Scarred for Love (MFM)

Chapter 11

Derek's P.O.V

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We finished up our little getaway with shopping the next morning, mostly for Scarlett's enjoyment because the woman loves shopping. Then we ended up spending the rest of the day eating at places we'd never eaten before and walking along the boardwalk again.

Declan kept glancing at me every so often with a questioning look etched on his face. I just avoided any eye contact because that's what any mature adult would do, right?

I touched his balls.

Why? I don't really know, I just figured why not at the time. I know it feels good to have it done for me and so I wanted to make him feel extra good.

Okay, you got me. Maybe I was a little curious about how it'd feel to touch him intimately. I wasn't weirded out by the feel of them.

"DJ?"

"Huh?" I asked, looking over my shoulder to Scarlett in the backseat. We are currently on our way home and Declan and her have decided to share the backseat yet again. He offered to drive, since I drove to Coney, but I told him it was no big deal. I love to drive and listen to music anyway.

"I asked you if it'd be alright if you dropped me off at Rosa's for dinner. She wants to talk about the Bachelorette party while Duncan is at work." she stated with scrunched brows.

"Sorry, was just lost in my head. Of course, I can drop you off there baby. What about you, Declan?" I asked with a quick glance at him. He raised his brows in surprise.

"Uhm, I can hang out with you for a bit" he said hesitantly.

"Okay", I cleared my throat and nodded, knowing that a confrontation would be included after dropping Scarlett off. Scar raised a brow, glancing at both of us before shaking her head lightly.

I'll have to explain to her later. I mentally groaned. Maybe I'll call uncle Tanner. He was in a similarish situation. Granted, he already had feelings for Charlie as well.

Soon enough, I pulled up to Rosalina's house. Scarlett gave Deck a kiss before leaning up front to give me one as well.

"I'll call later if we are doing a sleepover or not! I love you both!" she yelled as she shut the back door. Rosa and her love having sleepovers with each other as well as with the rest of the girls of the family.

Before I could put the car back in drive, Declan spoke up.

"Could you actually drop me off at my apartment so I can grab some things? Then I can drive over afterward?"

"Sure" I told him, shifting the car into gear before heading to his apartment building. It was a very quiet and sort of awkward ride. I almost felt like an Uber driver with him still in the back seat.

I pulled into the building's parking lot and he was quick to unbuckle and scoot out of the door.

"Hey!" I called out before he could shut the door. Rude. He wasn't even going to say 'bye' or 'see you later'.

"Huh?"

"Uh...What did you want for dinner?" I asked him, rolling down my window, so it was easier to talk to him. He shut the back door and came to my door.

"Erm, Are you in the mood for Chinese?" he asked, biting his lip. It's another nervous tick of his that I've noticed.

"Yeah, I could go for some Chinese. Golden Dragon?" I asked and he nodded with a small smile on his face. It was his and uncle Sebastian's favorite Chinese place in town.

"Oooh, can you get the sweet buns?!" he asked excitedly.

"Yes, I will. I know how much you like them sweet buns", I smirked and winked at him. His face turned crimson, eyes darting everywhere but at me.

"Thank you" he muttered before turning and sprinting into the apartment building. Hmph, he's quite adorable. With that thought, I scrolled through my phone and found Tanner's number before I started driving. I hit the call button on my steering wheel and waited patiently as it rang.

"Hello?" Tanner's voice came over the car's bluetooth.

"Hey"

"What's up buddy?" I faintly heard Charlie in the background singing.

"Ope, Sorry to bug you"

"Oh, no, you're not bugging us. Why? What's up?" he asked with concern in his voice. I never really call Tanner so it's a no brainer why he would be a little concerned.

"I have a question...or a couple?"

"Okay, I'm all ears" he told me.

"Okay", I blew out a big breath while trying to think of what exactly I was asking. "So, you know how Charlie had feelings for you?"

"Uh, maybe just a little," he teased with a chuckle. I groaned. "Okay, I'm sorry. Go on."

"Well, Declan has recently told me that he's in love with me...."

