Chapter 1
I awake in my bed and look around at the picture frames of happy memories atop my oversized oak dresser. The early morning sun peeks through the leaves of my magnolia tree outside my window. I stretch the length of my bed happily. I am home. Slowly I drag myself out of bed, lighting a cigarette, I walk down the dark halls to the kitchen to make some much needed coffee. Out on the porch I finish my first cup of coffee and cigarette watching the pink and yellow hues of the sun rising over the tree tops surround my multilevel home.
I hear the sliding glass door behind me open and smile. My angel is awake. My Gracie climbs in my lap and lays her head on my shoulder. Her wild curly hair brushes my face. "Good morning beautiful, you want some cereal?" She nods sleepily into my shoulder and I carry her to the kitchen. She sits quietly at the bar eating her breakfast as I brush her hair for school. I really wish she didn't have to go some days. It's always like the sunshine leaves with her.
After walking us to the school bus and giving her 53 kisses and "love you"s I walk back towards the house. Our house is 5 bedrooms and 3 baths. Jim insisted on it because he wanted a large family. The pillars holding up the large stone porch always looked sinister to me. Like teeth. They balance out the dark brick that encases the rest of the home. I look up at the windows of the two story building. The windows are filled with shadow people by the dozens, waiting for me to come back in.
"They aren't real." Jim says. He thinks I'm crazy. Not real like the scratches and bruises he says I acquire from being clumsy. I continue walking as the panic and fear rise up in my chest, making the air feel heavy.
Instead I walk around the house to the garden. Jim is sitting outside eating breakfast and typing on his phone. He looks like a rock star sitting shirtless and wearing his favorite jeans. They're my favorite too. They have holes down both legs and fit like they were tailored to his body. He smiles at me with those perfect dimples Gracie wears just as well. He could smile at me and tell me the whole world didn't exist and I would follow him blindly.
He already has a plate of fruit and toast for me in front of the chair across from him. I never mind sitting across from him. Starting at him, I watch as the wind blows around the black curly mane that frames his face.
I wish sometimes he could see the things I see. How else would he ever believe me.
"You havent eaten yet have you?" He says while putting his hair up. "No, thank you baby," I reply and try to eat. Silently I hope I can hide the fact my hands are shaking. If things get too bad he will commit me. He loves me, he just worries about me. Jim thinks that some magic medicine out there will save me. The doctors think the right mix of medicines will make me smiley and normal. But they don't see the things I see everyday.
