Diary of a broken heart

Dear Diary,                      I think I fell in love with my best friend. I know it's crazy. Maybe I am just going crazy. My feelings got all crossed when I saw him flirting with someone I knew. Maybe I am not in love with him. Maybe I am just jealous cause he’s paying more attention to her than me. We have been friends for two years and I never felt like this about him. I haven’t had a relationship with a guy. Every guy that has seen me, talked to me or has been around me just see’s me as a friend. Guys have always been unattractive to men. But when I began high school, that’s when it went downhill from there. I am a bbw (big beautiful woman) and a lot of guys from my school or neighborhood don’t like me and just don’t find me attractive. I want to get rid of these feelings and fast. Dear Diary,                           Well, I still haven’t gotten rid of the feelings I have for my best friend yet and I didn’t even tell him about these feelings either. That’s a good thing. Because he doesn’t need to know these feelings. If he did then it would be awkward to be around him. I got to get rid of these feelings somehow.    Dear Diary,                           I wonder if it is normal to talk to other guys when you’re in love with another? I am not talking to just one but three. One of them I am talking to as friends, second one is friends with benefits, and the last one is an old friend of mine, who wants to be more then that. I just don’t know about that. I keep telling him I am not ready to be in a relationship. He keeps saying I should give it a try with him. finally told him to give me time to think about it and I’ll call you when I am ready for it. I thought about it and maybe I should just give it a try. He is a good dude. I tried to call him, but his phone kept going straight to voicemail. So I am like ok, maybe he is busy. a couple days later I try it again. Still going to voicemail. Well dang that’s just weird. Well I guess it just wasn’t meant to be.   Dear Diary,                I am dating one of the guys I have been talking to, his name is will. He is really nice, he is treating me like a woman is supposed to be treated. Just like any new couple when they first start dating. Now I think I am in love but not going to use the L word just yet. Every time a girl thinks they found the one for them, they say oh I am so in love then the next day ends up breaking up. Doesn’t make any since, And I don’t want that to happen to me. I hope it doesn’t.   Dear Diary,                    Will has been acting really crazy. Will lost his job a couple of days ago, and ever since then he has been drinking every day. Today he showed up at my job. When I got off work, he walked up to me with an angry look on his face. He grabs my arm, so I pushed him. He grabs it again and drags me to his car puts me in the passenger seat and slams the door. I look at him while he gets in on the driver side,  "What in the hell is wrong with you?"  I said    "My friend said he saw you talking to some dude and y’all was all hugged up, so are you cheating on me?" He said looking at me.  "First of all, you know I would never cheat on you and second why are you listening to him anyways, you know he doesn’t like me cause I turned him down for s*x. So he is making up a punch of lies to break………"  And before I could finish my sentence, he slapped me across my face and I could feel the blood running to my mouth. I looked at him and punched him dead in his face and got out the car. He drove off so fast smoke was everywhere. I walk to my car so angry at him I could barely breathe. The whole time I was thinking in my head he better not call me tonight.   Dear Diary,                    So it’s been a couple of months since I have seen or talk to Will. Ever Since those months, I’ve been lonely so I have been talking to an old friend of mine Ty. We aren’t dating but he has been there to talk to. Since my argument with Will I keep thinking to myself please don’t let me fall for Ty even though he does want us to be together. i know if I get to close I am going to bounce in a relationship as usual. I just don’t know yet. I am so confused.   Dear Diary,                    So last night I was off work, and I was lonely in my house. So I called Ty to come over. And we watched movies and started talking it was so nice until Wills cousin called and told me Will was coming into town again, and that ruined the whole mood, Ty wanted to know who it was and when I told him he got angry. And he said if I was with you this will never happened. He got so mad he left and slammed the door. I couldn’t sleep that night. I kelp thinking bout it the whole entire night. Thinking I hope he doesn’t do anything stupid. I don’t know. But he has got me feeling some type of way.    Dear Diary,                  So I have been trying my hardest. But I think I am falling in love with Ty. I am trying not to because I don’t want to fall in love that fast like I did before. But last night when he stormed out last night I realize, he really does love me. And that had me feeling a type of way. So I think I am going to give him a chance. And he invited me over today to come swimming in his new pool at his new condo. So let’s see what happens and what he has to say. Dear Diary,                            So I went over to Ty’s house and omg. He came to the door with his shirt off. Now for me a shirt off is a big turn on. Only if u have a 6 pack. Yesss hunny. But anyways back to my story. I went in the house. It was beyond beautiful. A house I would dream on having this for my husband, my kids, and I. I said Ty this is gorgeous. He said thank you, let me show you the outside where the pool is. We went to the back and I fell in love. It was beautiful.  