"Finally" he exasperated, and my eyebrows flew up.

"You knew?"

"Pfft, of course. Charlie had the same longing puppy dog stare with me as well," he stated. "I never said anything to him though, because that was his business and he was trying so hard to mask it. I should've honestly talked to him but Jace said he had it covered and that Declan didn't want anyone else to know."

"Well, Scar figured it out too. Does everyone else know?" I asked curiously as I continued my drive to the Golden Dragon.

"Not sure. I wasn't going to accidentally out him by asking if anyone else noticed" he replied.

"Who's on the phone, babe?" Charlie asked in the background.

"It's DJ" Tanner said.

"Hey DJ!" I chuckled at his greeting.

"Mind if I put it on speaker?" Tanner asked.

"Nah, I would assume Charlie knows as well."

"Duh" he deadpanned.

"Knows what?" Charlie asked curiously.

"Declan"

"Ohhhhhh....He finally said something, huh?"

"Well, not exactly willingly" I sheepishly admitted. I highly doubted that's how he would've wanted to tell me. If he ever did. I explained the events leading up to said confession, Tanner and Charlie listened quietly.

"We knew about Declan dating Scar too. Your dad and Pop's told us about that."

"That's fine, easier to have them say it before it became a surprise at the next family get together" I told him. I mean, everyone knew about Scarlett being Poly anyway. "Anyway, back to the reason I called....How did you realize you loved him too? Or I guess, what did you feel after you found out in the beginning?"

The other end was quiet and I checked the phone just to make sure the call connection was still there.

"It wasn't a great awakening or anything like that. I mean, when he first told me, I was shocked and questioned it, if I'm being completely honest." he admitted "I wondered how my own brother could love me out of everyone, but then...I don't know I thought about how close we were, well, are and that changed my perspective on our entire relationship. I thought about all of our interactions as we grew up...." he continued. "There were always these small little flutters in my chest when I made him happy. I strived to make him happy, to keep him safe, to just hang out with him being goofy and laughing. Of course, I had a girlfriend at the time and he was very jealous of her. Before knowing it, I thought he was just jealous of me with her..."

That made me think of Declan with Scar and I back when we were kids and I started hanging out with Scar more than him. I thought he was jealous of me not hanging out with him. Nope, dead wrong about that. Well, I mean it fits hand in hand, I guess. He wanted to hang out with me because of his feelings for me and with me hanging out with Scarlett. He felt like I abandoned him and unknowingly rejected him. A sharp pang hit me in the chest thinking of that.

"I'm just happy and grateful she ended up cheating on me, or I would've probably never even explored my feelings for Charlie. I can honestly say I am the happiest man alive ever since we got together", his voice softened. I can only imagine the dreamy look he has as he stares at Charlie. Our whole family is just filled with lovey dovey humans.

"I don't know how I feel about Declan," I quietly said. Which is true.

"Hey, it's okay if you don't reciprocate the feelings. You can't force those feelings just because he has them." he told me.

"I know, I know....I just, I think I know what you mean by flutters" I said with my eyebrows scrunched, searching for the right words. "Like I looked back at all the times that would've showed me any sign of how he felt about me and it's obvious now that I'm looking back at it....I don't know. I turned off that part of me way back then because I was scared of thinking of him like that." I admitted in defeat. "Now, I am trying to open it back up, but a part of me is still scared..."

"How come?"

"I don't know...Maybe because the attraction could just be a fluke? Or maybe it would make everything backfire and leave everything in the current relationship messy in the end?" I rubbed my temples with my fingers.

"Valid reasons" he agreed "However, in the end....You just have to do what makes you happy" he stated simply.

"I want to make him happy. I always have. Of course, I want to make Scarlett happy as well. She is my wife. I married her for a reason", I replied.

"Are you scared that you may love him more than her?" he questioned. I never thought of that. I love Scarlett with all of my heart. I love Declan because he is my brother and I always will, but could the questioning attraction back then have led me to cover it by dating Scar? No. Maybe?

