Depression
Hi, my name is Kyle Amery. Coming from a family where everyone is employed and animated enough to at least contribute something to raise our standard of living,whereas I am a middle-child who first never bothered to come out of her parent's wings, then COULD NOT even after umpteenth numbers of efforts. its not like anyone is pressuring me to do something i don't want to do, but this immense pressure in my mind is out of my control. the number of times i tell myself, " Every thing is okay, don't worry, nothing is going to hurt me, I AM FINE!". the harder i cry. Here I don't know exactly why I am crying. Every time I sigh, the shaky breath is inevitable. Nobody knows what I am going through. Hell! I don't even.
I try really hard to hide and wipe my tears without getting caught. Each night I go to bed the second my head hits my pillow , the moment I tuck myself in a blanket, my tears come up with full force, which hence, rewards me with severe headaches, aligned with the cold&cough. Now just imagine the level of suffocation I go through all night because I keep my hand tightly on my mouth so no one can hear me sobbing and my nose getting stuffed due to the ramifications of a cold. Catching my breathing at times just comes as a blessing.
My mother says and I quote "that a person should never sleep at two times of the day, one at dusk and the other at dawn. The reason being, at these hours, two times of the day meet each other". I, in addition, have another quality of being a night owl. I can't sleep at night. Maybe that's the reason I felt exhausted all day. Not interested in any other activity, I decided to sleep early, which was a bit earlier than normal people's nighttime. as I was covering my face with a blanket, my sister Ashley came out like a ghost.
"what do you think you are doing?" those words appalled me for a moment, as her voice came out of the darkness.
" It's still evening honey. What's up?" she asked sassly. I stared at her poker face '-'
"What do you want?" I snapped.
" Watch for your Tone" My mom shouted from the kitchen.
" Now what wrong did I say?" I asked, completely unaware of what was wrong with my "tone".
" It's not WHAT you said . It's HOW you said it." she explained, this time sounding a bit calmer. My eyes are already glassy.
"Well, I don’t know how you people do it. All that emotional chow-chow. It’s exhausting.".'my sister pointed out to me'."jinx" she hissed under her breath.
That's exactly how I feel about myself. I ruin everything I touch. Why I am a jinx is outside of my knowledge. I was afraid not to breakdown in front of them. I took a deep breath: "Control yourself! Everything is fine."
One could say I am just a slacker. Only finding excuses to run away from my responsibility. Maybe all these bone-tired, negative things are merely existing in my mind. I need to find better sources of happiness and focus on better things. The only way right now I can find my solace, is in cleaning and painting.
" OK, my mistake. I'll keep your suggestion in mind. What were you saying? I mean, why did you call me? Is there something you need me to do?" I tried to divert the topic.
" Go to the supermarket. The pantry is about to be empty. Go get some groceries from there.." I’m probably not the best person to ask for that request. The thought of going outside irked me.
" I don't wanna go outside,...." I meekly protested.
" You are sulking the whole day in your room , hold on! are you doing drugs or what?'
"Mom, there is no weed or any of that sort of stuff in my room! I just refused your entry into my room because I NEED SOME PRIVACY. THAT'S ALL!."
I didn't want to raise my voice, but in the end I did. It's me. I can't blame anyone else. It's only my fault.
" Mom... I 'm sorry. please..." I urgently asked for her forgiveness, but she didn't spare me another look. 'GREAT silent treatment. Again. ''Deep breathes,' Don't. you CAN'T', i consoled myself.
"hmm",'my mom looked at Ashley'." You go to the grocery store."she stated.
"fabulous! What she refuses is forced on me." she jeers, inaudibly glaring at me.
" Fine, since I am going, she won't have anything brought by me." with that remark she ran outside, and I took place in my bed, as I couldn't control anymore..
I hope one day I sleep and never wakeup again EVER.
I ran with all my heart, my lungs were about to explode. I could hear my own loud breathing. It's an architectural site. The terrace is full of bells ringing with rage on the top of my head. I fell down unconsciously. In a splash, there was the man upon me. He had brunet locks through which sunlight was seeping on me. With deep black fallow eyes, a long brave warrior cut was settled there on his right side's forehead, passing through his eyes to his high-proud cheek bone. My body was covered in dust and sweat. My mouth was dry. It felt like sand in between my teeth, whose sweat was on my forehead, mine or his. We have not the faintest idea. All I knew, I was hurting everywhere. He blurted out some ancient word ,"Medusa".