a hot tub in the right corner, a huge pool, and a slide to go with it. I almost fell to the floor.so we decide to go to the hot tub first. He takes my hand and helps me in the hot tub and then he comes in after me. So I say Ty I have to talk to you about something. He says ok, what about. I said you know you have wanted to date me for a while. Yeah he said. I said let’s give it a go. Your serious he said looking at me smiling. I said yeah. He gets out the hot tub stands on the side of it and does a huge flip into the pool, I shake my head and laugh, he gets out the pool get in the hot tub with me looks me in the eyes and says you know you have made me the happiest man on earth. I say yeah I know. He looks at me and smiles then gives me the biggest kiss. And that day ladies I felt fireworks.   Dear Diary,                        It has been dream come true dating ty. He hasn’t let me down yet but these past couple of months been great   . He has been taking me out to eat, spending time with me, and cuddling with me after he gets off work. And he has been Saying I love you 50 times a day. I know this is called the cupcake phase. As some people will say and I am going to enjoy the ride till it wires down. Soon I know it not going to be like this anymore but just make sure you enjoy the ride while it last.   Dear Diary,                So tonight I wanted him to spend the night and have a romantic night tonight and he agreed. So I put rose pedals from the front door leading to the dinner table and the rest of them on my bed. So he gets off work. And knocks at my door. I walk to the door and he looks at me smiling and says damn baby, you look hot baby. I say thanks baby. He says what did I do to deserve this baby. I said just being you baby. Looking at him with a sexy look and grab his hand and take him to the dinner table. He sits down I bring out the food. He says baby this looks good. I say really, just wait until you get a taste of dessert. Biting my bottom lip. He looks at me like oh really. I got out my seat and I got in his lap started making out with him. He picks me up and takes me to my room puts me on the bed and shuts the door and you know what happens after that.   Dear Diary,                    Ty invites me to a party at his friend’s house he comes and picks me up and tells me in the car of some stuff I need to know. He says now babe some of my exes are going to be at this party and they’re going to say I slept with them just so they can start some bullshit with us, don’t let them get to you, ok baby, I love you and I don’t want to lose you over them. I say babe as long as you didn’t do it then you have nothing to worry about, you didn’t do it did you? He looks at me and says no babe. I say ok then you have nothing to worry about then I give him a kiss. So we arrive at the party and I see one of my friends so I go talk to her and I have Ty right beside me, he points out one of his exes giving us a little mean look like she jealous. So I just turned around and ignored her. I went to the bathroom for one minute and Ty was gone. I was looking for him everywhere in the house and couldn’t seem to find him so I decided to ask his friends and one his friends tried to help me look for him so I went looking in the bedrooms and finally found him but with his ex on top of him I slammed the door and ran out his friend’s house. His friend saw me running and came after me he said what’s wrong? I told him the situation and he said no that can’t be right let me go see what’s going on and u stay right here. Well instead of me staying where I was at I left I had his keys to his car I drove his car to his house and then walked home.   Dear Diary,              Well today I went to my great aunts house to check on her since she just had surgery last week. I walk in and Ty is sitting on the couch with his little brother. His little brother is my cousin because of his father is my great aunts son, but anyways. I went in the house and went to up to my aunt, gave her a hug and kiss talk to her for a while and left out the door. Ty followed me out the door he says Trina. I say what Ty. He says it’s been a while since we have talked and I have wanted to talk to you, please let me talk to you, please. I said I don’t know Ty, that’s……. He said please. I said ok Ty. He said meet me at my crib tonight at 8. I said ok fine.   Dear Diary,                            My heart is beating very fast as I am walking up to Ty’s house.  