I'm Your Alpha, not Your Luna

I can't have a mate

Lucy’s POV

I ran until I couldn’t run anymore. I tried to coax Indigo out multiple times, but she was just so angry with me for upsetting our mate that she definitely was not going to help me run away from him. She had retreated so far back in my head that I couldn’t even sense her anymore. I thought she understood my case but I guess she didn’t.

Utterly exhausted, I plopped down on a rock beside a small pond. As I caught my breath, I decided to wait for them to come to find me. Had I been able to shift, I could have gone a lot farther, a lot faster for a lot longer, but in human form, there was no way they would not be able to track me down. I leaned back against the rock and tried to steady my breathing. It felt like no time had passed at all when Lexa came running up behind me.

“Oh my dear sweet lord, why in the hell did you run away from your mate? Not only is he hot, but he has a great rapport with your father already. You didn’t even try to get to know anything about him, you just ran away. Do you even know his name?” She lectured me, crossing her arms and glaring down at me. I sighed, she truly did not understand.

“Yes, he is hot. And yes, I know his name. It’s Sawyer.” I said matter-of-factly.

Lexa scoffed at my comment. “That doesn’t make the fact that you ran away from him okay. He was utterly crushed and confused. He wanted to follow you but the Alpha convinced him that I should come after you instead. Even your father is confused. What is going on with you?” Lexa is a well-known babbler. It’s why we vibe so well together. I’m typically very quiet and she does most of the talking.

I felt tears threatening to fall out of my eyes again. “I thought you understood why I’m afraid of getting my mate. I thought you had my back. I guess I was wrong.” I said, pushing past her as the tears slipped from my eyes. I didn’t want to walk away from her, but I could not show any weakness, and crying is definitely a weakness. That means I have to push her away so she doesn’t see.

“I do understand, 100%.” She said, grabbing my hand and pulling me down on a rock beside her. “But I saw how much running away from him pained you. I don’t want to see you miserable the rest of your life just because you want to be Alpha. You can have a male mate and still be a female Alpha. At least give him a chance.”

She had a point, but I did not know how to make the fear stop; fear that he would not be happy being the mate of an Alpha female, fear that the council would make him Alpha instead of me, or even, the fear that he wouldn’t want me. It’s bad enough to be a female alpha, but one that is also rejected by her destined mate? The council would have a litter of flying pigs over it.

I want our mate. Indigo whispered. Even an Alpha needs a Luna, or whatever the male equivalent of that is. You still need a partner. Plus, I know you won’t be happy without love in your life. She reminded me. I still wasn’t convinced, but as Lexa said, I did not even bother to learn anything about him besides his name.

“I don’t want to automatically accept him though,” I thought aloud. “How do I get to know him without completely giving in to the mate bond? What if I give into the mate bond and then he ends up being power-hungry and takes the Alpha position from me? What if he doesn’t believe that women can lead? Or what if he wants me to move to his pack with him instead? There are so many things to worry about.” I babbled, fiddling with a piece of grass between my fingers.

“First off, this is the guy the Goddess chose specifically to be with you. I don’t think she would have matched you with someone who was power-hungry or did not believe in a matriarchy. She would have matched you with someone who would support you in your position, not someone who would put you down or try to take you away from your destiny.” She said, wrapping her arm around my shoulder.

I considered what she said. She was right, the Goddess does everything for a reason and she would not have put me in this situation without a supportive mate. I should have more faith in my Goddess, but that still didn’t mean I felt comfortable with just giving in to the mate bond. When I explained this to Lexa, she just shook her head.

“Secondly, he comes from a pack that has a chosen female Beta! He is obviously used to female leadership and didn’t seem that grumpy, so I don’t think he has a problem with it. You really worry too much.” Lexa teased me.

“You’re right. You’re always right. That’s why you’re going to be my Beta, and a bad-ass female Beta at that. You keep me in check.” I said, laying my head on her shoulder.

“So you’re going to accept him?” She asked, wiggling her eyebrows at me.

“No, I’m not just going to immediately accept him just because he is my mate. I will give him a chance, but he will have to prove himself before I do any mating or marking or commitment of any kind.” I stood up as a show of standing my ground.

“Okay, okay, baby steps. Celebrate the little wins.” Lexa muttered to herself.

Mate! Go see mate! His wolf is very upset and so is he. Go see him. NOW! Indi said, prancing around in my head full of happiness and energy. Patience. We will go meet him but nothing else, for now. So calm down girl! I commanded her. She pouted a little bit, but she seemed happy that I was going to give Sawyer a chance at least.

“Come on girl,” Lexa linked arms with me and started walking back toward the packhouse. “Let’s go get your mans!” I laughed, forever grateful to my best friend who could always make me laugh, even in times of extreme stress. As stressed as I was, I was going to have to face Sawyer sometime, so it might as well be now.