"Maybe..." I sighed heavily with a frown "It's just scary in general."

"I get it, I definitely do" he softly said. "But I would just think about it and evaluate your feelings before getting his hopes up by telling him anything."

"Erm.."

"What'd you do?" he asked accusingly.

"What?!"

"That 'Erm' means something happened" Charlie commented.

"I may have done something while we were doing a threesome..."I trailed off.

"Like? We need a little more context, Deej"

"Okay, I may have touched his balls while he was about to c*m" I grimaced to myself.

"Why?"

"I don't know, I just did it" I stated.

"Well, there had to be a reason why you'd just touch another man's balls. Did you like it?" Charlie asked.

"I...I mean, I was curious. It wasn't weird. Well, maybe a little because I've never done that before, but it wasn't odd to touch them if that makes sense?"

"Yes, it does." Tanner agreed.

"I just thought, well I like my balls to be played with and so I just lent a helping hand" I admitted, bobbing my head back and forth. "Probably wasn't my brightest moment considering I didn't ask if I could touch him."

"Did he say anything about it?" Charlie asked curiously.

"No...not yet at least. We were out at Coney Island and we had just got back, but it happened the night before last night. He just kept glancing at me all day yesterday. I didn't say anything, basically acting like nothing happened" They both tsked at me.

"You have to talk about it", Tanner told me.

"I know, I know....I just know he's going to bring it up tonight. Scarlett is at Rosa's, so it's just me and him."

"Did he move in?"

"No, remember that's how I pushed him to admit his feelings?"

"Ohhh, yes! Sorry, forgot temporarily. Well, just talk about it and tell him where your mind is at. Communication and understanding is very important for any type of relationship." Tanner told me and I nodded even though he couldn't see me.

"Okay. Thank you...both of you" I sincerely said.

"Anytime bud, we love you"

"Love you guys too", I smiled. I love my extraordinary family. "I'll talk at ya later"

"Kay, kiddo. Bye". I ended the call and shut the car off when I parked in the parking lot of the restaurant.

I will be honest with Declan. I don't know where my feelings are towards him, if there are any romantic feelings there in the first place. However, I will try and be as honest as I can with him. I also need to talk to Scar about it as well.

I took my phone and ordered the Chinese so I could call her quickly. I know it would be better in person, but considering I'm on a time limit until said talk. I need to call her pronto.

I ordered the food quickly and it said it was going to be at least fifteen minutes until it was done. Perfect. I found my wife's number and quickly pressed call.

"Hey, babe" she answered after the first ring.

"Hey...." I trailed off. "Can you go somewhere private?" I heard shuffling and then a soft clicking of a door.

"Okay. What's wrong?" she immediately picked up on my unease. So, I jumped into everything that I had just talked to Tanner and Charlie about.

She was silent by the end.

"Scar?" I hesitantly waited for her reply.

"Sorry, just taking it all in. Just, wow"

"Yeah..."

"I mean, I was so rooting for you two but damn, I never thought it'd be possible" she said in amazement. I rolled my eyes.

"You're a dork"

"Hey, you know I find incest hot". I could picture her sticking her tongue out at me. I do know she fancies the blood relation books in her online stories that she reads. Obviously, I found nothing weird about it because our entire family consists of it.

"Anyway" I said and she giggled.

"I agree with Tanner. Just talk with him and see what happens and, of course, let me know!"

"I will, my love."

"Well, you didn't come to me in the first place," she teased.

"I just had to ask him, babe"

"I know, I'm just messing with you. Alright, I'm going to get back to the new Magic Mike movie with Rosa" she told me.

"Is it good?"

"Ehhh, it's alright so far" she replied.

"Alright, are you sleeping there?"

"Yep! Is that okay?"

"Of course, baby. You never have to ask that."

"It's just respectful to ask. I love you, have goodnight."

"I love you too, bye babe"

"Bye!" she hung up the phone at just the right time because I got the text message that the food was done.

