Cleopatra's Firsts

Chapter Four: Tranplant

Do you know what the worse thing that happened to me is? It was seeing my sister draw her very last breath! It's 100x worse than failing my Anatomy exam.

It broke my heart into a milion pieces and I don't know if it will ever be mended again. Now, I believe when people say they felt like they were being cut in two. It is true when others say they had lost some part of themselves when their loved ones died. I felt what they felt at that moment. The pain is unbearable. Watching your sister die is the kind of pain that will be imprinted on your heart forever. Alexandria took a piece of my heart, and I don't think I could ever find that piece again. And the fact that I didn't do anything to help her, that I failed to wake her up. I realized I was a failure as her sister.

All of us are shattered, no one asked to eat, no one said anything. It is our heart who communicates in each other. And they are all saying the same thing, 'I AM BROKEN!'

I couldn't forgive her doctor for not being responsible. I also hate the pandemic. It is not her sickness that killed her but the situation. If there's a space in the hospital, her life should've been saved.

I went to my room and took a piece of paper.

To Undefeated Warrior,

You fought a very hard battle.

You lose but, you're still my champion.

Wherever you are, I hope you're living in peace and happiness.

Two things that you never had when you're still fighting your battle.

It is not illness who killed you- it's the situation.

I wish I could've done something to help you ease the pain.

I wish I was brave enough to tell you that I love you.

Now it's too late and you will never hear me.

If the situation was different,

These tears of heartbreak, wouldn't be present.

If our government had a better solution for the pandemic,

We could've a room in the hospital for you.

I know I can't blame the government, or the situation,

But what if? What if it's the other way around?

You should still be here!

I should be able to touch every time I went home from school.

In the next life time, I will see you!

We will talk about the future that we're supposed to have ans the past we've missed.

Thank you for everything you've done to us!

I didn't realize I made. I rip the paper from it's page and put in inside my pocket.

I don't know how long everyone cried that night. Mom is hugging Alexandria's dead body when I went back to her room after a few hours. She even kiss her forehead over and over.

It is Alexander who took a blanket from his room and covered his twin's cold body. He took mom in his arms and gave her a tight hug. I don't know what Alexander is thinking right now. They said twins feel each other's pain. Is it really true? If it is, Alexander could win an Oscar for the courage he'd shown that night.

It is so painful to watch. Before I ran back to my room, I took a last glance at my sister's face. Her lips are already blue.

"I am so sorry," I whisper, mostly for myself.

I grab my favorite book, Guide to Anatomy. I throw it outside my window. In the raging hailstorm, it hits the pavement with a loud thunk.

That night, I kept asking God why did He take my sister. She saved a hundred lives; why didn't He save hers? I almost lost my faith but our parents raised us knowing God is with us all the time. Mom always said, no one should shake our faith. So, if we are faithful, why did He took one of our family?

At the same time, maybe God took her because He doesn't want to see her struggle anymore.

Once, her doctor said that my sister is keeping something for herself—something she wouldn't share with anyone-even us. I have a feeling that it's about her transplant. She told us she was going to do it, but the truth is she doesn't want us to worry about her. I know she's against taking someone else's kidney, someone else's future, in exchange for her life.

And I think she's being selfish. She almost took our life and future too when she lost her breath.

I know she doesn't want to die and she is afraid of death, but her choices are narrower than a needle's hole. She only has a choice, her life or someone else's, and she chooses others' lives over hers.

And it hurt so much.

I realized that very moment; I didn't want to pursue my course in medicine. I don't want to save lives. It's not worth it. All I wanted to do that was to become someone else. To be different.

The following days were a nightmare. We don't have any family or friends in London. It's only the four of us. Every day and every night, mom is crying—one time out of nowhere, Dad collapse. We still couldn't accept the fact that Alexandria was dead. And I don't know if we will be able to accept it.

A week after they cremated her body, I went to enlist in the military. When I told mom and dad about it, they couldn't believe what I'd decided in a short period of time. They don't want me yo go there of course, but for me, it's the best path and its the only choice that I have.

A few weeks after, Violet's parents, together with her husband, come to visit us. They were supposed to arrive a week ago, but their flight got canceled so many times because of the pandemic. Violet stayed at home even if she wanted to go, but for the sake of the baby inside her, she chose to stay and sent her husband instead.

The fact is, even if they visit us I still don't feel their presence. Maybe it is because I am so hollow. I don't care what happened around me. I just want my sister back.

"I'm so sorry we are too late. We cannot use a private plane because of the situation."

I cast Exodus a glance, "It doesn't matter. She's gone."

"I heard from your parents that you wanted to join the army."

"Yes. I'm leaving the day after tomorrow," I said, looking away.

"I just want to tell you something about being a soldier. I am once a soldier, and trust me; it's not easy especially for women. "

"I know, but it won't change my mind."

"Worse will happen."

"I know."

"You won't really change your mind, won't you?"

"My decision is firm."

"I thought so."

"Thanks, though."

"Would you mind calling Vi before you leave?"

"Why?"

"Maybe she can talk you out of it."

"No one is going to change my mind. That includes Vi."

"Alright. Be careful out there, Sammy."

Yeah, Exodus and some of his cousins are the only people who call me with my Muslim name.

The time arrived when I need to start my traing. I was not still on speaking terms with my parents when I left home so, it's Alexander who drops me at the Army Training Regiment. I need to train there for ten weeks, more or less. From there, you learn a skill in Advanced Individual Training, and the length of that training depends on the Military Occupational Skill you've chosen - or the job. I enlisted for the special forces, and it took me another eighteen months for special forces qualification. Exodus was right -about being a soldier is not easy, especially when you have a period every month.

I wanted to go home after my first day there, but I couldn't. I keep seeing my sisters' faces everywhere, but I forget everything on training grounds. And I needed that kind of environment for a while.

We train in various combat skills, including unconventional warfare, escape training, air operations, shooting, maneuvering, and language training. And trust me, every night, I don't have any time to cry anymore. Sometimes I even forget why I'm there.

I am relieved when my first mission, together with my troops, becomes successful. No casualties. My troops even called me their lucky charm. But our next mission proved them wrong!

It happened at exactly 2:32 on the morning of July 19, 2021.

When we were trying to infiltrate the enemy's territory, I got captured.

We're supposed to rescue the doctors inside the battlefield in Afghanistan, but we didn't know that everyone inside that warzone was already dead, including the doctors we're supposed to rescue. I saw their heads on the spike when they were dragging me towards their barracks, and I felt like my blood was boiling.

I didn't know this thing really happened. That some people kill like the life to the person they killed doesn't matter.

I started to freaked out when everyone's faces on those spikes became Alexandria's and I let out a terrifying scream.

Someone punch me in the face. I coughed blood, but it didn't stop them from hitting me over and over again. Before I lost consciousness, someone showed me a laptop screen.

تاسو زموږ راتلونکی غل یاست

"You are our next trophy."