her that as I was the eldest I have the authority to manage the finances of the house in their stead.  What happened next changed my life for good."

Liam took my hand in his.  It turned clammy and cold, his hand giving it a simple warmth.  It was as if he realized how hard this was for me.  The only time I tried to straighten up my sister's attitude and it turned out to be a dire situation for me.  I wondered if I should have disciplined her more.  I made what she is today because I pandered to her wants without thinking of the consequences.  Should I have trained her at a young age to understand the realities of life which I don't understand myself?

"What I am about to tell you is confidential and is still under the investigation of the police.  They were able to catch the people involved in it but there are still two persons missing.  I hope things won't change between us after this."  I steadied myself as he just nodded in affirmation.

"I was raped."