Graceful Stubborn Heart

The Confession

Everyone woke up late from the tiring night. Everyone seems to be in a good mood as they were all smiles, except me. I kind of felt embarrassed. I could still remember our conversation from last night and I tried to avoid Jake's eyes. He was preparing breakfast for everyone and I am usually chatty during meal time, but I am feeling shy this morning.

"Grace, I'd like to apologize about my behavior last night.", Jake was looking at me as he said his words. "Oh, no it's ok. You were drunk. I understand what alcohol can do to a man's brain, so do not worry." I assured him.

"No, it isn't okay Grace! Not at all.", he continued. The room has suddenly felt quiet. "Please give me a chance to explain. I hope that you won't just dismiss it as a misbehavior. I'd like you to hear me. This is really hard for me, as this is a first. I never felt this way and I really need to let it out. I'm going crazy, Grace. I am crazy over you. I didn't want to acknowledge it at first because you know me. I am not the type who takes relationships seriously. I mean yes, I do exclusive dating, like with Clarisse, but I really am not the type who runs after a woman. I don't know how to do these stuff, but please allow me to be with you. I want to be with you."

"Of course, Jake.", I looked at him and then to everyone else. They just kept quiet.

"No, Grace. Not like that. I don't want to be your friend anymore. I want us to be more than that. Please Grace. You are my home. Please give me a chance. Last night, I got so crazy because I met with that guy, Roy, your suitor. I asked to meet him before I came here. I asked him what his plans are for you. And I felt so jealous with the way he talks. He felt so happy that you gave him a chance to show you how much he likes you. He feels that you allowing him to court you is already a step into having a serious relationship with you. He even asked me if I can help him because he plans to propose a month after you say yes to him. That was so nerve-wracking for me. Listening to him talk things about you so freely and happily literally made me feel like my heart was squeezed so tightly. I couldn't breathe. I needed to drink last night because the pain was so unbearable. I wanted to let it out.", everyone in the house was crying now. Bea wrapped her arms around me and regularly wipes hers and my tears.

"Grace, I am such a coward and I am so sorry because I couldn't find the courage to express how I feel before. I've been coming home to you every night. My other friends think I am crazy. I have been with you every night even though there was no s*x involved. This wasn't life for me but believe me that I tried to stay away from you. I tried to meet other girls. Remember those nights when I tell you that I couldn't come but I still come hours later? It's because I went out to meet other girls. I did try to sleep with them but I couldn't. All I see are your face, your eyes, your lips, when I start to close my eyes and kiss them. God, Grace, please choose me. Please. Please give me a chance. It is alright if you don't want to sleep with me. I survived a year without that. You being with me is way more than enough. You may be doubting me like all my friends. They say that this could just be a phase, but Grace, this has been going on for a year and I am loving every minute spent with you. Grace, I love you."

The room was so quiet and everyone was looking at me, as if waiting for me respond. To be honest, I do not know what to say. So I closed my eyes and buried my face in my hands. I had to think and I had to listen to my thoughts and my feelings. I do admit that I have feelings for him. It's just that I forced them down the bin because I was scared. Now, I am trying to dig that bin and see if the feelings are still there. I tried to recall the times I spent with Jake - how I happy and contented I was. Yes, he does feel like home to me too. I felt secure, I felt loved and taken cared of, but I don't know what to say. I do not know how to put things in words.

"Jake," I started as I lifted my head from my hands. He was kneeling in front of me and I could see his face clearly. I couldn't go on. I just looked at him. I didn't care anymore about how our friends would think. I looked at his eyes and  I could feel his sincerity. "Jake" all I could say was his name. I couldn't go on. What is worse was as I scanned his face, my eyes landed on his lips and the urge to kiss them suddenly welled up. "Jake, I". Gosh why can't I go on?! I closed my eyes and turned my head away from him. I tried to get my composure back but I couldn't get rid of the look of his eyes and lips. 

"Jake", I turned my head to look at him and suddenly, I held his face and brought mine close to his until our lips touched. I just closed my eyes and let things unfold. As if on cue, his lips met mine and we share a long, deep, and passionate kiss. When we pulled apart for air, his hand still kept us close, forehead to forehead. He whispered, "I love you, I love you. It's alright if you cannot say it yet. I will patiently wait for that day. I just love, love, love you very much, Grace.", he said those words as he kept planting kisses on my lips.

"I do love you, Jake.", I managed to say it out loud and he gave me another kiss then he hugged me and our friends came to hug us. 

"Yey! Let's celebrate!!!!", Bea exclaimed happily.

"Uhm, Grace. I hope you won't take this negatively. Please do not think that I am trying to own or control you, but can you accept this ring, as a sign of our commitment for each other. Please?". He looked so cute when he said those words. He looked like a poor boy begging for some candies. With a smile, I stretched out my left arm and said teasingly, "If it fits.". 

"Of course, I helped him buy that. I am so happy and I love you both so so much.", Carmen said as he hugged us both.