Chasing the Unknown (Boy's Love Series)

CHAPTER 3

Chapter 3: When You Are Loss

~หากตอนี่ลองหลับตาเห็นถาดิมอีกครั่ง

(If I try to close my eyes right now, I see the same Image again)

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Chapter 3

~Ali Hean~

After the little drama, we decided to sit on the couch here in the living room to watch TV.

" Hmm... Ali, I'm going to bed now".

"I'm kind of sleepy". vrihh looked at me with sleepy eyes.

"Good night", Vrihh said.. I nodded. I spare some glances at Vrihhh as he walks toward his room. Then I grabbed the TV remote and found something to watch, then I unconsciously stopped at a certain channel subjecting an island with swaying green grass, cliffs and ranging blue waves. It felt familiar and my heart was suddenly bursting with unknown overflowing emotion., and it hit me hard with the realization that it was the place in my dream. the hills covered in green swaying grasses, the sea of clouds playing in the blue background and the cliffs.

It looks exactly like the setting of my dream, I whisper.

"BATANES"

.. I repeated the words on the TV screen.

Then a sudden emptiness strikes me. Maybe that man is part of my forgotten memories.

Should I look and find him?

Is it worth it?

What if this is the reason for my accident?

what if ?

My mind keeps on saying, but my heart is saying the otherwise. My heart is telling me that I should find him because he might be the key to completing the pieces of the broken self and memories. Also, the place might help me to recall some important fragment of those memories, gone. I sigh.. It'll be going to be harder than I thought. Again, I look at the TV showcasing the untamed beauty of waves, hills and unexplored memories I choose to forget rather than to keep and have.

The night's getting older as the hands of the clock never stop ticking. I fall asleep with that thought keeps repeating in my mind.

"A man walked towards me with a soft smile lightened by the warm sunshine's rays directly in his face. However, I can't see his handsome face. It's blurry. Only his lips that stretched in to a smile and his amber eyes that melted my erratic beating heart. The too much light is blinding me in seeing his whole face yet I know in my heart and mind that I knew him very well. But who is he? I seem to forget his name too. I can't remember his name, like it was something forbidden. "

"Ali,... Ali, please wake up ... Sorry please, wake up".. the voice begs me with a hurtful sob. I felt a familiar ache hearing that voice... I looked around and saw nothing other than the man's handsome hand painted with the sound of crashing waves, green dancing grass on sloppy hills.

"Ali," the voice uttered with guilt and pity..

"Please, wake up". I don't know where the begg comes from.

I keep looking though, hoping I'll see someone who owns the voice, but I guess it's only on my mind.

I know this is a dream. No, it's a memory hiding behind the shadow of this dream.

The voice, however, is something that bugs me more.

Who is that person, who is this man beside me, who are they?

My mind is exploding because of the overwhelming things.

" No. ... please stop". I plead.

And then ...

With a rough breath.. I woke up from that nightmare. With sweats on my forehead and heavy breaths.

I'm now awake.

I'm starting to hate dreams.

I sigh, holding my breath for a second and heave a deep one to relax my wrecking nerves.

I blinked and closed my eyes for a second. I wanted to ask why my dream seemed weird but I knew no one knew how to answer me. I even choose to forget.

I looked out the window. It's already morning. I got up and ran towards the bathroom to wash myself.

With one, two, three.. I am finally done with my thing. I walked towards the kitchen only to find Vrihh with his golden rusted voice cooking our breakfast. I laughed out at seeing him in this state.

Singing and dancing at the same time with a spatula in his right hand, cooking bacon and eggs. Then he suddenly turned around only to see me with a big smirk at my face. He's face cannot be painted. With his undoubtedly embarrassment. In a swift seconds he finally collected himself and turned his back to me to hide his rising red checks.

I continue walking to the dinner table waiting for him to serve the food.

"So, how was your sleep?" he asked. The smug grin on my face never faded as I answered him.

" Good, I had a very nice sleep".

"Hmm, Vrihh last night. I had dreamt about something". I spoke out and looked at him.

"I dreamt about this man. We're in a quiet place, the wind blows and passes by us, green sloppy hills, blue dangerous waves and cliffs. I guess it's further north. In Batanes. A fated summer that brings us to be acquaintances. However, I cannot remember his name, but I know him. It's totally confusing the hell out of me". I grunted with an obvious confusion.

"Hmm, I guess we have to find out and see for ourselves what memory you forgot in that place". I sigh and say

"Yeah, I'm planning to go and visit the place. Are you busy though? Do you want to come with me?"

"Hell yeah, I want to have a vacation".

" You know it's very toxic in a hospital".

" I need a break. I'll clear my schedule".

"When?... Hmmm, I think at the end of this week."

" I'm dying to come to Batanes."

" You know. I hope I can get something worth it".

"Of course, there is. I'll be here all the way".

" Okay", he added.

I nodded and started to savour my breakfast. I wonder what's waiting ahead for me in that place.

I lost the battle with time. So here I am recollecting in my scattered memories, the consequences of my unreasonable fight. I'm wondering what are the reasons for me turning my back to my own memories. I know there must be something, a reason perhaps, why I ended up lost.

Right, surely there are certain reasons. I must find out. Just to keep myself sane.

After our breakfast, Vrihh goes to his work, probably in the hospital.

I'm talking nonsense anyway. I wash the dishes and do some errands. That's the least I can do here.

I'm bored. I decided to watch some series.

The story went well, I guess. I closed my eyes for a second to rest. As I opened it, my tummy grunted. I looked at the wall clock.

It's 12:14. I manage to order food online. I'm lazy right now.

A minute later, the doorbell rang. I prepared my money as I opened the door. The delivery boy smiled and handed me my order. I say thank you and tadaa!! I'm eating now. Satisfying my cravings. Though after that I waited for the time to run fast but it seem playing on me. It is slowing, it's ticking. I bore myself in my bed looking at the ceiling. I closed my eyes for a second only to see the same image again and again.

The same image flashes like lights. I can't even determine if just an imagination or reality. I'm starting to feel afraid about the truth. I'm afraid to know what reality can offer. That's probably the sole reason why I let my memories go. I perhaps fall tired of keeping reality in dim. And perhaps sadness is sometimes a traitor allied. I let myself sail in the vast ocean with strong winds and roaring waves and let myself lose to the waves of time. I escape the harsh reality, a side of life I'm afraid to see. I had enough of this thing, I guess, so I chose to escape, lose the fight and give up. I suddenly feel that the memories are just a reminder of how pitiful life is. I walked towards the window. It mirrors myself and the other side of reality. I let myself fall into this deep thinking. And hell, it is like a mudpool. Or maybe I just think shallow. Just that I'm drowning in pain and sorrow. .. Choking at disappointment in life, leaving me out of breath.

I realized that maybe before I had only been by myself. No one to lean on and I have a hard time sorting my emotions in the right place. I let my overwhelming emotion drive me into this mess. However, who's gonna blame me? I just maybe felt left alone. Who's gonna blame me for choosing to escape rather than to fight? I lost my will and strength to kept fighting the never ending agony. I let myself lost in everyway I turn to.

I'm just broke, I guess.

But who knows what really happened.

Sometimes a happy facade can hide the pain that is choking you and killing you unnoticed in the world you are in.

Sometimes you live a life you don't like without realizing it.

We never bother to realize it and in the end it's too late to fix it as it damage us big time and hurt us tremendously.

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