THE GHOST I LOVED

I was seventeen. Soweto was dusty and loud and full of kasi life. At the corner stood Ishmael and his gang - Thato, Small, and Becker. Weed smoke in the air, loud laughter. Every girl in my street wanted Ishmael. I did too, more than anyone. One evening three thugs followed me from the spaza shop. I was holding bread and my heart was beating fast. I was so scared. Ishmael saw me from the corner. He did not ask questions. He and his gang jumped in. Fists flying. They protected me like I was theirs. From that day, I was his. Ishmael was charming. He made me laugh. He walked me home. I started dreaming of a future with him. Then my brother Sbusiso found out. He came with a sjambok to beat Ishmael. He said Ishmael was a thug. I stood IN FRONT of Ishmael. In front of my own blood. I shouted, "If you beat him, you beat me too! I love him!" Sbusiso looked at me like I was crazy. But I meant every word. I fought my own family for him. I thought that smile meant forever. I was wrong. I did not know he had a forever already. Three years. My cousin sent me the picture. Matching outfits, his arm around her. Caption: "My person, forever. 3 years strong." That afternoon he walked past my house with her, holding her hand. His gang behind him, Thato included. He looked at me and laughed loud so I could hear. "She is delusional!" They all laughed. Thato, the one who used to pretend to console me, just walked away with Ishmael. A week later I faked an injury. I just wanted to see if he cared. He replied with two words. "Get better." Like I was a stranger. I packed one small bag that night. I left Soweto. I left the ghost behind, but the ghost followed me for thirty years. I thought I would never love again, until I met Sipho.