A lot of stuff is going through my head. Thinking bout  what happen at the party. It’s like my heart says go in and see what he has to say. But my feet want to walk the other way. But instead I knock on the door. He opens the door and says hey Trina, I am glad you could make it, come in. I go into the house, go to the living room and sit on the couch. He sits at the other end of the couch. He says Trina …… I stop him and say Ty please, I don’t……… he stops me and says Trina, let me finish. I stop talking and listened. He said Trina, what happened at the party was a mistake, a huge mistake, I didn’t realize what I had until I lost you baby, please come back to me please. I said no Ty, you should of thought bout that when you did what you did. He said I know baby, I am sorry. He moves closer to me and whispers in my ear I am sorry and starts kissing my neck. And I froze like I couldn’t even get my words out my mouth, it’s like my lips was stuck together. Then he starts kissing my lip and rubbing my thighs. Then goes back up to my neck sucking my neck. Then  He picks me up take me to his room puts me on his bed takes off his shirt and shuts the door. That night we had s*x. And I feel so stupid for doing that to him and to myself.  Now he is gunna have mixed emotions and I didn’t want that. When I woke up, he was asleep so I hurried and grabbed my clothes, put them on and rushed out the door. I was so ashamed of myself I sit in my car crying for at least an hour.   Dear Diary,                            So for a couple of days I couldn’t sleep. I’ve been up tossing and turning thinking bout what happen between Ty and I. Thinking why did I do that, and what is he thinking right now. For a couple days since this has happen I have ignored his text. Even though he has been texting me to talk to him. But I didn’t answer back cause scared of what he is going to say. But today I got the nerve to call him. So soon as I got off work and drove home. I got out the car started dialing his number and I look up and he’s sitting on my porch. I said Ty I was just bout to call you, what’s going on. He said my granddaddy has cancer, he has been fighting it for year but the doctor’s say it’s getting worst and said that we should tell him our last goodbyes. I said Ty I am so sorry. I gave him a hug. He said about a couple days ago………. I stopped him and said Ty don’t go there, not now, you don’t need to worry bout us right now, go to your family ill be here when you get back. He said for once Ill listen to you. He kisses my cheek and starts walking to his car. He says Ill call you. Dear Diary,                             Ok today I am feeling a little better. I try not to think about it too much. So my friend Mia has come down to cheer me up. So she decides to take me out to a club. But this club is different. You go inside and there is a dance floor on your right and the dj is towards the front but to your left was a pool. I was thinking what kind of club is this. I looked at her and said what kind of club is this. She said this is how I party girl, you need to get out more. I said I know, I haven’t been out in years, thank you for bring me out. She said no problem girl, so you know I am going to have to throw you a singles party. I said wait, why me? She said you know the rules, anyone in the click that is emotional bout their break-ups has to have a singles party. And you have been going through the most drama out the click, so you’re going to have a singles party, I am paying for all of it. I said ok, fine.   Dear Diary,                            So Mia and I started getting together for tonight. Well let me explain to you what a singles party is. A long time ago my friends and I made up this thing called the singles party of course. But my friend made it up when she saw so many of our friends going through bad break ups. so she decided for the girl that had a real bad break up, to cheer her up by throwing a party and inviting all the single men and women. So they can mingle up and find their perfect match. The crazy thing is that since we made it up everyone started doing it for their friends. And some people at the party end up married with a person they met at the singles party. But right now I have no choice not to go my friend told me she is going to drag me out the house, she said you have to go whether you like it or not. Then she comes to my house and says start packing just don’t pack that much cause I am buying you stuff when we get there. I said where are we going I thought the party was here. She said hell no, these clubs here are boring, and plus this is a surprise I am not telling you nothing you find out when we get there. I said ok ok and start packing my stuff. She said remember not that much.   Dear Diary,                           So Mia and I are on the plane and the whole way there I keep asking Mia where we are going. She said if you ask one more time I going to hit you. I said fine don’t tell me. So we land and I can’t believe my eyes we are in Vegas. I look at Mia and say no you didn’t, no you didn’t. She said yeah, you thought I didn’t remember did you? I said I thought you forgot. She said you know I know you like the back of my hand. She said come on girl lets go shopping since we here. I said let’s get something to eat first, I am hungry. So we go out to eat. And Mia keeps asking about the party. I said who did you invite some people from our high school, I hope you know who won’t be there. She said maybe, he is still single, and he was the love of your life. I said yeah, was until he was cheating with that b***h on the cheerleading squad. She said well you never know hopefully you will find a husband tonight. I said maybe, we will see. She said we will see then.