TAMED SERIES 4: CROFT GUEVARRA

Astrid Blinding camera lights, eager reporters, and a whole bunch of fans who would scream as soon as they get a sight of even just the tip of my finger. "Astrid! Over here!" one of the photographers shouted, dying to get a good picture of me as soon as I walked out of my van. Ngumiti ako't inilagay sa isang balikat ang may kahabaang buhok. I let them take a few shots before I walked with my manager. May ilan pang fans na nagpumilit mag-abot ng palad. I was able to sign some of their posters. Natigil lamang noong halos kurutin na ako ni Tita Cathy. "Okay, okay, geez," I hissed at her while I roll my eyes under my sunglasses. Paano'y sinasamaan na niya ako ng tingin dahil gusto ko pang hayaan ang ibang fans na magpa-picture sa akin. I used to dream of this life. Iyong kahit saan ka magpunta ay makikilala ka dahil mahusay kang aktres kaya bata pa lamang ay sumasabak na ako sa mga audition. Bumabyahe kami ni Papa mula sa probinsya para lamang magbaka-sakali ngunit naging mailap ang tagumpay sa akin. Not until something particular happened. Something that fueled me during the audition that completely changed the trajectory of my life. The very thing that broke my heart, ended up fixing my career . . . at hanggang ngayon ay iyon ang motibasyon ko. I wanted to be so unreachable. So famous that once he sees me again, he will never reach me anymore. My fame would blind him. Make him regret what he'd done to me. Petty, but I guess pain could make the most reasonable people that way. "Ugh! Stunning as always, my dear!" puri ni Tito Boy. Ang host ng show kung saan kami imbitado ng ka-love team ko para sa early promotion ng bago naming pelikula. I smiled. "Thanks, Tito." I looked around. "Where's Crude?" "Nasa dressing room na," si Tita Cathy. "Well." I held Tito Boy's hand. "I gotta prep up na rin. Don't wanna look like a zombie in your show." He laughed softly. "Alright, I'll see you in a bit." Sumama ako kay Tita Cathy patungo sa dressing room. Crude was inside, singing something while the stylist was doing his hair. Nang makita ako sa repleksyon ng salamin ay kaagad siyang tumayo. He approached me and gave me a gentle kiss on my cheek. His brown eyes sparkled with admiration as if he'd never get tired of seeing me. "Missed you," he whispered. I removed my sunglasses and gave him an eye roll. "We were together six hours ago, Crude." He flashed his infamous smirk that makes our fans go gaga all the time. "Well, I could never get enough of you, Astrid." "Save your sweet words for later. You wouldn't get paid by flirting where cameras couldn't reach you," paalala ni Tita Cathy. Tinapik ko na lamang ang dibdib ni Crude saka ako naupo sa high chair nang makapagsimula na ang makeup artist ko. I know Crude has real feelings for me anyway. Simula noong nagtambal kami sa una naming pelikula ay nililigawan na niya ako. I am just not ready to enter real-life relationships. Maybe I never would. Pagkatapos ng nangyari sa akin? I don't think I would still fall for that trap called love. But of course, people know we're together. We're in show business anyway. Love teams should be real life couples as if our love team wouldn't work if we're not in love behind the cameras. Bullshit. People can fake love all the time. Nabilog nga ako ng ilang taong pag-ibig para sa wala. I massaged my temple while the stylist was doing my hair. Maya-maya ay naramdaman ko ang paglapit ni Crude. He handed me a bottled water and an advil. Tiningala ko naman siya't ang mga mata ay nagtatanong. "If you haven't eaten yet, I'll tell my PA to get you some food," may pag-aalala niyang sabi. I sighed. "Kumain na ko." Kinuha ko ang gamot at tubig. "Thanks." I took the medicine and placed the bottled water on top of the dresses. Tahimik namang naghintay sa tabi ko si Crude hanggang sa natapos ang pag-aayos sa akin. Meanwhile, Tita Cathy reminded us about our schedule. Pagkatapos na pagkatapos ng guesting namin sa show ni Tito Boy ay sasampa na kami sa cruise ship kung saan kukuhanan ang karamihan sa scenes ng pelikula. I don't really know why I feel jittery about the idea of getting into a cruise ship. Siguro dahil seaman ang lintik na lalakeng tumarantado sa akin pagkatapos kong magsakripisyo para sa kanya ng ilang taon. My lips pursed when I remembered him again. That motherfucker? He wouldn't be a seaman if I didn't fund his education! Tapos iyon ang igaganti niya sa akin? Kung