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It was ten minutes after I got home, when the buzzer went off, indicating that Declan was here. I buzzed him in and patiently waited to let him in through the front door. With a single knock, I opened the door to his surprised face. He had a big duffel bag hanging from his shoulder. His hair was damp.

"Is it raining?" I questioned.

"Oh, uhm, no. I just took a shower quick" he muttered while standing awkwardly in the doorway. I quickly moved out of the way to let him through.

"You could've just showered here" I told him while shutting the door.

"It's okay, I just wanted to get fresh from riding in the car and everything.." he trailed off with a shrug.

"I feel it. Well, the food is on the table. Dig in", I motioned at the already set table in our dining area. He set the duffel bag down on the couch before we both sat at the table, grabbing the containers of food and filling our plates. We ate silently. I debated on bringing it up but I just couldn't.

It wasn't until he got to his sweet buns when he finally uttered a word.

"So..."

I looked at him expectantly, slurping the noodle of my lo-mein into my mouth. His lips tilted in a small smile.

"About the whole..." he made a slight squeezing motion with his hand, a blush coating his cheeks.

"Yeah...Uhm, sorry" my cheeks burned as well.

"It's fine...I didn't exactly mind" he swallowed thickly. My eyes tracked the movement of his adam's apple bobbing before looking back up at his eyes. "But..." he trailed off, averting his eyes. I waited patiently, taking a drink of my soda.

"Why?" he finally got out, his tongue poking out to lick his lips. I looked down at my mostly empty plate, mustering up everything to say.

"I just figured you'd like it because I like that kind of stuff, so I figured I'd help you out" I gave a slight shrug. He played with his tongue ring, biting on the bar, while nodding.

"I do like it, but I didn't need help finishing" he stated firmly, his face still holding pink in his cheeks. Cute. I blinked quickly, dismissing that, and went back to what he said.

"I didn't mean it like that," I quickly said "Look, Declan..."

He put down his sweet bun and gave me his undivided attention. It warmed my heart.

"I don't know how I feel about you.....Your admission came out of the blue and it got me thinking about everything between us..." I started out, then began by explaining, for the third time tonight, my thoughts that included him. Surprisingly,I didn't jumble on any words or anything like the first time when talking to Tanner. It all came out super smooth. I mean, I didn't include everything(Loving him more than Scar) but just mostly how I'm scared about opening up to the potential feelings.

He nodded silently.

"You don't have to open up anything, Derek. I didn't tell you in hopes of you feeling the same," he quietly said. "It was just good to get off my chest after years of keeping it in." he said, playing with the table mat under his plate.

"I know, but Deck. I once had that attraction....I still may" I told him, my eyes roaming the features I could see of him. His eyes flickered at mine. I could see hope swirling in his brown eyes. That's what Tanner said would happen. A tinge of guilt hit my stomach.

"But I don't-" I started and his eyes dimmed instantly.

"It's okay, I get it....uhm, I'm going to go" he decided and got up with his plate, moving to the kitchen.

"Deck.." I called after him, standing up from my seat. Why does he always do that? He rinsed his plate and placed it in the sink gently.

"No, no, it's not you, Derek. It's me" he said with his hands up, moving in a 'stay there' motion. He let a sardonic laugh out. "I would never think you would find me attractive or have feelings for me. It's just silly of me to hope" he waved his hands dismissively, heading to the door.

"Stop! Why are you such a runner?" I groaned out. He didn't even let me finish. I just wanted to say I don't want to move too fast and get overwhelmed.

"That's what I do, Derek!" he exasperated.

"Clearly, you ran away to Oregon for school just to get away from me!"

"I should've stayed there!" he yelled, swinging the door open and disappearing through quickly. That was a huge pang to my chest. I wouldn't have wanted him to stay there. I missed him dearly when he was gone. Like a part of me was missing.

I ran through the door after him but he was nowhere in sight. Damn it. That could've had a completely different outcome.

He didn't even let me finish. I just wanted to say I don't want to move too fast and get overwhelmed by trying to figure it all out. Like Tanner and Charlie had said. Communication and understanding are key components for any type of relationship.