Amanda Maddox

The Beginning.

Mom and dad were barely present in our lives throughout the years. Except for Sunday afternoons. Steven Maddox was either deployed to a foreign country, or working long hours at the Pentagon. My dad is a retired Navy Captain, and he served for almost thirty years before he decided to settle in Washington, DC.

My oldest sister, Tracy, was born at a Naval Base in Guam. Four years later, my brother, Brently, was born at a Naval Base Air Station in Pensacola, Florida. And two years later, I was born in Norfolk, Virginia. We lived there for four years before Dad transferred to California, where he ended his career as Captain and moved to the Capitol after he took a high-end-paying job as a senior executive engineer.

Mom, on the other hand, decided to open her own real estate firm, and was gone all day long, every day of the week. Leaving my two siblings and me in the hands of our live-in nanny, Rosita, who was like a mother to us. Patricia Maddox was so busy growing her business, that she had no time to raise her children. We could have done whatever the hell we wanted, because we had money and very little supervision from our parents. And they were too tired to check on us by the time they made it home.

So, I decided to get myself busy with something I loved. Gymnastics. Mom and Dad enrolled me in an elite private school that my siblings and I attended during the day, but we also had a busy curriculum after school. In a way, our parents were only trying to disguise their absence. They thought keeping us occupied in various activities would somehow amend their lack of parenting, but little did they know that their inability to be present could lead us to something else.

I had a set mind. I wanted to be the next greatest gymnast. A gold medal-winning champion. I had the skills and the stats that indicated that I could be the next candidate to represent my academy in the national championship. What am I saying? I was going to represent the Capitol and the country of the United States of America in the preliminary competition for the summer Olympic Games. By the age of fourteen, I had won several competitions around the nation. Including two European medals for best rhythmic gymnastics.

I had a crowd of supporters that came to cheer for me at each competition. They had faith in me, and so did my coach.

My parents had stopped coming to my events unless it included a championship, and my two siblings were wrapped up on their own mess. Like my sister Tracy, who got pregnant a month before her high school graduation, and was now raising her baby girl. My beloved niece whom I adore with all my heart.

Brent, on the other hand, was running wild, and my parents were trying to keep him in check. They paid less attention to me, because, apparently, I was the more sounded child. They had no clue that I had lost my virginity to Samuel Cox the moment I turned fifteen. The entire school knew that I was dating him, and it kind of made us the most popular couple. He was the son of Senator Ryan Cox, and the captain of our basketball team. He was the hottest guy in our school.

And also the biggest jerk.

And a bully.

I was blinded by 'love' I would quote in perfect captions. I had no idea of what love meant back then. I was an ignorant freshman girl who knew no difference between an O and a zero. It was all superficial. And I learned it the hard way.

The morning was sunny and bright. And so was my spirit and the future I saw for myself, but entirely unaware of what was about to happen. I was ready to execute my life's greatest performance at the Junior Pan American Games when something went wrong. I stumbled on the last handspring as I was doing a midair flip, causing me to lose my balance, and impairing my handstand as I touched the mat. I immediately heard the snapping of my bones.

Everything was a blur after that.

A broken wrist changed my life.

I had surgery within a few hours of my injury, but I was withdrawn from the competition thanks to it. The doctor said it could be about a year before I could compete again, and my mind was spiraling into a dark hole. I worked so hard to achieve a promising career in something that I loved. And it had all ended in the blink of an eye. It was all gone.

My beloved boyfriend left me without hesitation, and he started dating the cheerleading captain when I was still in the hospital. It is sickening how all the boys dream of dating cheerleaders. Something about dating them that makes the guys more popular and vice versa. But Samuel didn't even wait for my wound to be patched before he said our relationship no longer had a future. f**k him, and all the immature boys who only use girls as a stepping stone.

I regretted having s*x with him time after time. Florence would share their loving pictures on social media and I almost puked inside my mouth at the level of their hypocrisy. The guy who had promised me the sun and the moon was now sleeping with the most evil girl in my school. The only dirt I had on her was the fact that my brother, Brent, had slept with her. Half the school had been on her bed.

I was in a dark place.

Emotionally and mentally.