anu-anong raket ang pinasok ko! Nagtyaga ako sa mga pipitsuging role at pagtitiis sa pagiging extra ay tinanggap ko. Tinipid nang husto ang sarili para lamang makatapos siya ng pag-aaral. I worked my ass off because I thought we were both in love! Pero ano ang ginawa niya? "Astrid, are you alright?" tanong ni Crude nang napansin ang pagsama ng timpla ng mood ko. Bigla akong napabalik sa sarili. I inhaled a sharp breath and nodded. Sakto namang tinawag na kami sa stage. I put on my happy face, acted in love with Crude, and gave the audience the show that would make them love our love team even more. "Alright, before we end the show, pwede n'yo ba kaming bigyan ng idea tungkol sa bago ninyong pelikula?" tanong ni Tito Boy. Crude looked at me, giving me the go signal. Ngumiti naman ako't iniangat ang aking mic para sagutin ang tanong. "It's a very interesting story, Tito Boy. I don't wanna give so much spoilers about it but Sailing With Destiny is about to ex lovers who accidentally met in a cruise after several years of being separated." Tinaas ni Crude ang mic niya. "They didn't get the closure they needed before they parted ways so parang doon sa pelikula, mapapaisip ang mga manonood kung ano ba 'to, is there still a chance for them to get back together or they'd end up giving the closure they didn't get before? Totally freeing each other from the past that they both couldn't let go? Like what Astrid said, it's really interesting and I think marami kaming mabubuhos na emosyon dito. They'd definitely see more mature versions of us kasi grabe. 'Yong script? Napaka-heavy ng mga linya kaya minsan nagkakatinginan na lang kami ni Astrid during readings. Ano ba 'to, kaya ba natin 'to?" I faked a laugh. "Yeah, pati kami nakikwestyon na namin ang ability namin to portray the roles kasi grabe, Tito Boy. Just like what Crude was trying to say, ito na yata ang pinaka-heavy na roles na natanggap namin, knowing Direk Joyce? Kailangan talagang magbaon ng mga manonood ng sandamakmak na tissue for Sailing With Destiny." "Such a beautiful title and really interesting storyline," sagot ni Tito Boy. We wrapped up the show and proceeded to our next stop. Dahil dala na sa vans ang mga gamit namin ni Crude ay dumiretso na kami sa port kung saan naghihintay ang cruise ship. Crude helped me get out of the van. May ilang fans na nakaabang doon na kinokontrol lang ng security personnel kaya kinailangan pa rin naming maging sweet ni Crude. He anchored his arm on my shoulders while I snaked my arm on his waist. Kausap niya rin sa phone ang kapatid niyang si Zaskia. Nagbibilin na naman sa kapatid. "Yes, she's right here with me." Tumingin sa akin si Crude. "Z wants to say hi." I took the phone and talked to his sister. Malapit kami sa isa't isa kahit na wala pa naman talaga kaming relasyon ni Crude. Siguro ay dahil gaya ko, nagsimula rin silang magkapatid sa hirap. Crude and I clicked because we both worked our way up to stardom. "Oh, don't worry about your brother. He's always a nice puppy," I joked. Sabay kaming natawa ni Zaskia habang pinisil naman ni Crude ang aking ilong. Of course, the fans squeaked after seeing us. Pakitaan lang sila ng kaunting sweetness ay magwawala na. Crude smirked. Maya-maya ay yumuko siya't pinatakan ng halik ang tuktok ng aking ulo habang naglalakad kami palapit kina Tita Cathy. May mga kausap silang ilang tao. Hindi ko naman iniintindi dahil abala akong makipag-usap kay Zaskia, ngunit nang makalapit kami sa kanila ay halos tumalon palabas ng aking dibdib ang aking puso. Muntik pang malaglag ang phone ni Crude habang nanlalaki ang mga mata kong nakatitig sa lalakeng nakaputing button-down polo. "Sina Crude at Astrid. I'm sure you've heard of them," ani Sir Pimpo, ang aming producer habang kausap ang lalakeng titig na titig sa akin. "Crude, Astrid, this is Captain Croft Guevarra. He'll be joining us until we finish filming in their cruise ship." Para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig nang tuluyan kong makumpirma kung sino ang lalakeng kaharap namin ngayon. I know who this mothefucker is. From his penetrating hazel eyes, his thin lips that said a thousand lies, to the familiar necklace hanging on his neck, I know exactly who this is . . . because it's the same man who promised to marry me after he returns from his first voyage seven years ago. The man who ended up ghosting me after everything I've done just so he could reach his dreams . .