9. The proposal.
1314 Words
CHAPTER 9: The proposal.
I’m late.
Jeremy honks for the third time just as I’m stepping out of the house. I glance over my shoulder to glare at him while locking the door.
If I’m already late, him honking like a maniac isn’t going to make me move faster. It just makes me more nervous.
Once I’m inside the car, I growl, “I heard the damn horn the first time.”
He lets out a soft laugh, grabs the gearshift, and pulls us out of the neighborhood.
“I thought maybe you hadn’t heard it, since you were taking forever.”
“Jer…” I look at him, shaking my head.
He flashes me that small smile — the rare one. There’s a bit of mischief there, a touch of amusement, but it’s that playful glint in his eyes that always gets me.
“Are you driving me crazy on purpose?”
“I like teasing you when you’re stressed. I can almost see you turning into a little smoke-breathing monster.”
“Very funny.” I toss my backpack into the backseat, along with my camera. “The alarm didn’t go off, and I barely slept last night.”
“Me neither,” he says, more serious this time.
I sigh, knowing we’ve both been losing sleep over the same things.
Well, almost the same — I’m sure Sabrina has a lot to do with his sleepless nights.
“Jer, what are we doing?” I ask as he parks in the campus lot.
“Come here,” he says.
“What?” I frown, confused.
Before I can react, he unbuckles his seatbelt, then mine, and suddenly his hands are on my hips, pulling me onto his lap. My back presses lightly against the steering wheel. His hands slide up and down my thighs on either side of him — not in a s****l way, just as if he needs to feel me there.
I look at him.
“Someone’s gonna see us, Jer.”
“No, the windows are tinted.”
“I’m already late.”
“It’s your first week, Rora. You’re not gonna miss anything crucial.”
I close my eyes, trying to come up with another excuse, but there’s none that feels right — so I ask the question that’s been haunting me day and night.
“Why now, Jer?”
Why not before?
Why right after breaking up with Sabrina?
Why couldn’t he see me like this sooner?
Things would be so different. My heart wouldn’t want to bolt in the opposite direction, terrified of being broken.
If he had just seen me before…
“I don’t know,” he admits with a sigh, leaning his head back against the seat, eyes still on me.
“I don’t want to be your rebound, Jeremy. And I sure as hell don’t want you thinking of her while you’re—”
“Rora, for f**k’s sake, that’s not happening,” he growls, furrowing his brows. “When I’m with you, it’s only you in my head… you, no one else.”
“I don’t know…”
“I want you, Aurora,” he says, and the way he says my name makes the words sound heavier, more real. “I want you so f*****g bad it’s driving me insane.”
“Jeremy…”
“But wanting you doesn’t change what we are. It doesn’t change anything between us.”
“What are you talking about?”
“That it’s purely physical, Rora. You don’t love me, and I don’t love you. We’re not gonna suddenly catch feelings after all these years of knowing each other. Let’s just give in to it, to the desire, and that’s it. Nothing else matters. No one has to know — it’s our private thing. We’ll still be the same, just… with extra benefits.”
Something claws at my chest, hard enough to knock the air right out of me. My eyes sting, but before he can notice, I lean forward and rest my forehead on his shoulder.
His hand slides into my hair, holding the back of my neck, thumb brushing gently against my skin.
“You’re saying you want us to be friends with benefits?” I ask, needing to hear it clearly.
“I want to own this,” he mutters, slipping his hand between us and cupping me there — but I feel nothing. No desire, no heat. Just cold numbness.
“I want to sink into you whenever I want, have you come to me whenever you want. I want to lose myself in your body and never come out — not anytime soon.”
“Jeremy, what you’re asking for is—”
“—just feeding the desire we already have.”
“And what happens after?” I push his hand away and look at him. “What happens when the desire fades? What will we be then?”
“We’ll still be us,” he says, meeting my gaze. “Rora, you’re a constant in my life. That won’t change — even if we fuck.”
I flinch at how carelessly he says it.
It’s not the word that hurts — it’s the tone.
The way he throws it out like it means nothing.
“What are you so afraid of?” he asks, cupping my cheek so I’ll look at him.
By now, I can’t hide the tears filling my eyes.
“I don’t know, Jeremy,” I let out a bitter laugh. “That everything goes to hell, maybe. That my brother finds out. That everything blows up. That our friendship gets ruined. That—”
That you’ll break me.
“It’s just s*x, Rora,” he says firmly, emphasizing each word as his hands hold my face. “Just s*x. Nothing’s going to change, and no one needs to know.”
“How could we even hide something like that? Your family is my family, I spend as much time at your house as you do at mine and—”
“I bought an apartment. I’m moving out.”
I stare at him.
Fuck.
He can’t be serious.
“You’ve got this all planned out, don’t you?”
“I want you, dammit,” he snaps, voice rough with frustration. “I want you like I’ve never wanted anyone before. I just want to—”
“—get it out of your system?”
“And you too,” he shoots back. “Because believe me, if you didn’t respond to my touch the way you do — if even a part of me thought you didn’t want me back — I wouldn’t be doing this. But you do. You want me, and don’t deny it, Rora.”
I don’t. How could I?
But even if he’s right, he’s also so, so wrong.
Because I don’t just want him — I love him.
But what good would saying that do now?
A tear slips down my cheek, and he wipes it away with his thumb — gently, almost dismissively.
“You’re not gonna lose me over this. You won’t ruin my friendship with Tyler either. He doesn’t need to know. No one does.”
God, the more he tries to reassure me, the more he breaks me.
“No, Jeremy.” I shake my head, climbing off his lap. I grab my backpack and my camera, open the door. “I can’t.”
“Aurora…”
But I’m already walking away, making sure he doesn’t see the tears still spilling down my face — not when they clearly mean nothing to him.
The truth is, I can’t.
I can’t be what he’s asking me to be.
How could I survive something like that?
Giving him my body while pretending he doesn’t already have my heart?
I won’t.
I can’t.
- Writer