I was using oxy not only to relieve me from the pain in my wrist, but also to stimulate my brain. I was using it as a recreational drug, and when I didn't have any, I cried, faking to be in pain. My doctor then realized my abuse and cut it all together, leaving me confused and agitated. I couldn't even go to school because of that. And when I didn't have the narcotics to help me out, I sought a different outlet. I cut my wrist. The very same wrist I had broken a couple of months earlier.

It wasn't until then that my dad took a few days off to stay home and take care of me, but then I was admitted to a private clinic to help me with my addiction and my depression. Most of my sophomore year was gone by the time I came back home. I refused to do any school work, which caused me to stay a year behind. And then I had to transfer schools because Florence and Samuel were bullying me to a point where I hated school.

The new change brought light into my life again, giving me a new chance to a normal life once again. That's where I met Claire Johnson, Daniel's daughter. She lived next door, but I had never crossed paths with her because I was so busy with my gymnastics, and we went to different schools as well. She was a troublemaker from the moment we met, but she had experienced a dark time just like me, and that drew us together.

Claire was going through a denial period. She was hurt by her mother, and angry at her father. She couldn't admit that her parents' divorce was affecting her a lot, so she projected all her pain towards making poor decisions. She blamed Daniel for letting her mother go, but it was her mother who left them. She wanted to pursue a career in theater and accused Daniel of ruining her dream the moment she got pregnant. Like she wasn't the one who opened her legs. It takes two to tango. Daniel didn't do it on his own. He had also altered his life when he became a teen dad at age seventeen.

I instantly became protective of Claire. All the therapy I endured made me feel that taking care of someone else could occupy my mind and give me less time to think about everything I had gone through. I didn't want her to make the same mistakes I had made. She was three years younger than me and I didn't want her to do something that would ruin her life.

She came over to my house all the time. For dinner. For sleepovers. For the holidays. She was there for me, and I was there for her. But I never understood why she had a hard time listening to her dad. Daniel was a great father. He always put her needs before his. He was devoted to his daughter, but Claire didn't care. She wanted to get under his skin most of the time, making Daniel lose his cool. I always thought that he was an unkind man. He never smiled, and he was a man of a few words.

His ex-wife had broken him too.

I continued to clean my friend's messes. Clair was reckless and selfish. She wanted to move to Nashville with her mother, and she resented her father for not letting her go. Her own mother had left her behind with the supposed idea that she was better off with Daniel. Why couldn't Claire see that her father was the good one? She wanted to be free, just like her mother, she always thought. She hated rules, and she didn't submit to any authority.

What the hell was I thinking when I decided to become her babysitter?

The girl was pretty, but so irresponsible. I didn't want her to end up like my sister, with a baby and no professional career. I had made despicable mistakes. I was no white sheep, but being imprudent with who you slept with was not one of them. Claire had more bodies than the cute freckles on her cheeks. She snuck out of the house with different boys each week. And I felt responsible because even though I tried to persuade her not to do that, she would never listen to me. She actually had me cover for her.

That's right. I came to her house and she would have me pretend that we were watching a movie together, when in reality it was always me. Alone. I made popcorn and turned up the volume of the TV while her father was in the basement exercising or working late in his studio. He was fooled by his almost sixteen-year-old daughter, and deceived by me. I was just as guilty as she was. Poor man.

I was a super-senior by that time.

I still laugh when I think of that ridiculous terminology.

Due to the year I missed when I was hospitalized and then trapped in that clinic, I had to repeat my tenth grade, causing me to be almost nineteen when I was in my senior year. Labeling me a super-senior. I was one-- if not--the oldest student at Corner Stone. My parents had to speak with the director of the private school to ensure that I didn't end up going to an alternative school for a GED. Not that it would have been wrong, but my parents had a reputation to protect, and a very generous contribution to the school made my age be an exception.

I was almost nineteen, and dating a guy my age was definitely not something I wanted anymore. I was set on waiting until college. Dating Samuel Cox and then seeing how he dumped me for a 'better' option had damaged me. I lost my title as champion and I never got the opportunity to be an Olympian. He never deserved me.

This generation had lost every principle.

Girls are eager to lose their virginity to the first guy who calls them pretty. We have standardized the age when a teenager can start taking birth control pills, and what's the appropriate age for a girl to have s*x for the first time. A fifteen-year-old is still a child. We could at least wait until we are of age. And I regret losing my most precious virtue to a scumbag like my ex.